Who was your first?

In May 1996, I made a proposition to a woman -- I assume she's a woman because she said she is, but I don't really know -- I met on a Usenet forum. "Let's have an affair..." I began. All I knew of her was that she was in a loveless marriage with three children. She knew very little about me as well. Our ground rules were simple: no real names, no photos, no descriptions, no locations, no family stories or strife, no occupations, no lies, no judgment, no "reality". We were just two lost souls trying to connect with one another in such a way that we felt supported, appreciated and, ultimately, loved.

Almost seven years later, this person, whom I know only as "S", is in many ways the closest person in the world to me. We exchange e-mails several times a day and every time I see new mail from her, my heart still skips a beat. We have dinners and movie dates -- we take turns picking recipes and videos to try -- and we frequently send each other "gifts" (poetry, short stories, computer art). In all our time together, we've had but one disagreement (she broke one of our rules when she asked me about my job), but within an hour, we were back to normal. S is funny, articulate, creative, kind...she's simply an incredible person.

So, there she is. My first and only "virtual" love. Still going strong, still playing by the rules.

Wow!

It's funny...I never mentioned S to anyone else before. Feels good in a way, but I feel a little guilty too, like somehow I broke an unstated rule between us. I always secretly hoped that she talked about me with her friends and I guess I want her to feel the same way about me. But so much of the relationship seems based on the privacy with which we conduct ourselves -- to talk about it, even in the relative anonymity of this place -- seems wrong. What a strange feeling to have all of a sudden.

If it seems wrong, don't. Doubt she would mind though.

Way back when.. When the Commodore 64 was "New" and 150bps modems were all the rage (you folks all remember those days right? lol) I met up with a bunch of other geeks that ran a local BBS. I still stay in touch with them. I can still remember how we all marveled over beers when Commodore came out with the floppy drives for those things. Woohoo! No more cassette tapes! lmao

One of the guys I used to deal with all the time via phone and e-mail some 12 years ago is still in touch. I hear from him at least once a week but we've never actually met face-to-face.

The 1st Abuzz/A2K people I ran met in R/L were TerryDoo and Marycat at one of the Abuzz gatherings.

Mwwwaahhh! I couldn't resist. I had to go back to Abuzz and see. It took me a while to go back to my first few posts but the 1st person that I carried on a discussion with that I still run into was.... TERRYDOO!

(That was back on June 7th, 2000 in a thread titled "Women: what is the MOST important trait you seek in men?" The list of people in that thread brought back lots of memories! lol)

What is a Usenet Forum? I live a sheltered life:)

I was moved by your story, but don't you feel out of touch? {No pun intended} ... part of loving someone is sharing their life, right? So if you're not sharing each others lives, what's to talk about? Do you not feel as tho' you're walking on eggshells all the time? Afraid to infringe on the others boundary?

I think it's wonderful that you found someone who can make you happy, that's really most important.

Hmmm, Misti, how to describe Usenet? It's got a really long history, technically speaking, but most people know it as a network of newsgroups (or forums or message boards). There are a ridiculous number of topics with names like rec.pets.dogs.breeds (where you can discuss every breed of dog from pit bulls to Chihuahuas). Many e-mail programs can let you access usenet forums. If you'd like some more information, I'd be happy to get you some links.

As for your other point on feeling out of touch, no I don't really. That's where the rules become so essential. By knowing so little about the specifics of her physical life, I don't find myself longing to "be" with her. I have full access to all that she is to me. And it's just the opposite of walking on eggshells. We've had wide-ranging conversations on thousands of topics: politics, medicine, theatre, sex, religion, society, it never stops. Outside of our few rules, there are no limits. She can ask me anything and so can I of her.

The only thing I've had to come to terms with her marriage and my relationship. For awhile, it bothered me but over time I've rationalized it to a point that I can be comfortable with it.

The Usenet is great, a bit difficult to comprehend at first, especially with Outlook Express, but there are so many "discussion" groups on it.

So..I had to go browse through thousands of posts from Jun 2000 but, after a bit, I figured it out.
The first persona I carried on a conversation with over at buzzland would have been ExRugger and snoopster that I still see on occassion....and it was a topic about people in bars...hysterical actually all the peeps in that one.
There were many posts before that though that Sugar was involved in as well however, we didnt talk to each other.
The first person I met on the board and in the flesh that I still see is bored. That same week though I also met fishin and countzero, those grand boys.
I still am in contact or see here and there most of the people I met over on buzzland, and quite a few of them are great friends so, its all good.

If I had stayed in the Boston area I know I would have met many people from abuzz and here. That would have been great.

My "real" first was a 16-year old jewish girl I met at a ski resort in Colorado. Man, was she ever built. Nice to have lost it to a real hottie.

Surprised you're still seeing each other after all this time, Quinn, if he was bored from the beginning.

oiy

"if you are not bored please click here"

ahem

bored is a girl first of all....and I dont think shes bored anymore, although, she'll always be bored, she just isnt

how crazy is that???

Well, ah. . .

that is, um, well, okay.

errr ... the first person i "met" online ... i dunno. i started posting on mailinglists from ... '93 onward. so i dont remember the times fishin' is talking about, but i remember posting to lists from an ms-dos-based e-mail programme, and the wonder of using the first webbrowser (mosaic), on the one university library computer that had it (where there would always be a few guys hanging around and looking over the lucky user's shoulder waiting for the next page to load).

I didn't do usenet newsgroups, tho, only listserv mailinglists, they were more ... in-depth, usually, and i didnt go for the chatty stuff, i was pretty fundamentalist about it. the net was only for study. yeh, i really didnt go for the chat part of the net for a long time - didnt get icq or messenger until anastasia forced me to, in 2000.

through the mailinglists you got some one-on-one contacts too, though. i remember being asked to rewrite a post on vitas luckus as a book review for some australian-lithuanian journal or so, but i didnt do it (procrastinated); and they put another of the reviews i wrote up on some lithuanian webzine. the editor of the book actually later contacted me through e-mail! that was cool.

the first person i met online that i got in personal contact with was this polish girl who did some action for kosovo. we started calling and in the end we met, too, and travelled to albania together for a meeting of the web-based volunteer network we joined. got in a bit too deep there, actually ... <nods>. i got an e-mail from her a few months ago, she works in georgia now! brave woman.

anastasia worked for the same network, lived in germany at the time. so we got to know each other through e-mail, then lost contact for a year or so, then got back in touch through e-mail and messenger, & i invited her to come to abuzz too, and in the end we met irl. and, well, you know the story: she lives here now .

thanks to e-mail, i also kept in touch with some people whom i met irl (both here and around europe) for much longer than i ever would have through old-fashioned mail.

i dont remember who the first person was i talked with on abuzz. i'd joined as 'wouter' (later changed to 'dubbed out'), and discussed politics and so on. i only later 'reinvented' myself under a second moniker, no-itsme, and i do remember the first 'chat thread' i joined as such, and the first person who talked to me there: the comfy sofa thread, and eBeth ;-)

i remember wouter. an interesting person. and then there was nimh - a most amazing writer.

ehBeth - cherish the moment - 3333 posts! not bad ...