HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT DEATH?

I still look at it as no matter what you have and who you love, we all die alone.

Which is what scares me the most.

The effects of death on the living are significant but death in and of itself is the one thing we must all experience alone.

Oh yeah. As I think that many people on A2K know, I had a supposedly "terminal" illness fifteen years ago. At one point I went through a procedure where the statistics were not so great. But I figured, if I just sat idly by, my chances for living were not wonderful.

It took me a long time to grapple with my own mortality. There were tears, harangues, and days of uncontrollable depression. This was also a time of growth, of learning to appreciate the little things in life. I started to notice things that I had taken for granted before................the shape of a cloud, a bird looking for his dinner, the sound of kids laughing.

As I became comfortable with the idea that I might not be around for too much longer, I made preparations. I read "Final Exit", chose the way to commit suicide that suited me the best. I made preparations for that eventuality, if it ever came. I found that even doing that, afforded me a modicum of control over my life, which was very satisfying.

One thing that I did learn. No matter how strong your connections, bottom line, you die alone. So I learned how to give up everything that I had known in life.

I think that is why the thought of death no longer frightens me. I am sure that when the time comes, I will go through a similar process, but with a greater understanding, and far less emotional trauma.

<TAKES "ELLPUS" HAT OFF FOR A MINUTE.>

I dont know what you had Pheonix, but I can probably guess, and can almost understand what you must have gone through.
Mine was different, but just as life changing.
I wont bore you with ALL the details, but five medium/major ops, a total of about 2 years recovery, and they have finally sorted me out (so they say).
Like you, I no longer fear death, and now try to look on the positive side of life at all times. I also concentrate on trying to have at least one good belly laugh per day....it's the best medicine.
In actual fact, it was looking for something to laugh at that made me look at this site. One of Gustav's stories actually. He is a mad bastard.
My last op was a biggie, and things went a bit wrong during the surgery. I was "under" for six hours in the end, but I knew nothing about that (fortunately) until afterwards.
The thing I DO remember about the whole thing, was looking out of the ward window just before they came to fetch me, and for the first time in my life, really appreciating the world outside.
I dont take things seriously anymore, unless it is a REALLY serious matter.
One other little thing that I cannot tolerate now, is wasting time.
I wont queue, I wont wait on a phone and I certainly dont put up with crap.
Life is now for living. Have a great one, people.

<PUTS HAT BACK ON>
Toodle pip.

Lord Ellpus- Isn't it amazing, when you have gone through life changing experiences, that your priorities change drastically?

I appreciate(d) your thoughts. Two items which caught my attention were:

...YOU DIE ALONE. I'm trying to get a handle on the alone business. I spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts. When my wife visits our adult children, I enjoy being by myself. But being alone at my death...???

...YOUR PRIORITIES CHANGE. When I retired, I became more aware of the controlling forces in my working environment. We work to make money to meet our obligations. Our day is scheduled around work. Now, I don't have to work. What is life after work??? What is important? Death, the total release from the physical world...concern for my family members...family, love, spirit...

right now

mine or someone elses?

I have given myself up for dead on a couple of occasions; once, when a high wind nearly blew the car I was riding in against a mountain side, doing 110 MPH, I told myself, "I'm dead," and sat there waiting for it to happen; another time I misjudged a grab iron on a boxcar and was sent tumbling along the track beside the train, at one point rolling straight at the wheels before veering off to the side. One views life differently for sure, after that. Also, when I first had my cancer problems, I visualized myself dying a horrible death. Can't say my values changed a bit, because I have always been honest with myself, but appreciation for life increased and made me embrace this, the only life I ever expect to have, with new ardor.

Hey there, Mapleleaf.
It is wonderful you survived the physical problems you have recently encountered. I have thought of you, and prayed for you.
I am a believer in prayer to God in the Name of Jesus Christ. Also, I am thrilled to BE a believer.
(but i am not a preacher -
)

I think of death sometimes. Then I quit thinking, and decide to leave it to God. I realize that worrying about it is like rocking in a chair. It gives me something to do, but doesn't take me anywhere.

I hope sincerely you will have a good long life, and your health will improve.

<TAKES HAT OFF AGAIN>

Pheonix, I totaly agree. I would say that 90% of the things that caused me stress or anger, are now simply an irrelevance. Quite laughable really, when I look back.
I think that the obvious change has been my focus of attention onto the REALLY important things. Family life, health, friends and fun.
I have also been able to analyze what it was that caused me the most stress, and have eliminated most of it.
You know what the main one was?........The dreaded word procrastination. Whatever it is that needs doing now, gets done as quickly as possible. All of my bills, queries, jobs, chores and duties are now fresh ones, without a screaming deadline working into my brain at night, keeping me awake. It still takes exactly the same amount of time to execute the task, but I dont have to store it into the brains "worry bank" for a week/month or whatever. Bloody marvellous, I should have done it years ago.

To keep it real, I dont think that everyone should live each day as if it was their last, as this would probably make them an exhausted alcoholic.

What I DO now is to make a conscious effort to observe the "good" things around me a lot more, and realise just how many of these good things were happening as the "old" me rushed past, on my way to meet another meaningless deadline.
I think I am slowly turning into a Hippie !
Peace man
Ellpus.
<REPLACES HAT WITH FLOWER IN ONES HAIR>

Have I thought about death?

Yes, I have.

It makes life seem very short indeed. And makes me wonder about all the mundane day-to-day struggles of getting by. How much importance we give things that, in the long run, are pretty irrelevant, really.

Well I'm glad your all still here, whewwww.

Your stories show that a person can never tell what another has been through, nods to all.

Oh death? I wouldn't be offended if it was quick and painless.

"I don't mind dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
Woody Allen.

Lord Ellgus, your so cute.

Paulaj

Who....MOI ?

<blushes endearingly, whilst puffing up one's chest>

Are you into Kitchenware by any chance? That would just about make my day.

Ellpus.

Remember I told you (about a week ago) I was in the middle of burning dinner? I wasn't exaggerating!

The kitchen is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. :-)

I was going to post the same thing, adding fragile to description of life.

Well, I can surely echo many of the sentiments of others in this thread.

Back in 1995, I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, located in the exit of my stomach. I was 44 at the time and extremely lucky it was caught in the early stages.

Without going into a lot of detail, I'll just relate to you a short overview.

In 1994, I was having a lot of trouble with stomach acid - acid reflux, etc. At one point, I had been losing a lot of blood and had to be rushed to hospital to receive 6 units of blood. I was in a bad way.

Later, over a period of time and many, many tests, the probable cause was that my stomach acid had burned off the lining of my stomach in many places, and hence, the big bleed.

Well, after doing a "scope" of my stomach to find the above cause, the very alert specialist found something untoward in the duodenum. He took biopsies and they were confirmed by 3 different labs that I had NHL. So, the only reason that I am able to be here today with you, sharing this message board, is due to a fluke of looking at one problem, and being able to early diagnose another. With NHL, once you have any symptoms, you're as good as dead already. I didn't have any attributable to that cancer.

Since my treatment, I have been (knock on wood) free of any cancer. Hopefully, that will be the end of it, but I don't believe in cancer cures. Sorry. I've heard too many stories of patients who after 10-15-20 years have further problems. I don't worry about it. I consider myself a "cancer survivor" instead.

Our son-in-law just called. Aunt J. died today. It's a strange feeling when a relative calls and says, "Aunt J is dead".

Aunt J was born with a condition which was suppose to limit her life to her teenage years. Didn't work out that way.
Although her family were uptight folks, she was always carefree and happy. (There must be a lesson there.) The doctors told her to not have children; of course, she did. Alright, she had one. The doctors said she was lucky. She definitely should not have another. You guessed it; she did.

Before her last operation, she told my daughter that she was content. She had enjoyed her life. If the surgery was successful, she would be thrilled. If not, so be it.
Her oldest son is in his mid-30s.

Listening and perhaps we should open another thread for this.
I say this having had breast cancer.

But what we are dealing with now is that Husker hasn't posted. For sure they took his lap top from his lap.

And they took him late, from my point of view. But excluding my point on that, we don't know what happened next and his fever was rising.

We are all very worried. Some of us are praying and those of us who don't pray are dearly hoping Husker stays, or goes well.

Thinking of Husker.

He's had such rough going lately.

Hope someone (maybe his son, who was so kind to let us know of some past events) will pop in and give an update, if Husk doesn't feel like it.