An emotional affair

Sounds like both you and your wife kind of checked out of the marriage and the family. Problem is, your child needs you. You can't **** around with that.

So choices have to be made - by both you and your wife. If you're going to work on your marriage, then go all in. Block this other woman, chalk it up to curiosity and let it go. Go to counseling and sort out what goes on in marriages, particularly how the dynamics change when kids are involved. And seriously consider taking a parenting class - BOTH of you - because an authority saying your child needs to know the ABCs etc before school might go over better than you saying it. And you need to commit yourself into your child and his/her care as well. If your wife won't teach the ABCs, then it's all on you.

If you are not going to work on your marriage, then be honest with your wife and tell her now, before she maybe gets pregnant again. Do this independent of whatever is happening with the side chick.

Be prepared to take a financial bath. Divorce ain't cheap, particularly when there are kids involved. Even perfect no-fault divorces handled with no lawyers and via mediation have other costs. Your child will have to shuttle between your place and your wife's. You will both be hampered when it comes to employment opportunities, unless you want to put your kid on a plane and shift custody to school year/summer rather than (perhaps) every other weekend or whatever.

Get counseling if you end your marriage, too. Get some tools to handle the disagreements that will accompany the dissolution of a marriage and learn how to effectively co-parent. Parents who divorce amicably are doing their children a great service. Those who get into screaming fights at the drop of a hat are damaging their children. Decide which way you want to be.

But if you are unhappy in your marriage, end it. Don't stay together because of your kid. That's a horrible reason to remain in a marriage. All it does it teach your child that love is meaningless and marriage vows are ****, and that all that matters is the almighty alimony/child support dollar and the equally almighty family disapproval.

So forget about the side chick and think about what you want to do. How do you want next year to look, next five years, next decade, next thirty? And how does your wife want those years to look? Figure out if you're on the same page, or if you can get there any time soon.

And for God's sake don't have another kid until this is sorted out.

What do you mean you have to ask her to spend time with the child? Isn’t she there all day with the child? Now you want her to be a teacher, too?

It sounds like you have no idea what it takes to caretake a child and the home. I bet you feel that your work hours = the entire on goings in the home.

Tell me you help cook and clean and take the baby for a walk so she can take a soak in the tub.

Take your wife away for the weekend so that you can pay attention to her and the marriage. Forget this other woman who is starting up something with a MARRIED man who needs his ego (and other parts) stroked. Would you ever trust each other?

Sorry -I got no sympathy for you today.

given what you say about your wife's concern, why would you not be the one seeking primary custody of the child and taking responsibility for teaching alphabet/numbers etc? are you teaching the child now?

Definitely no more children until you get your marriage sorted out.

Arrange for counselling on your own and with your wife. While the counselling is going on - focus on the marriage and yourself. Block anyone outside of the relationship until it is sorted. If the other person is the one for you - they'll still be around in a year or so once you know if the marriage is proceeding or ending.

Well, nothing can get better until you make a decision to either end the affair or end your marriage. That needs to happen fairly quickly in order for healing to begin for everyone concerned.



This is an inherently unfair statement. Of course she would prefer to be doing other things - most parents feel that way from time to time. Including YOU. Why aren't YOU concerned about spending time with your child, teaching and playing games?

The guilt trip you're playing on her allows you to feel vindicated about having an affair. That's called gaslighting in which over the top criticism and reality distortion is used to control someone. Your attitude about her being tired is met with skepticism, not acknowledgement. You are more concerned about how your family will react than you are about how your own wife thinks and feels.

Being "in love" is much different than being in a loving relationship. The highs of the newness of the relationship is replaced with maturity and a sense of stability. Excitement wanes as dishes and laundry pile up. Household chores and paint chips, cutting the lawn and buying an SUV.

That's marriage - the day to day grind of the extremely boring stuff with some pretty amazing moments thrown in. The ability to recognize those moments and hold on to them sets the years in motion. And the next thing you know, your wife plucks gray hairs out of your ears before your child's graduation ceremony.

Then again, your path could go in a totally separate way. Splitting every other weekend and holidays with her allows you to find whatever you want, whether that's being "in love" with someone else or even by yourself.

Choose your path wisely.