Is this jealousy?

My fiancé is kind and loving, and typically very secure. But there have been some moments of jealousy from him (I guess it's jealousy?) and it concerns me. I am a tactile person, and my communication style for my whole life (I'm older) is that I will often pat a hand or rub a shoulder when I'm taking to someone. It doesn't matter if that person is male or female, young or old. It's just the way I communicate and always have. Every so often, he will take exception to this and ask me "what's going on?" or "what's that about?" and I am genuinely clueless. I simply don't remember what I did, any more than I could recall at what point in the conversation I might have smiled, or frowned, or engaged in any other forms of facial expression or body language.

When I ask him to explain, he'll tell me that I touched (the waiter, or my finance's friend, or the husband of the couple we were with at diner....whatever) and ask "what's going on?" I don't have an answer. There is NOTHING "going on." I've told him to just WATCH me, when I talk to others, male and female. It's just what I do. I don't discriminate between genders, or exclude some people from the tactile way I communicate while including others...well, unless I actively dislike the person, but if that's the case I hardly communicate with them anyway.

We've had the same discussion half a dozen times now. He confronts me, I am clueless, he tells me what I did, I don't remember doing it, I remind him that this is simply the way I communicate, and if he watches me talking to others he will recognize that this is just what I do when I talk. There is zero significance to my actions. It's happened enough times now, and I've explained myself enough times now, that I feel like he just doesn't believe me or actually accept my explanation even though in the moments of our discussions he says he does. But then it comes up again, and again, and every time it does it negates all the previous discussion, and makes me feel like he must think I'm lying or something.

My long time marriage was to an abusive, controlling and domineering man. After I finally escaped that relationship, I worked hard with counseling, support and self-education to overcome my mental and emotional damage as a result of that very controlling relationship. I won't willingly subject myself to abusive control again. I recognize that this reaction from my fiancé is triggering because it feels very much like he's trying to get me to change a basic part of me (the way I communicate) in order to make himself feel more comfortable.

I feel that he's overreacting as a result of insecurities. I feel victimized. At the same time, I don't want to cause him upset or worry, but I also have a fierce need to never again be in the situation of watching everything I say, everything I do, to walk on eggshells in order to not upset my significant other (or anyone else for that matter.) I don't want feel like I'm being controlled again, I don't want to feel like *I* have to change a basic part of myself, to make someone else feel better. I'm struggling.

Any advice?