Having ED problems at 19 years old

Thu 20 Sep, 2018 02:25 pm
Hi everyone,
I recently got into my first sexual relationship with my girlfriend and it started out great. We had sex about 6-7 times within the first few days until one day I went to go in and my boner disappeared and wouldn’t come back. I had noticed before that when putting on a condom my erection would begin to fade however once I was ready to go in it would pop back up. Ever since that last time I have had extreme trouble getting it up. When sexual situations arise I get very nervous and quickly lose my arrousal because I’m so anxious about getting an erection. We haven’t been able to have sex since that last time (a few days ago) because I just can’t calm my nerves and I stay flaccid no matter what I try. This whole situation has me anxious all day every day because I feel like there’s something wrong with me. In the moment I start to think why isn’t it working am I gay or something. I’m 19 years old I don’t feel like this should be a problem. I’ve done the research and have read all about performance anxiety which I believe it what I am suffering from however I just can’t find a way to beat it. Anytime I think I should be hard and I’m not I get super worried and just keep getting more and more worried to the point where I don’t even want to try anymore because I know it’s no use. As a last resort I ordered some (generic) viagra today and will be trying it out when it comes however this isn’t something I want to rely on. Does anyone know what I can do? This problem is now effecting me in and out of the bedroom because it’s the biggest thing on my mind all day.
Thu 20 Sep, 2018 03:43 pm
So - you DO have an erection, but you lose it during the activity.' So it's not a physical problem.

You have GOT to relax about this.

You are working yourself up into a state of anxiety - which is affecting your erection.

If you feel that you lose it when putting on the condom (which can interrupt all the activity and kill the moment) then put it on and then start all over with foreplay and let yourself get worked up again.

(Good idea about wearing the condom. Just work that into your sex play. Some girls like to help put it on their partner themselves, which can be very exciting)

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Thu 20 Sep, 2018 04:44 pm
And don't order prescription-level drugs in the mail unless it's because you have an actual prescription. At best, you'll be ripped off. At worst, you'll ingest something you're fatally allergic to, and you wouldn't know WTF it was.
Thu 20 Sep, 2018 04:56 pm
Sorry, I can only 'like' that post once.
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Thu 20 Sep, 2018 05:08 pm
How supportive is your partner? If you feel pressure to "perform", it makes things much worse. Is this pressure coming from your partner, or from yourself?

1) If you have a supportive partner, then talk to her to take the stress off. You should learn to give good oral sex... in a good, giving relationship there are lots of things to do other than vaginal intercourse. Talk about it. Work through it. Enjoy your relationship without worrying about it and it will happen.

I tend to have problems when I feel insecure with a partner. With a supportive partner, things just work better (including erections).

I am a middle aged man now, sometimes it just gets hard on its own, sometimes it needs a little coaxing or a lot, and yes, sometimes it just refuses to get hard. With a good partner, you learn what she likes, you can communicate what you like, and you don't need to worry.

2) You should talk to a doctor. It is possible that there is some physical issue. You should definitely talk to a doctor before you use viagra (as others have noted). There is a reason that this is a prescription medication.

3) You may consider therapy. Talking to someone about your feelings, who won't judge you, is a good thing. There are psychological techniques that have been shown to help with a lot of men that a therapist can help you with.

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Fri 21 Sep, 2018 09:57 pm
Thank you all for your suggestions and input. Its weird cause once I lose it it’s gone, going back to foreplay doesn’t bring it back because by that point I’m already too nervous. I guess I’ll be battling my own brain on this one, hopefully I can gain some more control lol.
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Sat 22 Sep, 2018 06:31 am
I have found as tough as a guy may be and erection is a fragile thing. One word or action and it is gone.
I believe you have nerves. You are expecting it to happen and that causes it.
I had a bf once that would lose it when he put on the condom so I started putting it on for him. That solved the problem.
Good luck just relax
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