Reply
Tue 3 May, 2005 10:23 pm
Hello, this is our dilemma. My wife's father took out $3200 in PLUS loans while she was in college. It helped a little, seeing as she absorbed the rest of the cost between her scholarship and $26,000 of her own student loans. However, other than a little money here and there, that didn't necessarily "put her through college" or anything, he didn't provide any substantial financial support. Since he decided to go to college and get a degree at that same time, he got a deferment which just compounded the interest over time. Then he went into bankruptcy, which now only recently the loans have finally come into repayment.
So after all this, he conveniently forgets about the loan until a few months ago, when it comes into repayment and he tells us about it. Even my wife had no recollection of the loan until he brought it up, and it was such a huge ordeal he agreed to pay it himself. Now, after he comes to town and sees how well we are doing, it suddenly becomes a huge burden for him to pay the $50/month and he wants us to take it over.
So now the personal issues: we paid for almost all of our wedding a few years ago, and in fact are still waiting for as much as a wedding card from her father. He provided very little assistance while she was in college (less than 15% compared to what my wife took on). With our first baby only a few weeks away, we can't hope for anything there either from her father who has only become a source of grief and anger to my wife over the many years. Lastly, I was able to help out with the sale of their house and "gifted" nearly $2,000 to him already that we did because he had previously agreed to absorb the loan in the first discussion.
We have the money, but we didn't get here by doing stupid things. What is your opinion? For those in college and your parents have PLUS loans, what is your setup? Do you even have one? For parents who have taken plus loans: what do you think?
All things above discarded, who do you think should pay for PLUS loans? If you want to consider the above, then are we just being selfish, or do we have a right to frustrations as well and maybe justified in telling him to suck up the loan himself?
FYI: if you don't already know, since PLUS loans are in the parent's name, only the parent is obligated to pay it.
Re: Who should pay for college PLUS loans, parent or child?
jameslv1 wrote:All things above discarded, who do you think should pay for PLUS loans?
I would love to pay my own way when I get my shot at college.
Quote: If you want to consider the above, then are we just being selfish, or do we have a right to frustrations as well and maybe justified in telling him to suck up the loan himself?
I don't think you are being selfish, but rather just concerned with abiding folly. However in my own case, I'd probably just pay it as long as it's not a big deal. Since it was ultimately to her benefit and it's only a small amount per month, I would just pay it.
Note: I never got a cent from my parents (i.e. not even for a piece of candy), so I'm biased toward not relying on parents for a thing. I also am biased toward just paying up instead of being involved in financial disputes, which I detest. So if it were the parent asking this question I'd tell him that in his situation as well, I would just pay it.
Hmmm - I would not want the drama of NOT paying it, meself. Seems more kerfuffle and family crap than it is worth.
And, I gather the father is in some financial distress?
I may also be biased - since, in my case, accepting anything from my father would result in a level of attempts at emotional control and blackmail that were almost obscenely out of proportion to any benefit. So - I neither asked for anything, nor accepted anything that was offered, generally speaking.
But - I was lucky - I won scholarships from High School on.
Looking at it coldly - I would look at the degree of drama involved in the pay/non-pay options.
Sometimes it is helpful to recall that there are many parents who LOVE to help their kids - and do it without any costs attached...
I was never one to depend on my parents either, even though they were financially able.
I think if the parents are living from pay to pay themselves, it's not fair to expect them to pay. On the other hand, if they are financially well off, I think it would be in the best interest of their children if they did cover the cost.
In your case, since your father-inlaw already took the loan on her behalf, I think he should follow through with paying it, but it does sound like he has fallen on financial hard times, so in this case, I would personally end up taking over the payments.
It doesn't sound as though your wife has a very close relationship with her father. If it were me, I'd probably just take over the payment and chalk it up to one more example of how he wasn't there for me.
On the surface of it, he should pay off the loan. It's his loan, in his name, and his financial obligation. We don't always keep things at a suface level and emotions get involved. Your wife should decide if the emotional trauma is worth the energy it takes to be in a financial battle with her father. I'd think it will come down to her overall relationship with him.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace