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Fri 22 Feb, 2019 01:04 pm
Hi, I am a 15 year old student and as you already know I am gay. I have tried many times to prove to myself that I am straight, but what happened to me this school year has proved that I am actually gay. So I am now 8th grade and in my country you usually have to change schools at the end of 7th grade. I am in this new school for computers and for about 2 weeks I got to know everybody from my class. Of course I didn't know them that good, cuz we've only been together for like 2 weeks. I changed my close friends a couple of times as I got to know them better. Actually we went on a trip to Romania with a couple of people from the class. That is the time when I really got to know them. After the trip I felt like something was missing. It was a really strange feeling that I couldn't explain. I started asking myself what is happening and I figured that I wanted to be with that specific person for no reason. And I wanted it soo bad. I was ready to start crying, because I was not with that person. I couldn't wait until we go back to school just so I could see him. So we went to school. Of course I was really excited. And I noticed that we actually aren't all that close as friends. So I tried to get to know him better and let him get to know me. That happened in about a month. Now every time after we finish class he waits for me and another friend of mine, who I also got really close with, but I don't have the same feelings for him and we just talk. We are now close friends. We talk every day in school and when I am close to him and looking at him or talking with him I feel really good and happy. So next step... Wait... I don't know if he has the same feelings as me?!?!?! What if he doesn't?!?! I can't just move on from him. I see him everyday and I will continue seeing him for the next FIVE YEARS. I can't move on! Also I can't just ignore him. Ignoring him is like killing myself. Everyone is telling me to move on and forget about him, but now we are close. I can't just leave him! Also I can't just ask him if he is gay. It is kind of a joke in my school to be gay and everyone thinks that it is disgusting. He won't tell me even if he is, cuz of everyone else. And if he isn't he'll probably take it as a joke or get offended. I haven't told anyone yet. I am just kinda pretending to be straight. My parents don't even know and I don't think now is the perfect time to tell them, because there is a lot going on. It is something that only I know. You'll say that there will never be a perfect time, but... Anyway... Right now I feel like I am trapped. I can't do anything and just the thought of him not feeling the same things or one day having a girlfriend and all of that is just ripping me apart. I wouldn't be able to look at him with a girlfriend, because I would immediately start crying. I don't know what to do. I know that writing this will make me feel better even if no one responds. Soooo yeah.... Thank you to everyone who responds!
@IDontKnowWhatIAm,
Cultivate other friends. Not necessarily people you would want to date. Just, be a friendly guy.
I think you're putting all your relationship "eggs" into one basket, and that's making you overly dependent on any attention this guy gives you.
@jespah,
I get what you mean, but the others in the class are just kind of annoying in many ways. You know the drama about Pewdiepie and all those memes. that is the exact same thing that they talk about every day. And they are trying to bring back some older stuff on the internet that has died months ago by repeating it 5 thousand times a day. And it is not just about the memes. Sometimes I think that some of them need mental help, cuz screaming at someone's face is not the same as laughing and they talk about the same stuff all day, every day. That is just annoying to me. These are most of the people in class. Of course there are other people who are normal and I will try to be nice with them, usually that is what I do. I will try to get to know them better too. About that one specific person I was talking about. I just got a pretty simple idea from another forum and it is just to come out to him by a note or something else, or even face to face and let him know that I actually trust him and that I want to tell him something really important to me that is not a joke or something else. I kinda already know how he is going to react, but I think that me and him need more time to be friends. I really think that coming out to him firstly will make him feel special and possibly understand me. After that if he is just ok with it and nothing crazy happens I will just try to show him that I have some type of special feelings and I actually want him to say what he feels. I think that this is the general goal of all of this. Also I know that he will probably need some time before things go back to normal so I will not try to push everything too fast. Right now I am feeling kind of strange about this idea. I mean telling him first puts him in a really special place in my mind, not just heart, cuz I will never forget this moment.
@IDontKnowWhatIAm,
One thing to keep in mind - lots of people in high school are, for lack of a better term, idiots.
They'll grow out of it.
Perhaps more time needs to pass - is it right this has just been a few weeks you have been close to this person?
Get to know him better. Also remember you will have many crushes during your school years and emotions can run high, so slow down and enjoy all people around you.
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