Young women and the dangers of vulgar language.

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When I was a young man, I learned how to cuss. There were benefits to cussing; it builds healthy social groups and develops identity. It gives a way to express strong emotions and to express sexual ideas (which is important in adolescence). And it is fun. I was never damaged by it. I never had any problem understanding that my vocabulary with my sports friends was quite different than my vocabulary at church. As an adult my language at work is (almost) strictly professional. Around the poker table... not so much. No one really cares.

This came up in another thread... that vulgar language is somehow a threat to teenage girls. The specific reference was to girls referring to themselves and their friends as "bitches" and "ho's". I laughed when I read this, my daughter has a cool group friends that are responsible, creative, decent to each other and supportive. They call each other "ho's" and use the word "bitch" to mean "badass" in a positive sense.

When I overhear them, I always say something half-heartedly "Geez mija, I am right here", but I know that this is how they are. They are expressing themselves in a way that is meaningful to them. If you listen to the context, they are supporting each other, expressing their identity and challenging gender roles.

What is your opinion?

I am quite sure that many teen girls are doing this. Do you agree that this is healthy?

Is this somehow different for girls than it is for boys?

Do you think an adult should try to control this behavior?

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Vulgarity among friends is ok, but when it gets to the point where people speak vulgarly in public or with strangers it's not ok.

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I raised both my kids not to cuss around me. I don't cuss around them and I expect the same from them.

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@McGentrix,

The point is that I raise my daughter and my sons with the same expectations. Maybe I am a more relaxed father than most.

But I am curious... You really never overheard your kids swearing?

My oldest son was an athlete (boxing and soccer). Around these kids you would hear swearing.... not directed at adults, but you would hear it. My daughter's friends like D&D and Anime. It is the same thing ... It is part of the social ritual.

My daughter hosts D&D games at our house, and I drive to Anime conventions... They are always respectful to me, but I hear it.

I have always made the distinction between swearing to hurt someone, and swearing to express emotion or belonging. I don't mind "this game is ******* cool" so much. If someone says "you suck asshole" then we have a problem.

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@InfraBlue,

Re: "...in public..."
There is a reason it is called "offensive" language. Some people use that language in public because their real intent is to offend people.

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@Ponderer,

I am talking about the use of vulgar language among friends or peers. In this case vulgar language is positive... it signifies being accepted as part of a group.

When a friend sees me, slaps me on the shoulder and says "what's up mf'er?", it is not meant to offend. It is meant to show familiarity and friendship mixed with humor. Of course, this is far more likely to happen at the poker room then at church; context is everything.

Upsetting strangers in public is a topic for a different thread.

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@maxdancona,

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRZoGP3JNPhRGpyc4tIgUSxBsnzpxmbFztMi-Fg2aNX_jj5zdE7UQ

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Every habit, including mental habits like thinking in terms of vulgarity, can become addictive. People who get used to vulgarity find it boring to listen to clean language. It impairs there ability to devote full attention to things they would otherwise benefit from attending to.

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@maxdancona,

Do you consider this thread to be public?
Are you aware that young girls might read this thread because of the title?
Do you think that some young girls might be offended by the language?

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@Ponderer,

Quote:

Do you think that some young girls might be offended by the language?

Yeah right, A "young girl" is going to be perusing the internet on her own, come across able to know and see a thread about "vulgar" language. She is then going to open said thread and read the word "bitch" which will scar her for life because it is a bad word.

I think you are being silly. A child who is too fragile to see vulgar language is too young to be using the internet unsupervised (people under 13 aren't supposed to read able2know anyway).

But there is an interesting question here. Do "young girls" need to to protected from offensive language more than "young boys" do? If you have the same overprotective attitude toward boys that you do toward girls (of the same age) then at least you are being fair. My main point is that the standard for girls and boys should be the same.

The message is that girls are innocent and fragile creatures. I don't raise my daughter that way.

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Many didn't understand
why I held her little hand
...like a gold rose

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@Ponderer,

Ponderer wrote:

Many didn't understand
why I held her little hand
...like a gold rose

Would you hold your son's little hand like a gold rose?

Treating little girls and little boys differently from a young age is part of the way we teach them the gender roles we expect them to take when they get older.

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@maxdancona,

That was another man's daughter. He did in a car wreck and she reached out (literally) to me. Her brother suffered from inner rage over losing his dad. When he turned it against me, I had to control both of his hands. My touch taught him to be a gentle man.

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