@jespah,
Thank you for the reply. As an update.
I do love my wife. And i did see i didn't mention her enough in this post. My wife and myself lacked kissing, sex, talking, etc. We have been married almost 10 years and things just became stale. It was like we were roommates. After this affair ended i went to her and really wanted to try and start over. I asked her to have movie night, kiss more, loving text messages, more sex, rubbing her feet, etc. She also said she would try more and it was really good for 3 days.
And then....
My Affair partner sent me an e-mail saying "I miss you...Im struggling with this" (As in her ending things) this was like drug. Seeing this was like a recovering alcoholic seeing a beer only after 3 days sober. This was my fault and my fault only. I replied "I miss you too" and i got sucked right back into this...I was doing so good. Seeing that e-mail, it felt good. Why?? I felt guilty again and i knew this was totally wrong.
This lasted another week of communication. She was in town again and told me her husband was away. I gave in and met her and had sex. Yesterday. My Affair partner ended things again and told me to never contact her and for me to stop missing her....
This time i said ok. I removed her fully from Social Media and deleted her phone number and put her e-mails in my Spam Folder. I went to my wife yesterday and told her i love her and gave her a kiss. We have started to watch more movie and i can see a change in my wife this past week. She seems more happy.
I know what i did was wrong and i should have had more will power. I wish this feeling on no one. I wish my Affair Partner never sent me that e-mail. This time im filled with Anger, im hurt, mad, i feel she is manipulating me. This on again off again is not healthy.
Anyway. Thank you for the reply and currently im on the path of recovery. I have been Affair Free for 1 day with zero communication. She is my wife's best friend so i know seeing each other is only a matter of time but i need to remain strong and not give in. I love my wife and me putting the extra effort in seems to have helped.
Thank you.