Guy and girl difficult situation advice

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So....not really spoken to anyone about my current situation so hoping to get some advice on here. Now before I say anything I am open to any opinion/advice (bad/good) Both people involved, myself and a guy, grew feelings for each other, broke up with our partners and said we would be together in the end. Me I'm sort of there but he isn't, and don't know if he ever will but we speak ever day and he makes the effort to call me and spend time with me when he can. He does all the things that makes me think he has feelings for me and likes me but doesn't tell me anything solid for me to know! The thing is we know each other well enough bow that I don't know what is stopping us (him) from being in a relationship with me. Is it because he still needs time to mourn his relationship before he gets involved with someone else. Hoping that someone is me.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 595 • Replies: 13

@Susanr1988,

Any advice will be appreciated, please do make a comment. Thanks Susan

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@Susanr1988,

Next time, don't end a relationship just to jump into another one right away. And don't hinge your relationships just on the other person. You get a say in the matter.

If you know each other so well, then sit down and talk. Ask:is this going anywhere?

A yes or a no gives you obvious actions to take. An "I don't know, maybe. " or a "Give me a while to figure this out. " should evoke a different response. As in, "Okay, I'm off to live my life and if it happens, it happens. See ya!"

Don't wait around.

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@jespah,

Thank you for the reply, questions have been asked and answers like: let's see and I'm not ready have been said, I'm just giving him the benefit of the doubt on That because he may not be ready, I do.have feelings for him so it's hard to leave but I'm also hurting sticking around.....don't know if it's just the timing is off?

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@Susanr1988,

Don't stick around. You're making it easy for him to hem and haw, and that hurts no one but you.

Live your life. A happy, fulfilled, rich life with other people in it, including other men. Life is too short, and you're not Penelope in the Odyssey. Don't hang around.

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Not sure what you want.

From your post he is doing all those things normally in a relationship - but - you want more.

Can you be more specific?

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@PUNKEY,

I want to be with him. He does all the things that couples do in a relationship. Calls me when he can, texts me all the time everyday but doesn't want to be in a relationship. I want to know where it's going but don't wanna rock the boat because it may be too soon after all that happened. I don't want to hurt but don't know what to do.

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communication is key to any meaningful relationship. suggest that you ask him. then you will get reading on sticking or fleeing from him. do you trust his honesty?

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@bunnyhabit ,

I believe your right, I do trust him completly and know he wouldn't hurt me. I think because I'm not ready to move on from him yet or start dating other people because we have and had such a strong connection I'm finding it hard to ask those questions (scared of the answer)

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@Susanr1988,

you were both in relationships, became interested in each other, broke up with your partners and are in a quasi relationship now

time to clarify - by talking very directly and openly - if you are both in an exclusive, committed relationship

it seems from what you've posted that you are - and he is not (at least not in a committed relationship)

talk it through really really openly

consider suggesting you go to couples' counselling together

___

you got into this relationship while you were still in another relationship. that's pretty much going to lead to messiness, one way or another

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@Susanr1988,

Susanr1988 wrote:

Is it because he still needs time to mourn his relationship before he gets involved with someone else.

that's a pretty likely thing

maybe it's time for you to do a lot more without him - and without chatting every day. get some space for both of you

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@ehBeth,

Thank you for both comments, I concur with all that and maybe your right, don't make contact so much and see if he cares or not. As were not actually in a relationship (hasn't been clarified) we act like we are and it's not fair me / him that he's for better terms stringing me along. Couple councilling would be a great idea if we were a couple. I just feel I'm head over heels for this guy and he's not there. So maybe me not showing as much interest as I do now may be a good thing to see if he wants to be with me.

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@Susanr1988,

I see woman on my facebook who are in a relationship declaring their undying love and are in that relationship for years. Then before you know it they split up and they move dtraight into another relationship saying the same old things to the next partner. To me if I was the new partner and seeing all those messages to the ex and the they are saying it to me that I would just take my time because if you have gone straight from one relationship to another so quickly o wouldn't want to jump straight in just in case you did the same thing to me. I hope this makes sense but yes the key is to not rush it.

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@Sarlav,

Thank you for that. That actually makes sense and will do that, not gonna show too much now that I care as much even though that's going to be difficult and just wait and see if he makes any moves. I think jumping into a new relationship so quickly will ruin anything we could have in the future. But I'm not waiting around for him. I'm going to date other people. Thank you

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