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Supermarket lobsters escape tank and terrorize shoppers

 
 
Reyn
 
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:44 pm
SUPERMARKET LOBSTERS ESCAPE TANK & TERRORIZE SHOPPERS

World Weekly News
By Nick Jeffreys

Lobsters terrorized shoppers in a Nebraska Food Rite supermarket after their tank shattered and they escaped.

Customers fled up and down the colorful labyrinth of food aisles, frantically dodging dozens of evil crustaceans that were aggressively brandishing their snapping claws.

"They were greenish blue devils, slimy and wet," says Reva Shubert, 33, who was in the produce department when the horror began. "Their little feet made eerie 'click-clack' sounds as they scuttled around finding victims."

The married mother of three says she quickly climbed into the tastefully arranged fruit dis- play and covered herself with cantaloupes.

"I hid myself well," says Shubert, "but I could see through a gap in the produce. I'll never forget the spraying blood and the screams of those poor people. I still have flashbacks and nightmares."

Shubert saw a man sprinting around the corner, his shopping cart on two wheels, one of the lobsters close on his heels.

"The lobster caught him by the ankle and slashed his legs until he let go of the cart and fell to his knees," says Shubert. "I didn't even know lobsters made noise, but it let out a high-pitched screech. It must have called to the others because seconds later, several of them were massing like mad flies on top of the man.

"They savaged him. I could see bits of flesh flying and a pool of blood spreading under him until he stopped struggling. When they ate their fill, they scattered to find others."

The same grisly scene was repeated all over the supermarket. The scurrying lobsters brought down six customers and an assistant manager before the police could shoot them all to shellfish hell.

"We got a strange call from someone yelling about a lobster attack," says Chief Benjamin Jones of the Treasure Town Police Department. "The woman said, 'I'm standing in the ice-cream case and I'm freezing to death. Hurry!'

"When we got inside it was a war zone. Bloody bodies of shoppers slumped all over the place. Overturned carts. The cash register girls were running in place on the black conveyor belts. Customers were hiding everywhere.

"The manager said the glass tank must have had a small crack and the pressure of the water made it explode, shooting lobsters all over the supermarket. They got the rubber bands off their claws so fast I think they already had it planned out. Who would have thought lobsters were so angry at us for boiling them alive and eating them? I used to enjoy a good surf and turf dinner. Not any more."

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/images/wwn/208371/48493.jpg
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,382 • Replies: 23
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littlek
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:48 pm
oh for crying out loud!
0 Replies
 
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:48 pm
I suppose we will have a movie of the week very soon....
0 Replies
 
LionTamerX
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:51 pm
Quick !!! Someone alert homeland security !
Think of the children !

Oh, the humanity...
0 Replies
 
Reyn
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:54 pm
Intrepid wrote:
I suppose we will have a movie of the week very soon....
Maybe a re-enacted documentary? I think it would sell.

<nods>
0 Replies
 
Intrepid
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:57 pm
Who could we get to play the killer lobsters. We should consult Mr. S.B. Squarpants immediatley!
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 08:59 pm
Reyn is a precious resource to our committed, informed community. Let no one here ever lose sight of that.
0 Replies
 
Reyn
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 09:03 pm
Intrepid wrote:
Who could we get to play the killer lobsters. We should consult Mr. S.B. Squarpants immediatley!

I think the same cast from "The Killer Tomatoes" will do the job nicely. Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Reyn
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 May, 2005 09:05 pm
Setanta wrote:
Reyn is a precious resource to our committed, informed community. Let no one here ever lose sight of that.

Well thank you kindly, sir! It's nice to be recognized as an ASSet here. You know, it's a dirty, thankless job, but somebody's got to do it! I guess it might as well be me. Rolling Eyes Laughing
0 Replies
 
Jim
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 06:15 am
Reminds me of the original Outer Limits episode

"The Zanti Misfits"
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 06:55 am
Aren't their claws bound? How could the furiously snap at people with bound claws?
0 Replies
 
Reyn
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 07:16 am
That must be the "after" picture once the terrorists were re-captured.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 07:20 am
I know but don't they bind them in the tanks? How do they get them out without the bind on their claws?
0 Replies
 
Reyn
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 08:17 am
One of life's deep mysteries, I guess. Perhaps there's an "alien" connection to this story?
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 08:17 am
Reyn wrote:
One of life's deep mysteries, I guess. Perhaps there's an "alien" connection to this story?


Laughing

Shocked

Maybe you are right...
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 09:01 am
Where's Montana when we need her?!
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 09:03 am
Where IS Montana?
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 09:30 am
Working 12 hr. days at the lobster plant. She's a PROFESSIONAL lobster killer, dontcha know.
0 Replies
 
Reyn
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 05:27 pm
They should have hired her to do security guard work for this lobster tank. Laughing
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2005 08:00 pm
Exactly!
0 Replies
 
 

 
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