Help! Stepson abusing son

Absolutely leave, with your son, and don’t cone back until your husband can ensure that you and your son are in a safe home. Family counseling is a must.

At 10 years old your stepson is old enough to realize when you and your husband are having a serious talk with him. Explain that this is about his future and your son's future. Tell him that in the future he will realize how he treated your son and he will wish he hadn't done the things he did. It is a fine balance between making him realize that he can't continue to hurt your son and loading him with guilt. The idea is for him to grow up excusing himself because he was just a child. Also tell him that your son can forgive him because he too will understand that your stepson was just a child.
Be serious enough that he will not want to go through another talk like that. Tell him that adults go to prison for hurting children. And tell him what a prison is. Tell him he can't be the kind of person who hurts people because he is getting older and he will be old enough to be locked away. Remember that the idea is to make him change his behavior, not to make him feel like "I'm no good ."
I agree that counseling is needed to find out the reasons for his behavior.

Not sure I can agree, this time. Is there any point in appealing to the conscience of what sounds like a budding sociopath?

Sure.

Like Deputy Barney Fife said, "You've got to nip it! Nip it in the bud!"

Of course, Barney Fife was only allowed to carry on bullet. Still, even a clock that's stopped is right twice a day.

Really, maybe all he needs to learn is that they care about him. He has a confused little life. It sounds like a case of misplaced aggression. He can't take it out on his dad because his mom isn't there. He can't take it out on her because she is taking his mom's place.

But, I continue to disagree.

A 10 year old kid is not going to be worried that at vague some time in the future he will look back and regret what he did. Kids don't think that way, and they don't think that far ahead.

And why would she tell him that her son will forgive him because he's just a child? Her son is a 5 year old boy with autism, the stepson is twice his age and sounds like a nasty little bully. I certainly wouldn't be telling him that what he was doing was forgivable.

And as for threatening him with going to prison - that's just ridiculous.

According to the OP, this has been going on for 2 years now and has elevated into him using objects to harm.

There seems to be some disagreement and "contra" "versy" about what I wrote to you. What do you think?

You think it's ridiculous to tell a child that if he grows up hurting people he will go to prison?

This is not about you or me or Roger or Cherrie or Punkey. It is about those kids. You used the "H!" word and I told you what I think is best for the kids.

Ponder - I agree with you to a certain point. It is important that this stepson learn the appropriate way to behave and that it is just plain wrong to physically hurt another person not to say someone that is in a position not to be able to defend himself.

However, this other boy is in danger. The physical and as a result mental abuse is not helping someone who is already at a disadvantage. The first priority is to the safety of the abused child. He should be removed from the danger and the stepson should be punished, spoken with and perhaps even counseled professionally to stop being an abuser.

I would not want this other child to be near this other boy until you feel very confident he will not harm him physically or emotionally.

As I said before kids don't think that far into the future. Do you really believe that the next time he goes to hurt the little boy he's going to suddenly stop and think 'I shouldn't do this because sometime in the far distant future I may or may not end up in prison'. No, he wont. There has to be consequences to his actions but they have to be immediate and effective, not some vague threat of something that might or might not happen years down the track.

The idea was for him to suddenly stop and think while they were talking to him. I wanted him to understand that they were saying "You are growing up. Grow up. "

Believe me, I know who needed "Help !". It is my intention to help him by giving the other boy something to think about. If they put a " Don't forget this." tone in the talk with him, he will remember it. And the more he thinks about it, the more he will realize that the talk was for his own good.
I agree that the boys should be separated, but then there is the whole thing about kids blaming theselves for breaking up families.