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Do I just tell my boyfriend "no" to including his family to be with mine over the holiday?

 
 
Reply Wed 20 Nov, 2019 03:09 pm
My daughter has not yet met my new boyfriend and I've been seeing him for less than 2 months. Long story short, he wants his daughter and her family to be with me and my family over Thanksgiving. When I mentioned his family joining us to my daughter several weeks ago, she was getting over an illness and said she is fine with having just him but wasn't up to meeting his daughter, her husband and 2 little kids.

My bf didn't mention it again until we were out with his daughter and her family a few weeks ago - he said to them, you are welcome to come to my girlfriend's house since it's much closer than seeing your mother for the holiday. I immediately interjected and said while you are always welcome to my home, it depends on how my daughter feels. Then I didn't hear anything until today when the daughter called my bf to tell him they ARE coming to my home - REALLY?

I told him it still depends on how my daughter is feeling and I felt bad and hoped he didn't hold it against me or my daughter - that my daughter wants to meet him but doesn't want a big crowd since she doesn't feel 100%. He said well she should be fine and doesn't need to play with the little ones - to which I said I'd think about it today and perhaps ask my daughter again.

The relationship has gotten serious soon but I don't know what the future holds. What should I do? Should I mention it to my daughter and see what she says since she is feeling a little better now?

Part of this is that I'm a widow and while I've dated a bit she hasn't been exposed to it too much and seems to downplay my relationships sometimes. I'm certain she is still grieving.

Help!
 
jespah
 
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Reply Wed 20 Nov, 2019 04:22 pm
@dilemmawithboyfriend,
This is the daughter who told you the other guy (who was a thief) was a thief, right?

She's not in mourning; she's looking out for your best interests.
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dilemmawithboyfriend
 
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Reply Thu 21 Nov, 2019 05:48 am
So I explained to him that my daughter wasn't up to having all of his family here this year and that frankly, i had been upset more about her health and what this condition may be. He said don't worry she's probably just under stress and that's causing stomach issues. He again insisted that if his daughter and her family came it would only be a few hours. If not, he was going to stay at his home and have her for the holiday and then "maybe" come the next day to meet my daughter. He was obviously pissed.

jespah
 
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Reply Thu 21 Nov, 2019 06:51 am
@dilemmawithboyfriend,
So what?

He dismisses your concerns about your daughter and doesn't give any credence to her knowing her own body, all in favor of him getting his own way.

Who cares if he's upset? Here's a big spoiler alert about life: whining and pouting should never be indulged. All that does is encourage more of it. And here's another true life spoiler alert: you don't have to fix his feelings and reactions. They are his to deal with. He's a big boy and he's been handling himself for decades before you came into the picture. He will handle himself just fine once you aren't.

Just like the last one, you will fart around for a few years while everyone tells you to run in the opposite direction of this jerk. You will make endless accounts and topics with slight variations on this all too transparent theme. You will make excuses for his bad behavior and contort yourself ten ways till Sunday in an effort to justify his bullshit and your belief in it.

Here's a piece of advice.

Stop making every relationship turn serious until some time and mileage has gone into one. As in a good year. And don't just mark the days on your calendar, waiting until the magical 365 have passed. Spend that time figuring out what a guy is like and whether that fits into your life, not how you can bend yourself into a pretzel to please him.

I think you'll find your neverending boyfriend issues will start to disappear.
Linkat
 
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Reply Thu 21 Nov, 2019 08:23 am
@jespah,
I don't have much more to add to this other than -

I would have said while his daughter and family were there - I am sorry no we are unable to accommodate you all for Thanksgiving. I will plan something later that will work for all of us.

You let him walk all over you.

If you do not want the family over for Thanksgiving - tell them. You can nicely. Just say sorry I really cannot do it at this time - no explanation even needs to be given.

If this boyfriend is rude about it or refuses - he is not much of a caring person and you are better off without him any way.

You are making something complicated that should be easy and straight forward - it is ok to say "no" and the very simple answer to your question is YES you should just tell your boyfriend NO to including his family over the holiday.

Done - simple.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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