Affair and he got me to lie to his wife

Leave him.

He is using you and his wife. Have you heard having your cake and eat it too...this is a clear of example of it.

He wants you but does not want to leave his home life that is why he lied and had you lie as well. I think you know it - you just don't want to believe it.

In the short term you will hurt but in the long term you be so much better off.You already wasted enough time on this loser.

They live close, I can’t even go out the door in fear of seeing him with her, she deserves to know the truth, I’ve spoken with a counsellor and suffering health wise with anxiety and depression and she said the truth will come out at some stage because I’m keeping this to myself and can’t.

Glad that you have counseling and hoping that is helping you. You do not deserve to be a doormat. Remember that living well is the best revenge. It is hard now - but it will get better as you get stronger.

I only went as a one off for advice, I’ve been to go over health and won’t tell him the real reason I’m down, they’re trying to get me to go counselling. Does his wife deserve the truth?

hi, is this his first affair? It seems this man is untrusting, he has no respect for his wife and hadn't for years so it says a lot about his character. i don't think he had any intention of ever leaving his wife, when he got caught he was basically asking for forgiveness and getting you to lie shows he thought nothing of you, keep all your messages. It seems he thinks he can just walk away from this and go back to a happy marriage, not kids, kids adapt to marriage breakups as long as they see both parents, its worse if an affair is brought to light, if he doesn't love his wife and doesn't sleep with her surely its setting a bad example to the children as to how married life is, is he lying? Im sorry but for your own peace of mind i think his wife should know the truth, you do not need to do it physically, draught an email or a letter, you do not need to put your name to it, you will feel so much better and it will be up to him to do the explaining. send evidence if needs be of his messages about his intentions to leave and that his marriage was over.
I've been through this, divorced last year and i was grateful that someone had approached me to let me know because i wasted years of my life with a man who lied to me. it hurt me yes and hurt my kids but they have a good relationship with their dad as for the kids sake we decided to keep it from them, they're 15, and 19. he done it to her, got you to lie so this man has no future with his wife. there are organisations and people who will support you due to health reasons

It’s not his first and only lately started saying about his kids, when I mentioned backing off 18 months ago and the reasons he wasn’t having it, my family, friends etc all fell out with me because they warned me I’d get hurt. I didn’t listen. I love him still and he keeps saying he loves me but doesn’t want to lose his kids. So I’ve wasted years, I’ve lied to save his marriage. Yes I was advised to seek help to get the truth out as long as I’ve the messages to prove it.

once a cheat always a cheat, this man wants best of both worlds and if you step back he will be in bed with his wife because he has no heart. my husband done th same until i was approached and don't think it will fall back on you, it won't, he controlled you, he manipulated the situation and he lied so let the loser see what it really feels like to get hurt. why should he get off living happily whilst you suffer and continue to hurt and takes years to heal and regain trust.

it doesn't take years to realise you love your children, he has no respect for anyone and their wellbeing, if he was a reputable man he'd either get up and leave his wife for himself not for another woman or he would all his wife the whole truth and deal with the consequences because it will get out at some stage. option 1 would be his easiest right now. you've been tramped on and used like a doormat, you really need to see someone and i hope you get what you deserve, the truth. I'm assuming when you met he told you he didn't love his wife, my blood is boiling, how can men do this to women, he thought very little of you

Depression is anger turned inside.

You are humiliated and ashamed because you lied- but he set you up for it. Your conscience is hurting, but remember that he took advantage of your goodness and feelings for him to make you lie for him. Then he turns on you and betrays his promises to you.

He will be found out, it will just take time. No need to embroil yourself any further into this drama.

Be glad it all blew up and all things got revealed - and you can walk with your head held high. HE is the manipulator and liar.

I would focus on yourself. If you have counseling available please go to it. They will help you focus on yourself and how to deal with depression.

His wife does deserve the truth, but personally I think it best if you just leave it all behind. She will find out. I wouldn't lie to her, but I would not go out of my way to tell her. A counselor would be even better to help with you on this than I could.

Hello, firstly stay strong. This man is a manipulative liar. He thinks by saying he’s staying for the kids and has to live until the day he dies knowing he lied is acceptable to just get on with marital life. It’s selfish, a woman is living with with the guilt of lying to save his marriage and the hurt of betrayal and the lies and suffering heslthwise and the inability to trust anyone to be faithful and love.
I deal with situations like this from both sides on a daily basis and he won’t live with guilt of lies, it will be the consequences of hurt and betrayal to you and his wife and children. I’d advise you to seek counselling to get yourself better, my advice to him would be to leave his wife on the basis the marriage is over than live a lie or to tell her he has lied to her and the children, bearing in mind the trauma you’ve suffered. If he’s seeking advice he needs to totally honest,
* he told you his marriage was over and he didn’t love his wife,
* he told you he was leaving his wife,
* you told him 18 months ago you were backing off to let him sort it but continued seeing him because you loved him,
* he got caught, he got you to lie still making you believe he was leaving his wife but lying so his kids would talk to him,
* you lied because you believed him, his marriage was over was over and he was leaving so why not, you lied because he’d made promises to you
* you then question him concerning what his wife knows and he can’t answer, he will tell you he told her bits but he has lied, he can’t cope because you’re starting to catch on he has lied so he starts using kids as an excuse
* he then tries to say he’s being punished by living the rest of his life knowing he lied to his kids.
* what about the hurt, the lies he has told you, the promises he broke
* he will say he realises he needs to stay for the kids and not his wife but is this true?

I’m being completely honest here but I think he has used you, and you know that, he never had any intention of leaving, he thinks he can get the best of two worlds but no he can’t. He will get found out and I’d advise you to hold on to anything you’ve got incase he decides to give your name. Real men don’t hurt women.
Even if you don’t talk to him again from now he will be found out because I’m most situations someone will say something, people will see you’re living in hurt and sometimes folk get concerned and take actions themselves so he can’t live a lie.
Look after yourself and remember you are loved and are a strong person.