3
   

Help! Stepson abusing son

 
 
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2019 08:50 pm
My 10 year old stepson continues to abuse my 5 year autistic son by punching kicking and harming him since he was 3. Today my stepson threw a rock at my son’s head and lied and said he didn’t but I could see he was struck on the side of the head due to my son’s head and ear being red and swollen. My husband took him to be evaluated tonight but I’m fed up. Should I leave? I feel like I need to leave my home and move so my kids can be in an safe environment.
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2019 08:59 pm
@Lightnsweet,
Absolutely leave, with your son, and don’t cone back until your husband can ensure that you and your son are in a safe home. Family counseling is a must.
0 Replies
 
Ponderer
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2019 10:44 pm
@Lightnsweet,
At 10 years old your stepson is old enough to realize when you and your husband are having a serious talk with him. Explain that this is about his future and your son's future. Tell him that in the future he will realize how he treated your son and he will wish he hadn't done the things he did. It is a fine balance between making him realize that he can't continue to hurt your son and loading him with guilt. The idea is for him to grow up excusing himself because he was just a child. Also tell him that your son can forgive him because he too will understand that your stepson was just a child.
Be serious enough that he will not want to go through another talk like that. Tell him that adults go to prison for hurting children. And tell him what a prison is. Tell him he can't be the kind of person who hurts people because he is getting older and he will be old enough to be locked away. Remember that the idea is to make him change his behavior, not to make him feel like "I'm no good ."
I agree that counseling is needed to find out the reasons for his behavior.
roger
 
  3  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2019 10:48 pm
@Ponderer,
Not sure I can agree, this time. Is there any point in appealing to the conscience of what sounds like a budding sociopath?
Ponderer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2019 10:55 pm
@roger,
Sure.
0 Replies
 
Ponderer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2019 11:33 pm
@roger,
Like Deputy Barney Fife said, "You've got to nip it! Nip it in the bud!"
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jan, 2019 11:59 pm
@Ponderer,
Of course, Barney Fife was only allowed to carry on bullet. Still, even a clock that's stopped is right twice a day.
0 Replies
 
Ponderer
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 12:29 am
@roger,
Really, maybe all he needs to learn is that they care about him. He has a confused little life. It sounds like a case of misplaced aggression. He can't take it out on his dad because his mom isn't there. He can't take it out on her because she is taking his mom's place.
roger
 
  2  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 01:34 am
@Ponderer,
Smile But, I continue to disagree.
0 Replies
 
cherrie
 
  3  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 03:04 am
@Ponderer,
A 10 year old kid is not going to be worried that at vague some time in the future he will look back and regret what he did. Kids don't think that way, and they don't think that far ahead.

And why would she tell him that her son will forgive him because he's just a child? Her son is a 5 year old boy with autism, the stepson is twice his age and sounds like a nasty little bully. I certainly wouldn't be telling him that what he was doing was forgivable.

And as for threatening him with going to prison - that's just ridiculous.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 07:19 am
According to the OP, this has been going on for 2 years now and has elevated into him using objects to harm.

0 Replies
 
Ponderer
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 07:28 am
@Lightnsweet,
There seems to be some disagreement and "contra" "versy" about what I wrote to you. What do you think?
0 Replies
 
Ponderer
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 07:34 am
@cherrie,
You think it's ridiculous to tell a child that if he grows up hurting people he will go to prison?
Ponderer
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 08:10 am
@Lightnsweet,
This is not about you or me or Roger or Cherrie or Punkey. It is about those kids. You used the "H!" word and I told you what I think is best for the kids.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  3  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 04:57 pm
Ponder - I agree with you to a certain point. It is important that this stepson learn the appropriate way to behave and that it is just plain wrong to physically hurt another person not to say someone that is in a position not to be able to defend himself.

However, this other boy is in danger. The physical and as a result mental abuse is not helping someone who is already at a disadvantage. The first priority is to the safety of the abused child. He should be removed from the danger and the stepson should be punished, spoken with and perhaps even counseled professionally to stop being an abuser.

I would not want this other child to be near this other boy until you feel very confident he will not harm him physically or emotionally.
0 Replies
 
cherrie
 
  3  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2019 05:27 pm
@Ponderer,
As I said before kids don't think that far into the future. Do you really believe that the next time he goes to hurt the little boy he's going to suddenly stop and think 'I shouldn't do this because sometime in the far distant future I may or may not end up in prison'. No, he wont. There has to be consequences to his actions but they have to be immediate and effective, not some vague threat of something that might or might not happen years down the track.
Ponderer
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 06:39 am
@cherrie,
The idea was for him to suddenly stop and think while they were talking to him. I wanted him to understand that they were saying "You are growing up. Grow up. "
0 Replies
 
Ponderer
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jan, 2019 08:15 am
Believe me, I know who needed "Help !". It is my intention to help him by giving the other boy something to think about. If they put a " Don't forget this." tone in the talk with him, he will remember it. And the more he thinks about it, the more he will realize that the talk was for his own good.
I agree that the boys should be separated, but then there is the whole thing about kids blaming theselves for breaking up families.
0 Replies
 
 

 
  1. Forums
  2. » Help! Stepson abusing son
Copyright © 2019 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.09 seconds on 03/26/2019 at 10:34:07