love triangel - what should I do?

I am female and 20 years old and don`t know what to do. I have a loving and doting boyfriend who would do everything for me but i`m still in love with my old crush who parties way too hard.
When I was in first grade I met a boy who was living very close to my house. over the next couple of years we became friends and played together mostly outside. When I got older I fell in love with him and during a conversation about our love interests I told him that I had a crush on him but he never responded. so when in the beginning of our tenth year there was a rumor about his new love interest I choose to pretend to have a crush on someone else and tried to distance myself from him.
That was easier said than done but I managed to push my feelings aside and after the tenth year school in my country ends and both of us went to different schools for further education with next to no contact.
Now I have a good and loving boyfriend who I am in a relationship with fro a year. his family is nice and mine likes him, too. However there is just one catch. His best friend is my first crush. Now we often party together and while drunk we have talked about us. First thing I found out was that he loved me too, but had been to shy to tell me how he felt and last weekend during his birthday party I asked him if he ever had a girlfriend (including the rumor girl) but he never had. (because of me?!) He also looks away when I kiss my boyfriend and looks kinda sad. Then I told him that I just pretended to have a crush on someone else and always loved him. Ssuddenly he asked me if i still do but tried to distract me shortly after that by stating that we would talk later and that he wouldn't want to break up my relationship.
Later that evening he gave me his phone to control the music. Then his phone rang and i went to look for him. he had just entered a small room with a fridge in it to get some alcohol (where we live its legal to drink beer with 16 and alcohol with 18). We then talked ind joked in that room and he then hugged me and lifted me in the air. I couldn't protest because every time I`m around him my brain just turns off.
My question is what should I do. I am normally not a cheater but i fear that I might not be able to control myself around him.
Should I break up my otherwise perfect relationship for someone who lives five out of seven days a week somewhere else and when he drinks its always to much and it might not even work in the long run or should I suppress my feelings and stay with my boyfriend who I also love?
Both options are not feeling satisfying to me and i wonder how I ended up that way. Six months ago I still thought love triangles were poorly written fiction. In addition to that we all live in a small town where everyone knows you or knows at least who your family is and my grandparents are friends with members of both of the men´s families. So should I end things with my boyfriend to start a relationship with his best friend, it will not just affect us three but our families, too. And half of our town might call me a slut because both men have an extended circle of friends.