I need help understanding my gender identity!

Hi!

Your English is great, very easy to understand.

Note: I am not a doctor and I am not trans.

I don't think it's a "phase". But I do think it's related to your age/time of life. Here's what I mean by that.

At age 17, and born with (presumably) XX chromosomes, you could, with good fortune and science willing, live another 80 years. There is an enormous amount of pressure to decide on the course of the rest of your life, right now. You are probably also getting this kind of pressure to choose a career, a place to live, etc.

That's nuts.

There's no way any of us can know what will work for us for 8 decades. Hell, a lot of people don't know what will work for them for the next 8 weeks.

The term genderfluid is, I feel, spectacular. It's telling yourself and the world: "I don't know yet."

Be career fluid. Be living space fluid. And if you're not sure about the next 8 decades or even the next 8 minutes, then if you absolutely, must put a label on yourself, then genderfluid is pretty much accurate, I'd say.

Aaaa,thank you so much for responding me,i've had only this in my head for so much time that it started to pain me. Thanks for making this more clear for me! I've kinda been scared recently because i didn't know what to think tbh,this really helped me,thank you again

Oh, I'm so glad! I'm old enough to be your mom and I recall being pushed to decide on a career, etc. at an early age. Well, the thing I love to do and am good at hadn't been invented then!

We never know what tomorrow will bring. No sense in getting it all "set" today.

agreed with jespah - almost always she gives the best advice (I think you would also do well as a counselor)

Any way - I have a daughter about the same age as you. In the prior year she was questioning things about herself - suddenly had a crush on a girl when she had always been boy crazy. She made herself sick about it to the point that she had anxiety (now she was having anxiety for other reasons too - this just added to it) - any way I was called by guidance and found out some other things as well.

But as far as this one item - I didn't freak out. I told her almost like what jespah said you are young - it is normal to question your identity - it might be a phase or it might not. But there is no reason to decide and put a label on yourself.

Just enjoy being young and explore your feelings. When you are a bit older and mature you may decide you are one way or another and will be in a better position mature-wise to decide. Now just concentrate on being a teen and enjoy your teen years.

This is more a time to discover who you really are - there should be no pressure (within reason meaning as long as you are not doing anything dangerous or harming yourself or anyone else).

Sexuality is not the same as gender identity. The Op is talking about what gender they identify with, not who they'd like to sleep with.

I know you're trying to help.

Of course it isn't - sorry perhaps I was not clear - the point I was trying to put across in my round about way was about the poster's young age - I think this last part is what I was trying to get about -

"Just enjoy being young and explore your feelings. When you are a bit older and mature you may decide you are one way or another and will be in a better position mature-wise to decide. Now just concentrate on being a teen and enjoy your teen years.

This is more a time to discover who you really are - there should be no pressure (within reason meaning as long as you are not doing anything dangerous or harming yourself or anyone else)."

Do whatever you feel comfortable with, yes people will judge you but they are just people and you know your way stronger than them. I have no experience of how you feel right now but wanting to be both genders is something truly beautiful if you like your female looks, then keep them, if you want to act like a boy, then do it, I get told I have a voice of guy when I'm a girl but I don't care, it's their problem, not mine.

Maybe an alternative, spiritual perspective can help:

No one is their identity. Souls have no identity. Souls inhabit bodies but they are not the bodies they inhabit. They come to identify with and attach to their bodies the way people get attached to the type of car they drive, and they start thinking maybe they would like to drive another type of car instead. People are not their cars, and souls are not their bodies.

Sometimes people come to an awareness that material forms and the identity discourses that frame and filter them are dynamic processes that fluctuate; and that truth lies beyond these fluctuations. The soul experiences the body it inhabits and the identity discourses of culture. It sees a body in the mirror and interprets how that body looks in terms of cultural meanings the mind has learned through media, family, and other social institutions.

So you don't have to really love or hate the body you have and what you may or may not be able to do with it. You can simply use your mind to arrive at philosophies for decision-making that satisfy your heart and conscience. You shouldn't hate/judge your body or other aspects of yourself, because that is just practicing negativity that will do you nor anyone else any good. You can work on self-acceptance and world-acceptance by contemplating the Serenity Prayer:

. . . Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other . . .

Acceptance of self and world doesn't mean you have to think that everything about either is right or good. It just means you accept that what you have is what you have to work with. You can devote your mind to assessing what is good/bad, right/wrong, etc. about yourself and the world and seeking ways to change them . . .

. . . and may God bless you with the courage to change that which can be changed, serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; and wisdom to know the one from the other