More stuff found in Wendy's chili

Dick Cheney Found in Bowl of Wendy's Chili

Bongo News
May 18, 2005
by Mark Fisher

SAN JOSE, Ca ?- A woman claims she bit into the head of Vice-President Dick Cheney in a bowl of Wendy's chili on Monday, sparking a series of apologies by the fast-food chain and forcing the evacuation of the White House and other key government buildings in Washington, DC.

The 39-year old woman, whose name has been withheld for national security reasons, says she bit into the Vice President after only a few spoonfuls.

"I was stunned," she told reporters. "I always order a large chili because it's low in fat and high in fiber. Nobody said anything about it containing Dick Cheney."

The woman says she intends to sue Wendy's for a replacement bowl of chili and $12.5 billion for emotional distress. Part of her lawsuit will also focus on alleged false advertising and potential health hazards associated with the incident, according to the woman's attorney.

"Wendy's advertises a large bowl of chili as having 330 calories and 9 grams of fat," said the attorney. "That hardly seems accurate if you throw the Vice President into the equation. The increases in fatty acids and cholesterol alone are staggering."

The reclusive Vice-President, often chided for his seemingly endless secret hideaways, received minor bruising of the forehead as a result of the woman's bite but was otherwise unharmed. The Wendy's restaurant was locked down by Secret Service personnel for a brief period, during which Cheney was whisked away to an undisclosed hideout in locker B-1014 of the San Jose Greyhound station.