Cell Phone Etiquette

If it were my phone (it wasn't) and I were the guy (I wasn't), she would learn something about etiquette right then and there.

In other words, it's his call. You might ask him later what he was thinking.

Why are you worrying so much about something that happened months ago?
If your boyfriend was ok with it then what's the problem?

Is this the same female friend you were worrying about a couple of months ago?

My guess is since these two are friends they understand each others boundaries and quirks. The longer the friendship -they more likely this would be a non-issue.

His comment suggests that the wanted help and she simply reached out and helped him. Since they are friends - they probably have an understanding that this is typical of him and her. Nothing more.

Since they were both perfectly at ease with this move it is an understanding within their friendship.

I could see one of my daughters doing this exact same thing for me as they are much more savvy on the iphone. Maybe this is the case?

I think maybe you are more concerned of their relationship than what she did. Try replacing this situation with a friend that was male of his - would that still cause you to pause?

She should have asked if he wanted her to fix it. She didn’t, and he doesn’t seem to mind.

I suspect she’s like this in other areas of her life, too. Right?

this is the part that matters.

the end.

Cell Phone Etiquette

Funny old world isn't it.





Ignore jealousy and/or seek counselling.

Yes, thank you to all of you for your responses. The plot has thickened since my last post of the boyfriend with his female friend. Turns out, there were text messages to each other that were affectionate, more than friendly. When my boyfriend volunteered his phone to me, he had deleted them. I have confronted him about this issue and he denied it. I'm so not into liars. Yes, I told him I would like to end the relationship. It is a hard decision but, there are a multitude of things that have accumulated, a multitude of red flags, vague answers, answers that change, and so forth.
Yes, I've been through this before. He meets all the red flags of past experiences, and of clinical assessments of dishonesty. I expressed this and stated it is better for both of us to not be in an untrusting relationship. He wants to stay together and work it out, suggesting counseling. That was all well and good. However, it's not working. I expressed I'm not interested in a guy who is unfaithful or APPEARS unfaithful. I'm not into it.
I''ve learned to trust my gut and this time I' m trusting my gut. So I am withdrawling from the relationship.

It's complicated, actually too much to write about. All of your comments are appreciated.
My thouhts on sliding his phone to herself was this: I thought is was intrusive of his personal space, and his privacy. I personally would never pick up a friends phone without asking first, if I may help, or perhaps show.
I feel it would have been appropriate for her to have stated somehting along the lines of, "I know how to fix it, would you like me to show you?" I think that would have been respectful to him, and actually respectful to me as the girlfriend. I believe there are boundaries that a female friend should respect to her male friend with a girlfriend.

I have a male friend who has a girlfriend. I am very conscientious of her feelings, and make a point of interacting pleasantly and friendly that respects her place has his beloved. My boyfriends female friends does not do that. I'm not into the love triagle, or any insinutations of it. It's a drag. So I am bailing out.

"My thouhts on sliding his phone to herself was this: I thought is was intrusive of his personal space, and his privacy. I personally would never pick up a friends phone without asking first, if I may help, or perhaps show"

My thoughts exactly. I went through the same thing with my last relationship: Red flags, vague answers, etc. I have decided to not have another. I really have no use for one anyway.

Medusax,
Thank you for your reply. I am aware that sliding a phone over to oneself does not incriminate my boyfriend for having an affair. What it said to me was, ding! ding! ding! BOUNDARIES.
I'm a boundary oriented person. I respect other peoples boundaries in a large way personally, technologically, physically, and emotionally. I felt that there was a LAX in the awareness of boundaries between the two which made me uncomfortable.
Since this incident, there have been other incidences to such a degree that they have accumulated.
What I have learned about unfaithful partners is, it's never ONE incident. It's an accumulation of incidences that become ONE collection of uncertainties, oddness, observations that do not fulfill the normal pattern of respect and faithfulness you normally see in a faithful partner. So, yes, this incident stood out.
Because of the accumulation of incidences I have confronted my boyfriend thoroughly. He suggested we go to counseling. That was a nice suggestion and we have had one session. I have enjoyed my relationship with my boyfriend in a large way. However, this issue has become a big one. It is pulling our relationship apart. Although this is upsetting for me, I understand my values, what is important to me, while questioning if he fits in with my values.
No one is perect. But a mutual platform must be found in order to maintain cohesiveness with each persons inividuality. At this time we are on different platforms.
I think that he and his female 'friend' have been having an affair. In confrtonting him, he has denied it. Most people do, early on. However, the tension is escalating. His ability to contiue denying it is becoming smaller and smaller. A brief private conversation with our therapist confirmed the same suspicions from him.
You can't force someone to be honest if they don't want to. But, myself in this situation, I can make decisions for myself that are healthy for me. I have indicated that I will be ending our relationship at our next meeting. He informed the therapist he wants to stay together and please help us. I would love to believe him. I would love to stay together. But his lack of continuity in what he says compared to what has been demonstrated soooooooo doesn't match.
We'll see how it goes. Thank you for your comment. It IS a ******* RED FLAG just as you stated.

I agree . There are lines you don't cross. It is simply amazing how they will lie and cheat, then BEG you not to leave them.

@Meusax, I finally called it quits. I packed up all of my personal belongings, my house keys, and left. We have been arguing about her since last January. He says it's my imagination, and lunacy. I say, I'm not in a position to know, but it doesn't look good.
W have been going to a therapist. My BF thinks I have deep rooted problems, as he say, I have a white elephant hanging one me, and I'm arrogant because I'm always right and it's my way or the highway.
In the meantime, we have never had a quality conversation becasue everytime it comes up he gets defensive. Defensiveness doesn't resolve anything, it sustains the problem. Thus, no resolution, I am left feeling unresolved. And he hangs on to the other female.
He says there is no sexual attraction. Once we were argueing and he said, we need her opinion. I said, no we don't. This is our relationship, it's between you and me. About 2 weeks later he told her about our personal conversations that we have about HER! Oh gawd, I feel so violated, I can't believe he did that.
He keeps saying he loves me only. But so many red flags makes me uncomfortable, suspicious, unsettled, and I had to end it with him.
We have a communication workship scheduled for next week that we can't get out of. So I'll be seeing him there. Not sure how it will go.
Let me know your thoughts.

Why are you going to a workshop if you have called it quits? Mine did the same type of thing...You KNOW he is cheating and he still tries to talk you out of what you BOTH KNOW. It isn't going to get any better from there. I have given up on all of it. Much happier. Funny thing is? One of the women he cheated on me with is now one of my closest friends. She had no idea he was involved and was really devastated when she discovered that she was a "home wrecking other woman". Anyway, I gained a good friend out of the deal....so it wasn't a total loss. Looking back, it was one of the best things about the relationship; or ending of....

Medusax, the workshop is a communication workshop that we paid for a few weeks ago. Because of that we feel obligated. The workshop was actually about two weeks ago. It was very good. Except since then we got into it again. The relationship is off again. His friendship with this other woman is ongoing and has many inappropriate dynamics to it, that I can't tolerate. It's so unfortunate because prior to these problems we had a relationship that we both enjoyed. We both want that good relationship back. I feel that we both need to make changes, and I'm the only one doing it. It's all very sad and frustrating.

If he won't give this other one up, there is nothing yo can do. What does the counselor/coordinator of this workshop say about it? I don't have experience in those things, so I have no idea how they work.

Medusax, the therapy is called IMAGO. I like the technique and feel it is a valuable form of therapy. It's focus is, if I am uncomfortable then I have personal hidden baggage that I need to work on to overcome the issue. He, in turn has his baggage he has to work on as well. I feel ok to work on my baggage. However, I'm not getting the connection to work on my baggage and accept another women in the picture because this dynamic goes against my values. So, I don't know what to think. We're still hanging in there, and nothing has changed. I'm getting bored with him, and am read to move on. Prayers for me to meet someone new, honest, and wonderful.