Has meaning meaning?

I am tired. I am tired being in society means this. I am tired of small talk, of people not seeing nor caring where they are going. I feel so empty, so forced to talk about everyday things, when I would rather be wondering about the many mysteries of the universe.

What meaning is there in living a life without awareness? Just continuity. No real wish, no meaning. My life is meaningless too, yes, but I strive to give meaning to it. I do not turn my intelligence off and accept cheap amusement. That is not happiness. And not that I want to be happy. Euphoria is a hormone, what I aim for is wholeness. To find myself within myself, or maybe within the world.

I do not seek my dreams anymore, since I realized they may not exist. Take meaning for example. It is not something intrinsic to creation. It is actually nothing more than a human construct, and as such it has no meaning without us, nor does it make sense to seek it far from us. What's more, nature binds us to the core, and idea(l)s are not natural. Thus, we have to generate a conscience of our own, redefine how we feel (if we do at all) and live.

Realizing that dreams are not goign to fulfill on their own, but that you will have to work very hard in order to make them true, and still, they may never happen, but trying to materialize them will have still been worth the try. Trying to find meaning, that is the closest concept I have found to having meaning itself.

Someone. That is the answer. Someone else could just be wondering the same I do. Someone else could be sharing my dreams, and striving to actually create them instead of effortlessly seeking them. Someone willing to question and sacrifice anything for truth. Just by probability, they are highly likely to exist. But it is not easy to find someone with high intellectual capacities and a strong will who hasn't been (too) negatively affected by society, due to being different. Still, I exist, I am proof. However, seeking these people with whom you can share your very essence is frightening. When you start seeking, you realize how alone you are. That is why the first step is to understand that being alone doesn't mean being lonely, or incomplete. You have to find your true self, and embrace it. Enjoying every moment to the fullest, doing what you really want to do, and breaking free. Then you will be ready to seek other people, scared once again, but this time finding the bravery you need to proceed inside yourself. I judge I am at that point, so I will start my journey looking for people like me. And this is my first step. If you felt identified and would like to learn and explore together, I would be pleased to talk to you, so feel free to contact me.