Dumped Out of Nowhere Again

It’s a very long story so I will do my best to keep this short.

Met A Oct 2016 and immediately felt something I never have and I’ve dated and been with a lot of women. She’s a modern dancer and Pilates instructor. I work in finance on a trading desk. A happens to be my best friends girlfriends sister. I live with my best friend and A lives with her sister. Yes it’s a complicated dynamic.

She had a bf at the time, a month after they broke up A and I slept together for the first time. My roommate didn’t want it to continue and her sister told A she couldn’t date me. Every time we saw each other there was intense chemistry. 5 months later she’s “hooking up” w/ some kid and we end up sleeping together and both admit there’s something between us and want to date. Roommate and gf break up that week and we agree that we can’t see each other. A month later they’re back together so A and I start talking again, see each other, make plans to hang out. Apparently she’s been seeing somebody from out of town for a month or so, she cancels plans on me. About 2 weeks later she dumps him and hits me up, we start dating. We date for 3 months, very intensely. No official talks or anything but going on dates and sleeping at each other’s places 3-4 times a week. I’m under the impression she is crazy in love with me and we’re about to get serious. She goes away on a family trip, everything seems great, she comes back, we hang out a few times and less than a week later she blindside dumps me saying she’s not ready for a serious relationship and we’re in different places in life and she’s not ready to fall in love (she’s 23 turning 24 at the time I’m 27). I’m destroyed by the break up.

After this the following events take place: We sleep together 2 months later 2 weekends in a row, she flakes on 2 things with me, I find out she’s hooking up with one of my good friends roommates, she brings some kid she apparently hooked up with on that fam trip (we weren’t exclusive at the time though I thought we were about to be) to a friends party where I am (she winds up calling me the next day apologizing), she starts coming around more and we become “friendly” again and this brings us to this past July.

She’s leaving for a 3 week trip, we sleep together the night before she leaves. I think it’s just a one time thing and plan to use the 3 weeks to try and really get over her bc to that point I had not moved on. To my surprise while she’s in Italy she begins texting me and we start talking. She gets back and we start hooking up again pretty much every week for the next 2 months. During this time she’s telling my best friend she’s not ready for a relationship but likes me likes hanging out with me etc. after 2 months of this everything changes and she says she wants to be with me. “You’re special to me, being away from you made me realize I want to be with you, I’ve been an idiot, I’m done being scared, you make me happy, you’re the only one I want and will be exclusive to you and give you my whole heart and when you’re ready you can give me yours (I told her I want to give it a shot also but she’d have to prove herself and get my trust back after everything that had happened)” are things she said.

We started dating again. Again very intensely off the bat. Quickly she introduces me to her whole family. Talks of future plans like trips and owning a dog together. Everything seems like a fairytale once again. She tells me she loves me first. Eventually I tell her I love her too a few weeks later. We have a few small fights this time due to some of my trust issues with her so it’s not all perfect but I was working on it and she was doing her best to help as well. I’m under the impression everything is great though, we love each other and that’s only growing stronger, we have a whole future coming to us. She invites me on her families Christmas vacation. I’m ecstatic, the girl I’ve been wanting back this whole time is telling me she loves me and pushing the pace of the relationship. I’d say about 4 or 5 days into the 7 day trip she starts acting weird, distant, I ask her whats wrong and she says everything is fine, eventually snapping at me at dinner our last night (I tell her not to snap at me), something is seriously off so I try to give her space.

2 days after we get back she breaks up with me. Reasons she gave:
- She said it all started about 3 weeks before this, we woke up together, she was getting ready to leave, I kissed her cheek, and she started doubting or being unsure. She pushed them aside and felt better about everything and then they came back on vacation
- said I deserve somebody who loves me as much as I love her
- loves me but isn’t in love with me and really wants to be (Dont understand how she can say this and have looked at me the way she did, smile/laugh the way she did, show the affection she did, say the things she did. What girl is texting her bf at 1am on a Tuesday night just to tell him how much she loves him if shes not in love with him)
- I love her too much
- we see the future differently (which I said we’ve barely spoken about that) so she changed it to we want different things because were different people, that she’s more free spirited and wild and spontaneous and I’m more planned and organized and like to plan my fun
- said I hold her down (I said I’ve never once stopped you from doing anything you’ve wanted to do) she said whenever I want to do something I feel like I have to see if you can do it too then said that didn’t come out right
- said I base too many decisions on her decisions
- said I only do things she wants to do then said but then again you’re so easy going you’d always do something I want to do but she doesn’t want that for me
- said that I did things for her that made her think “don’t do that for me”
- said she’s unhappy sometimes (which kills/confuses me because she always seemed extremely happy when with me)
- that we were falling into the relationship at diff rates
- when I said let’s take some space and talk about these things that she’s never once mentioned anything to me about what’s bothering her making her unhappy she said what’s the point these feelings will just come back and there’s nothing I can do

I am so beyond confused and hurt. I know things were not perfect but it felt like we were completely in love with each other with so much to come that we were both excited about, that we had an incredible connection and out of nowhere this is what happened after everything we’ve been through. No difficult conversations of her telling me things that are bothering her or making her unhappy.

3 weeks later and it appears she’s completely moved on and doesn’t have a morsel of feelings left for me.

What the hell could have happened? I don’t get how we can be on such drastically different pages and me have no idea? I don’t know if she’s not a good person (my roommates tells me she always breaks guys hearts), if she’s just too young and immature for a real relationship with me (she just turned 25 and I turned 29), or if we’re somehow incompatible? (Though I never felt we were incompatible at all, different types of people yes in some aspects but had a ton in common and really thought we fit great together). Maybe she's a narcissist/has commitment issues/is BPD?

I’ll provide any missing details if you ask because there’s a ton I skipped. It feels like she had a few days of perfectly normal doubts/uncertainties and let them get away from her and when we were on a pretty intense vacation together she let little things get under her skin. Im most upset about the fact that she never came to me with what was bothering her. I’m just so beyond confused and was hoping for some insight.