[Want opinions]Self-introduction for University in Korea

Hello, I'm applying for one elite university in South Korea, I'm not a English native speaker and I would like to have opinions about my essay. do I hit my target and answer the way it is expected? Each part is limited to 2150 characters.
Looking forward to reading from you guys


Self-introduction (Please state and explain your abilities and philosophy of life.)

From elementary to high school, I never was an exemplary student. Although I learnt easily, I was often known to my teachers as restless and dreamy rather than as a rigorous and disciplined. School has always seemed like a prison limiting my ability to interact with the world outside, while I wanted to participate in writing its history. (I think I get what you mean here, but you might not want to tell a school that you don't like school)This dream was realized for me by joining the army and thus being in the very heart of action. So after finishing middle school it seemed to me(it's understood that this is about you) more interesting to enrich my experience with practical knowledge of the profession of electrician in apprenticeship and to connect with the world of work.
When I joined the army at 18, rather than go with the flow, I kept on (it's not a big deal to leave this word in here, but since you need all the characters you can get, toss it)pursuing my objective and the next step needed me to be among the bests since my desire was to join the most elite unit of my brigade: the Mountain Commando Group (is this a name? If so, then spot on. If not, then it shouldn't be capitalized) which was offering the most technical and interesting missions on the field as well as a greater autonomy. At the first opportunity (here's a place to put some of the characters you might be able to save; it's a better word choice), I asked my superiors’ consent to present myself to the selection tests. These particularly difficult tests are a milestone that marks my training in the army. Indeed, since I was the youngest and the (more space saving) least experienced applicant, few of my peers expected to see me succeed. Nevertheless, strengthened with a determination that I had had so far little opportunity to make use of, I overcame this week of physical and intellectually demanding tests. This experience increased my self-confidence, allowing me to realize fully my potential and how determination combined with preparation can overcome any obstacle.
Today, resuming my studies today (redundant) represents the same challenge for me. My atypical path does not position me as a model student, maybe justifying some hesitations from universities. Nevertheless, I consider this as a strength, throughout my life. I did not stay on predefined tracks and I took winding paths to reach my goals. My experience in Mountain Infantry (don't capitalize these words unless they are a title) and in general made of me a focused, resilient and self-disciplined person, qualities which, today, guide me in the accomplishment of my personal objectives.


Educational Background (Please summarize your academic achievements.)

My need for freedom (the words are slightly different) led me to leave classic education at the age of 15, to begin the vocational training of electricity engineering in apprenticeshipa vocational apprenticeship in electric engineering. I already wished to join the military and even though becoming an electrician was not my final goal, I got good grades and I graduated my vocational training with an overall score of 15.39/20, equivalent to a B grade.(wouldn't they already know how the grading system works?)
At 18, I joined the military andI completed my initial training with a score of 16.89/20 equivalent to an A grade (again, if they don't know the grading equivalence, then you need this. But if they know it, you won't need this. Just say 16.89/20). After 2 years of experience in army, the consideration of my superiors allowed me to present let me take the Mountain Commando Group selection tests which I passed successfully. Then I was required to follow the commando qualification course where I distinguished myself as being the youngest trainee and by eventually ranking 3rd out of 37 in my commando promotion.
When I resumed my study in October 2017, a few months before leaving the military in December 2017, I had no other choice but to begin with distance learning. Despite of being overwhelmed by the challenge after six years of interruption in my study, I revealed myself as being was very comfortable at self-learning and eventually I graduated my DAEU with an A in each class.

Language Proficiency (Please detail the levels attained in each additional language.)

If during Middle School years During middle school, I was able to learn learned different languages including German, Latin and Ancient Greek. I stopped practicing those language when I was 15 years old and now a little is remaining in my memory remember little (I'm not so sure you should be mentioning this at all. They are looking for proficiency; if you only remember 20 words of Greek, then that's really no more than if you memorized a few lines in a book; it doesn't reflect your education). As well, since a A year ago, I started learning Spanish on my own to expand my range of communication, however,but I didn’t take an official test to prove my fluency. I can now only demonstrate mMy English proficiency is at a CEFR C1 level, confirmed with the IELTS (7.5) test, taken in May 2018 while traveling in South Korea. I also have an A grade in English as a foreign language on my High School transcript and examination. This allows me to evolve and learn comfortably in an English-speaking environment.