How can the California CWS prove Child Abuse without pictures of bruises

Forums: Child Welfare Services, Physical Child Abuse, No Picture Proof, California Laws
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I have a strong belief that my 4 year old daughter is being physically abused by her mother. I visit my daughter in California once a month because I live on the east coast. I visited her last week and this is what happened. I bought her a stuffed animal and while I was driving, she decided to hang it out the window and wouldn’t stop doing it after several times of asking her not to. So, I explained to her that if she accidentally dropped it, it could distract the driver behind us and they could potentially crash and kill themselves, someone else, or worse. So she folded into her arms and started crying saying, “I don’t want to get in trouble.” So I told her that she wasn’t going to get in trouble and to just keep her stuffed animal in the car. Then I asked her, “well what do you mean by getting in trouble? Like do you get whoopings? And she said, “No but my mommy slaps me on the face.” She has two other brothers not by myself. So, I asked if mom were slapping them too and she said yes. Then I asked if anyone else was slapping them and she said no. The next day when I picked her up from preschool, one of the daycare providers came up to me and told me that my daughter may give me a hard time because she’s crying. She explained that my daughter told onother little girl, “My mommy is going to slap you.” So my daughter started crying because she thought she was going to get in trouble because that little girl told on her.

I calmed her down, and left with her. So what do I do? Contact Child Welfare Services? Is it really true that per the California Laws, you need to have evidence like pictures of bruising to prove child abuse? She doesn’t have any bruising. Before I contact them, how can they exactly prove child abuse? I know they don’t go based off of what I say and that they do an interview with everyone involved. They’ll make my daughter go through exercises like looking at certain pictures, colors, etc, to see how she’ll react to them.

I need someone experienced in this field or someone that actually works with CWS to answer my questions please.

Also, when I tried to get my daughter to take a nap, she folded up into her arms and started crying. She said that she’s afraid to go to sleep because she’ll have nightmares about monsters because she watches scary movies with her brothers. I asked her where’s mommy when she watches these scary movies, and she said, “In the house with us.”

So, between My February visit and last week visit, she’s become fearful. I can’t raise my voice or become stern with her without her crying thinking that she’s going to get in trouble. I reported Sexual Abuse and it became unfounded. I just don’t know if I’ll be waisting my time again.

My daughter wasn’t like this last month and this month she’s fearful. Please help me.

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@Nevergiveup28,

Contact a California family lawyer and find out if your daughter would be considered competent to testify.

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@jespah,

That age is 14. She’s only 4

1 Reply

@Nevergiveup28,

That's for custody proceedings:
https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/a-childs-preference-california-custody-proceedings.html

14 is not the minimum number for abuse matters (it goes on a child by child basis):
http://www.sblawlibrary.org/uploads/7/3/1/1/7311175/cwhb_2016pt.pdf

0 Replies

@Nevergiveup28,

I understand how upsetting this is for you. But running to CWS may be not as helpful as you'd like it to be. You haven't said if you've had a conversation with your x about your daughter.

At 4, crying and defiant behavior kinda go hand in hand. She's developing normally and like all 4 yr olds, is demonstrating she can control some of her own circumstances. For example, she knew by telling you mommy slaps her would upset you. Did you talk to her mother about that? The situation at preschool is a perfect example. You daughter wasn't afraid the other child was going to get hurt if mommy slapped her - in fact, she most probably welcomed that thought. But she was scared about being tattled on.

It's normal.

Taking a nap is also another battleground 4 yr old can choose to exercise their independence. Being scared of monsters shows her cognitive development is right on track. A scary monster movie could be Monsters Inc, Scooby Doo or even Cookie Monster sings "C" is For Cookie. You seem to imply she's watching slasher movies with mom's full knowledge and approval. You might want to ask her mom about that.

You're not immune, either. Telling a 4 yr old that she would be responsible for someone's death for dropping a stuffed animal out of the car seems over the top to me. Does your car not come equipped with passenger window locks?? Use it, and put an end to that battle.

All in all, nothing you post does not seem like abuse in any way, shape or form. It does scream -- you do not communicate with your x whatsoever. There's your starting point, not CWS.

2 Replies

@neptuneblue,

Good post, but not every pair of ex parents can communicate effectively. In that event, the can follow what is known as 'parallel parenting'.

I follow parallel parenting because my ex is a super control freak and i need that wall of protection to be able to have my own meaningful relationship with my child.

You have to accept that the other parent is going to do things that will annoy you. Not withstanding the requirements of child safety, you need to learn to accept it and let it go - i only with my ex could do that, things would be soooo much better, and better for our child!

0 Replies

@neptuneblue,

Thanks for your response and info. And we communicate but not effectively. She argues with me a lot and even tried to on me behind bars in February by accusing me of sexual assault. So, what if she’s slapping my daughter around? My main question is, how can Child Welfare Services prove that. Through my daughter opening up and saying it? I’m saying that because if for example, she says she’s being sexually abused by someone, then that person would be thrown in jail immediately.

1 Reply

@Nevergiveup28,

Nevergiveup28 wrote:

I reported Sexual Abuse and it became unfounded.

Nevergiveup28 wrote:

She argues with me a lot and even tried to on me behind bars in February by accusing me of sexual assault.

You guys are playing a very dangerous game. One in which the only loser here is going to be your daughter. Shut this **** down. Now.

You may not agree with slapping as punishment and you can relay that to your x. But dragging a 4 yr old into petty ******* **** is just plain WRONG. Love your child MORE than you hate your x.

So, not even 30 days ago, this child has been subjected to two people, yes, TWO people more interested in causing damage to each other than looking to co-parent effectively. You see the kid once a month and you think you're an expert??

IF, and that's a big IF, there's ANY type of abuse going on, CWS is well aware of it. Sexual abuse against a child just doesn't get swept under the rug. It's now on file and BOTH of you need to calm yourselves and work TOGETHER to raise this child. Running to CWS every single time you don't agree with how your x raises your child makes a very long and hateful 14 years until the child reaches 18.

1 Reply

@neptuneblue,

It’s been a long battle since before day 1. My lawyer recommended the CWS. However, regarding your reply and everyone else’s, so to keep my daughter healthy minded, ignore how she raises her for the next 14 years? That’s a hard pill to swallow I don’t know. She gets slapped around and I should keep my mouth shut? I get it to talk to her, but you can’t talk to her. If she knew that I knew she was slapping her around then she would probably slap her again. This whole thing is annoying. I just want what’s in the best interest for her. It looks like from this forum, the best interest is to leave it along with CWS and try to work things out with mom which hasn’t been working since day one. She’s a very difficult woman and doesn’t want me around...it’s really a sad situation because my daughter needs me. Any father would have not been there a long time ago but I’m still here. Trust me it’s been a long battle with everything. Every thing little has to get granted from the courts because she just won’t say yes unless it’s beneficial to her. It’s just, an annoying situation.

2 Replies

@Nevergiveup28,

Oh and she even tried to get me to relinquish my parental rights right before she was born, so yea it’s been a long battle. Any extra timeshare, videochat requests, any and everything has to get approved by the courts because she doesn’t cooperate. It’s always been that way. Her way or the high way. So slapping her child is her way or the high way too? Every day I feel bad for my child that she has to go through that. And now I should leave it alone? It just doesn’t make any sense. Like, if I had full custody and I was slapping her around and mom was on this forum, would leave CWS out of it be the same answer?

1 Reply

@Nevergiveup28,

My history is clean by the way. Oh and she doesn’t want her to have my last name. She has 2 other boys by a different guy and he quit a long time ago. I’m the only one still standing waisting all of my money on lawyers and court fees because she’s the way she is. It’s a crazy situation and just sad.

0 Replies

@Nevergiveup28,

Number one: A lawyer is a mandatory reporter. That means, if at ANY time, a lawyer has suspicion a child is being abused, sexually, physically or mentally, they would not advise you, they'd HAVE to report it to an appropriate authority. So you're full of **** there. No attorney worth their salt wouldn't only advise, they'd DO.

Number two. She's a difficult woman. That I certainly will agree with. But since YOU started this whole sexual abuse thing, I'd have to say you're not much better.

Number three. Your claim of "slapping her around" may be taken out of context concerning discipline and punishment. Again YOU told the kid she could KILL someone. Both are extremely damaging to a child. You both suck as parents.

Number four. Maybe moving closer to your child would allow a better relationship with all involved.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. CWS is NOT a place to air grievances with an x. It is a government agency to protect children, NOT to be a mediator between two divorced adults that act stupidly and maliciously. CWS can and WILL remove a child into foster care if needed.

Work this out.

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How can the California CWS prove Child Abuse without pictures of bruises

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