How did I get here?

I'm in my mid-30s and I'm not happy. I can't remember any long periods of time when I have been happy. A year back I left a well paying job for further studies and now after graduation, I'm not getting any calls for job opportunities. The few that I get, I feel my not being white is an extreme disadvantage, specially in the industry I work (now don't tell me how it is equally bad for white people, or how immigrants are taking away their jobs). In my industry, white people with just a Bachelors can go on to head their departments, but we need PhDs to be even considered.

I'm not angry with Whites. Or anyone for that matter. I feel I'm slowly achieving that inner peace and accepting life as it is. I guess everyone is just looking out for themselves, and for people who look like themselves or are culturally compatible. But a little more background on where I'm coming from -

7-8 months before I decided to leave my job , my girlfriend from 3 years was cheating on me with a white guy. She in fact, even told once over a casual chat on how white men are more respectful of women. I didn't think much of it then and I had no reason to feel insecure. It was a few months later I found videos and pictures of her with that guy on a porn site. Apparently the "respectful" white guy left the country and was done with her. His face isn't on any picture or videos. By the time I saw those videos, there were more than 300k views and had been shared on multiple websites. I never spoke to her after that. I left the country to start a new life.

I did well in school, but I'd require visa sponsorship for a job. I won't be able to afford too much time without a job. And I'm starting to question the point of it all. I'm too old to turn it around completely and find success in the real world (don't give me examples of Colonel Sanders or other people who have been there. The world and the job market is different now) . Academia was good because there are not many external factors such as my skin color or my native language or my cultural fit in a new country. I have been contemplating on the quickest and painless way to end this humiliation. I'm only concerned about my aging parents. They may not be able to take this shock. My siblings would be fine, but they don't stay with my parents either to be able to comfort them. I have no desire or energy left for myself and I feel for the first time I can see things clearly.

And it's not about some job paying 200 grand a year. I had better expectations of myself and I had started out very well when I was young. I don't know how did I **** it up so badly. Any job I might take up might mean I'd be reporting to someone way younger. Some people do it to feed their families or for some other greater purpose. I don;t see any higher purpose right now. Even in my last job, I felt useless looking at stuff that doesn't matter a lot and nobody cares. Most of the work can be automated and they will eventually be. Why make it miserable for yourself later if you can get out now. The longer one goes on , the more strings that get attached. Like I said, the only reason I'm still here is because I'm concerned about how my parents will take it.

I don't know if I make sense and what exactly I want when I start this discussion. I may not even have the courage to end my own life, but I'm thinking of setting myself a deadline. Keeping up hopes shouldn't extend beyond the deadline. But how does one actually do it? I don;t even own a gun, though I have heard that's the quickest way.