Best ways to get rid of telemarketers

kicky,

In college, my roommate actually agreed to let a salesman come over for a presentation for a Kraftmatic bed. He got an actress friend to play his wife and while the poor salesman was there they had a huge fight about their "marriage" and how it was going to end in divorce. They wouldn't let him leave and demanded he take sides in the argument.

i keep saying:"i'm a foreigner, just visiting. can't make any decisions." works for everything in life, not just telemarketers.

I say no thanks and hang up.....

I got woken up in college by a telemarketer. The idiot just started yapping, so when there was a split second pause I just yelled "I LIKE ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM GOOD!" They hung up.

The thing with the mattress is funny, but a little overboard...going out of your way to waste someone's time.

I only have a cell, so I don't get telemarketer calls anymore.

kicky, that made me laugh out loud.

My children are remarkably cooperative when telemarketers call. They immediately start screaming and crying about something, so I hold the receiver right up to their little wailing mouths. Just when the telemarketer starts to feel guilty and utters the beginnings of an apology, I start yelling nasty things at them and making smacking sounds like I'm beating them. Click. It works great.

I have hand trained Erenie (main dog) to bark and really growl loudly when I make my hand and thumb slap togethere in the old "yap yap yap" hand gesture. Any telemarketer calls, Ernie is immediately put on a high bark and growl output. He has a ball and knows that when this yahoo is sufficiently impressed and hangs up, he(Ernie) gets a cookie.
Works great.

"Hey, ya know, Mr (or Ms) Telemarketer, that sounds real good. But I've gotta get downtown and surrender right away, or they're gonna issue a warrant and revoke my bail. Tell ya what - gimme your number, and I'll get back to ya soon as I make parole; shouldn't be more than a couple years, five at the outside, unless the other charges stick."

My favourite:
Me: I'm sorry but i'm really busy right now and i can't really talk... but i could 'phone you back later. Say tennish?
Telemarketer: Well actually i finish work at 5...
Me: O that's ok just give me your home number
Telemarketer: I don't really feel comfortable giving out my home number?
Me: (incredulous) Oh reeeeeeeeeally?!?!?! And why's that?! Is it because you like to have your evenings undisturbed? Because you don't want to talk to strange people you don't know, trying to sell you things you don't want?? HMMMMMM?!?!?!?

I put the phone down quitely on the table and walk away. I come back a few minutes later and hang it up.

I just say not interested take me off your call list and hang up. Not a very good story, but it works.
I have answered the door to evangelists with tracts naked and invited them in though, when I was younger.

I used to just hang up. That was after I said things like "get off my phone". Eventually I caught on that they would call back.

At work, we have two extremely small businesses with phones a few feet away from each other. The same damned recorded foofuraw arrived at both of them minutes apart. We tried to track one down via the slimo phone number and actually got the human to put us on a list. This desisted for a few weeks, and then one day, ding a ling a ling.

For whatever reason, that particular scourge has disappeared. Good, since I hate running from two rooms away for the gallery phone, which hardly ever rings on regular business, or when it does, does it in obvious patterns. Worse when I am up on a ladder balancing this and that.

Now, lo these many years of aggravation, I just say, calmly, please take our business (or my number) off of your call list.
And they generally do. I do not engage in conversation, that's it.

one time i said, "gimme your #, i'll call you right back."
they politely thanked me for my time and hung up...

It's Spring! We are getting calls by what seems to be the hundreds re: can we come analyze your yard, put chemicals on your grass, take care of your lawn needs, etc.

One company called the home phone, and then the teen line every night for three or four in a row. Finally, I saw the name again on the caller ID, picked up the phone and in my best crying hysterically voice said "Oh My Gosh! Stop calling me like this! You're driving me frickin' CRAZY!!! Have you no mercy?" Then I hung up. They did not call back.

Ah, but this reminds me. Maybe I can get a plug in here against AG Edwards. Some promotional person calls every few months and I think, oh, they want to show one of our artists in their so called gallery. No, they want to know about our business investments. Anyone who has paid any attention to my gallery running whines knows we don't have investment money. We have clawed to pay the lease, though we are regarded as the best gallery north of san francisco - not to brag, that's what we keep hearing (and we are or we aren't, depends on the month), and we are closing shortly for the usual reasons. So, to our ears - and we have been touch and go for five years, having some plumarella ask about our investment needs only brings on my most sardonic self.

Hard to get her off the phone, she's hanging on like some kind of netting, and I don't want to be Actually Rude as I am in business for the nonce.

Last call was very insistent that we come over to their art opening. Jeez. We two have an average of 300 people come to our place, sometimes upwards of that, and we can't leave.
We can't even pee.

No, we must come to the opening!! Twinkle!!

Ok, I broke down and slammed down the phone when she wouldn't just stop with it.

I wish I could cut through salesshit to have a simple conversation, but there is this programmatic training they all have. Er, Slappy, if you're reading, you don't seem to be completely programmed, although I suppose you don't let your guard down.


edit to take the word 'dimwit' away from the front of promotional person

There are times when Ernie is otherwise not available , I merely remind the caller that we are on the do not call list and this seems to work. The only people we seem to get are those hundreds damn law enforcement charities (the validity of which have me dubious), they seem to have squoze through the do not call regs (along with politicians).
On those that get through, we usually assess that theyre dreck in about 3 seconds, then we just lay the handpiece down and walk away.

Poor telemarketers! What a job! Honestly, you'd only do it if you were desperate for work. I wonder what the stress rate is in that line of work?

I have a friend who does that. She says she expects to be hung up on and does crossword puzzles all day.

FreeDuck

I have some sympathy for them, poor sods. I just tell them that I'm not interested in buying anything, very very politely. That's usually enough.

I don't even hang up any more.

I just put the receiver down somewhere and wander off to continue doing whatever I was doing.

They'll hang up on their own, eventually. In the meantime, since I didn't hang up - I've tied up one of their lines