When your lover dies

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I am the other woman.
Both of us married; both deeply in love with one another.
In a secret relationship for over 7 years.
He died of cancer last year.
I am devastated, alone, broken.
No one to comfort me; no one to reminisce with; no one to bring me casseroles. Those things are reserved for the grieving wife.
I am not a terrible person. I am not a monster.
I am not heartless.
I am the other woman,