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Fri 4 Jan, 2019 09:34 am
I have a female friend for long time. We use to sleep together long time ago and we did not get into relationship back then, because I wasn't ready for it. A few years after that we connected and became friends with her and her boyfriend. I live far away from them, but when I visit, we always go out together and have fun. The last two times I was in my home city where she lives, we had some intimate moments. We didn't actually have sex, but everything else. I guess she felt guilty having sex (because of cheating on her boyfriend), but she didn't mind all other stuff leading to sex. We even finished, but without actual sex. I few days ago I went back home and invited her to my place. She didn't come, but we still went out for coffee and also to drink a few times with her boyfriend and other friends. So we are close friends, but I'm getting in love with her. I think about her all the time and we chat often when I'm away from home. She perfectly knows that I have feelings for her and I know she does have feelings for me, but seems she wants to be with her boyfriend. I don't know if I should tell her that I actually love her, because I'm afraid that our friendship will be ruined. Also, I really believe if she breaks up with him in future, she might come to me, but they are together for 7 years now (They are not engaged and they have no kids). Another last thing is that it seems to me that she would not move away from our home city to live with me abroad and I have already chosen to live elsewhere. I don't know how to deal with this, because before these intimate moments I had no problem that she is with someone else, and now I do. I can't take anymore looking at them in front of me knowing I can't be with her. How should I approach this? Plese help me
@JohnSmith7777777,
Start talking to women in your new city and cut ties with this other one. You are using your memory of her to avoid meeting new women. Cut that out.
@jespah,
Hi Jespah, Thank you for your answer and time. The thing is that we are very good friends, I can't just cut her out of my life. If I decide to cut her off, atleast I have to let her know that I'm really in love with her and I need some distance, but this will ruin our friendship. I can't just stop talking to her, because this will hurt her and I don't want to do that. So do you believe I should just talk to her next time I'm at my home and tell her "I love you and since I see you love your boyfriend, I will need to distance myself from you?"
Seven years is a long time for no movement on a relationship, either to get married or at least engaged. Has she told you the reason?
People who love each other move mountains to be together. You need to hear it directly from her if she would ever move from her hometown, especially if love or opportunity came up. If you are absolutely firm in your choice of place to live then decide this isn’t meant to be and move on, reducing your communication with her over time.
So - you can take a chance and tell her you have more than friendship feelings for her and see what happens. Or you can continue being in this love “ limbo” for many years, missing opportunities with other women.
The main thing is that this can’t go on forever with you feelings the way you do. And the friendship will change and decrease over time as marriage and children come into her life.
@PUNKEY,
Hello Punkey,
Thank you for your answer and for trying to help.
No, she has not told me the reason why they are not engaged or married and why they have no children. I might try to ask her before I tell her about my feelings, which seems I will have to do.
Oh, it will me a nighmare talk.... and it will be in 3 months or so. My head will explode until then....
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