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Thu 17 Jan, 2019 09:49 am
My husband went to the bar last night to watch a game. Its a bar he used to go to often. Once we got married he may go to the bar once or twice a month to say hey to his friends and is usually home in an hour or so. I do not have an issue with him going out and I know he needs his free time to do things he enjoys and to be around his old crowd.
He came home last night and told me a story about how one of his acquaintances is not paying child support and that it really upsets him. At first I thought his acquaintance was the one telling him the details of why he shouldn't have to pay because at first, my husband made it sound like he was having a conversation with a guy. Then he started to explain in more detail and it is revealed that this is coming from the woman who is seeking child support. She is a frequenter of this bar and he has known her from this bar. We had recently saw her at a wedding last month as well and we talked to her for a minute or two there. He explained how he told her to take him to court because its not ok for him to not pay. He explained that they went on to discuss how the wedding was and the things that happened after my husband and I left the (previously mentioned) wedding.
I just listened to his story and I did not make a comment on the fact that he spent quite some time chatting with her when he said he went there to watch a game. On one hand I understand its a bar and that he didn't know she was there and conversations happen when you go out in public but on the other hand it gets under my skin just a little bit I am not sure why.
Last time he went to the bar he had came home and told me how he was having a conversation with one of the other women who frequents that bar, she used to date a friend of his. I have seen her be friendly towards him when she didn't see me next to him. It wasn't touchy feely or anything like that but I could tell she was putting on charm. She eventually saw me and got embarrassed. The whole interactions between them seemed weird. The next time I saw her out she barley had two words to say to him or I it only seems like when I am not there she wants to start a conversation with him which is why it makes me uncomfortable for him to talk to these two women when I am not around.
I trust my husband but it still makes me feel a little insecure about these interactions. Any advice? Am I being too sensitive to these situations or is there some validity to my feelings. Thanks!
@CVT777,
CVT777 wrote:Am I being too sensitive to these situations
yes
you might want to consider getting some professional help to deal with your insecurity
@CVT777,
Yes, you are being oversensitive. You don't get to control you husband, he can talk to anyone he wants about anything. It is not your business.
You should work on why you feel insecure... but expecting that your husband won't have female friends isn't reasonable.
@CVT777,
Your husband telling you about the conversations is better than him not telling you. It's his way of "confessing" that he talked to other women, but at the same time he was telling you that it was perfectly innocent.
@Ponderer,
Ponderer wrote:
Your husband telling you about the conversations is better than him not telling you. It's his way of "confessing" that he talked to other women, but at the same time he was telling you that it was perfectly innocent.
I second that - you say you trust him then what is the issue.
To me he seems like a nice guy especially in the case of the first woman where he was trying to help her by suggesting she fight for child support.
He could just be an approachable sort of person - someone that has that "look" where he seems like someone who would listen. I understand that as I have had complete strangers after saying a few words fill me in on something that would seem too personal to say to a stranger. Is he like that maybe? Do you typically see him talking easily to others he doesn't know? Or know that well?
Honestly I don't think you have to worry he tells you about these encounters and from his side it is all innocent.
@ehBeth,
Also, both of you meeting with a psychiatrist or counselor might help.
Im going to offer a different perspective:
Your husband is going to a bar alone. This bar has single women there with whom he is taking up conversations, more than just casual ones.
It may or may not be “anything” but the fact it’s bothering you, either join him more at these times to mark your “ territory” and get marital authority, or get him to change bars. He should be bringing home stories about guy issues, not women’s.
My first husband was a bar person. He thought it was his god-given right to sit at the bar from 4pm to 8pm (or whenever) every nite, and all day Sat. We went to counseling, separated when he could/would not stop drinking for two weeks, and then, he hooked up with - you guessed it - one of the bar stool princesses there. His basic problem was alcohol, however
Your husband’s not doing this frequenty, but let him know you expect this to be a time for him to socialize with his former male buddies. (The ole gang) and want to hear what everyone is up to.
@PUNKEY,
This is another thread where the responses would be different if the fenders were reversed.
Any woman tell me if I wrong... if your husband told you not to talk to male friends you would tell the controlling jerk to go to hell.
You don't own your spouse, and you don't control their friendships. Somehow jealousy and controlling behavior is still acceptable for women.
@PUNKEY,
I disagree, but you could be right.
@Ponderer,
Ponderer wrote:confessing
what's to confess?
he talks to people at the bar
whoop
big
Bars are for dicks looking for Pussy he should not have to go "hang with the guys" every 2 weeks so he doesn't what? Go crazy? Look I'm a guy I've been married for 7yrs and still happy as can be and when I got married I made a decision to move on with things like football GAMES and talking to horny single woman and start a life with my best friend and wife . when I'm off work I want to come home and spend time with her and do fun stuff with her I don't need "bro time" that's gay assistance boy **** . and keep in mind most cases where somebody cheats on the other all started without the intention of cheating.
@NO-NAME,
Your wife forced you to give up watching football?
Wow!
@maxdancona,
Haha no I grew up and put my time towards other things that I felt had meaning like doing something Physically Active or art 4 one of those too but with my wife or studying to further my understanding in particular fields of Interest
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