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Thu 7 Feb, 2019 10:29 am
2 weeks ago a male friend who I’ve been intimate once rang me about 1 in the morning in tears asking to come over it was his mother’s memory and was upset. I live with my partner so he said he was going to bed. When he came over he brought a 70cl bottle of vodka and some coke. Now I’m not an every day user of coke but might have it about 4 times a year but when I do take it me and my partner normally take quite a lot. Well he was really upset when he came over and was sobbing he calmed down and we decided to have a couple of lines and a couple of drinks. I had 3 lines and about 4 vodkas, ( the next day there was about half a bottle left) I can’t remember everything until about 4 am then I can’t remember anything apart from being half asleep on the sofa and asking him not to put his hand up my top! Well my partner came in about 7 in the morning and threw him out I went to bed and just thought he was in a huff because I had been up all night. When I got up my partner told me that we were all over each other in the sofa I had been sucking him off and we were telling each other how much we loved each other!!! I can’t even slightly recall any of this I’m just so blank. My partner threw me out and I stopped in a hotel for a couple of days, I asked the guy what had went on and he says absolutely nothing, I clearly believe my partner over him!! The only other time I have had a total memory black out is about 6 years ago with the same guy!!! I woke up in his bed and had no clue how I got there I found out a couple of weeks later off him what we had got up to which he told me we had sex and also oral which I won’t do unless I’m in a relationship it just feels too personal for me, needles to say I was mortified and broke down in tears he got a load of grief off all our friends that time because of how drink I was but never really though anything too bad about it till this episode happened. I am so confused thinking someone I know and thought of as a close friend could do this, I’ve never been unfaithful to my partner or even looked at anyone else I love him and I’m devistated by this especially I can’t remember anything about it, do you think he has spiked me ? I have never had no memory while being on coke or drink my life is ruined
@Carsam,
You'll need to make some plans for your life. These are regardless of whether you and your partner reconcile or not.
- Stop doing coke and drinking, certainly not at the same time. You have seen, more than once, what it can do to you. Don't let this happen again, where you end up pregnant or with an STD and with no memory of how you got either. It's bad enough. It could be even worse.
- Stop hanging around this guy with the coke, etc. Break off all contact. He is obviously a person you do drugs around, so if you have any thoughts of sobering up and drying out, he won't be any help in that area. And that doesn't even get into him taking advantage twice during your most vulnerable moments (I'm not letting you off the hook for this -- but you can only control your own behavior. The way you can control his is by breaking contact).
- Make sure you are financially set in your life, enough so you can have your own place. You may get back with your partner, and you may not. But it's important to hope for the best yet plan for the worst. If you cannot reconcile, then you will need to live on your own, and that costs $$. If you can't afford your own place, then you'll need to get a roommate.
- Apologize to your partner -- again. Swear up and down you will never do anything like this, ever again. But back your words up with actions, such as I've outlined above. Anyone can say anything, but if you demonstrate you are trying to change by going to AA or rehab, and by completely cutting off all contact with this other guy, then your partner is more likely to believe you.
- And mean it. Do these things, and mean it. Go all in. If you go to a rehab facility, then work hard at your treatment. If you go to AA, then go to the meetings, and participate. Be present in your own life, and be responsible for your actions, and you most likely won't get into these kinds of scrapes any more.
@Carsam,
You were assaulted. Make a police report. For sure, this is a “he said/she said” thing but guys like him don’t do something like this to just one girl. There may be others.
In the meantime, beware of crying men who come over with alcohol and cocaine at 1am.
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