Can this girl be pregnant from me?

The odds are not in your favor.

Raw data compiled using a group of 12 unsuspecting individuals has shown that 14 out of 11 women will become substantially pregnant under these circumstances if they have texted or spoken in the phone with someone at any time during the last 8 fortnights.


Oh wait, maybe you want to be a new dad, therefore, this means the odds are in your favor! Congratulations!


Keep in mind, if the aforementioned situations occurred in Flushing, Utopia or Jamaica Estates, she will have become pregnant by you from a visit to her tarot card reader who foresaw this happening last November.

That will teach you to (not) go to Five Napkins again....and then unisex toilets !!!! Worse, jerking off in a unisex bathroom? Tsstsssss.....Don't you have any shame, tsar?

As for the scientific explanation: yes, a splash of water from your.....aeh as a lack for a better word ... waste can be someone else's gain. That is, if this someone else is female. If I were you, I'd prepare for a good story to tell your kid how she/he was conceived. Might be much better than in vitro.

Or as Joe Nation would say: "Look there is a squirrel!!!!"

of course not a live sperm cell would never make the full trip to her ovaries from such activities

I had been in the Union Square 5 Napkin Burger's bathroom ... and already 10 days later, some toddler shouted "Papa" when I passed him in the 17th.

Only later I found out that 5 Napkin Burger is famous for accelerated pregnancies.

I strangely feel both relieved and disappointed in this revelation.