Just wondering.

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Married going on 14 yrs 2beautiful daughters and the dilema 16 yrs ago I dated a guy , I moved. Not knowing he was looking for me, I married another.my daughter was 6months he found me on social media, I expressed my happiness. He remained my friend, now many yrs later he’s in my life. 4yrs ago I needed to know what I felt! I went to see him. My husband and I had been having issues for a while. And no love making. I went and confirmed my feelings. They were still strong. We have seen eachother some more times after that. Phone calls, text and video chats. My husband is an incredible man, hard working and loves me. He found out and still wants us to work. The past relationship has many kids and works on and off, seems to always ask me to purchase things for him. He knows I love him, try’s to make me feel bad for what I have.he says he loves me more and that I don’t because I won’t leave my husband and I’m worried about how myself and my children will live, but that my husband will provide for their kids.i know that the sexual part in the marriage should get better, and do I let many years of love and a marriage go for love and someone who has nothing to offer only physical and does not want to better self.

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@Wonder1,

Your old boyfriend is selfish and manipulative, possibly even borderline abusive if you're even considering leaving your husband for him.

Get some counseling, alone, to figure out why you have such low self-esteem that you ever even considered it to be a good idea to leave someone responsible, loving, and kind (albeit not without problems) for a freeloader who only wants to sponge off child support.

And get marital counseling, and maybe a full medical checkup for your husband. Maybe something physical is affecting his behavior, performance, etc. You don't have to stay with your husband if you really don't want to, but you are by my calculations at least 35 and are way too old to be hanging around someone who is essentially a teenager - and not a nice one at that.

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@jespah,

I agree with your feed back. I know deep inside the old boyfriend is nothing good and dare I say a looser, slowly true colors are shown. And my self esteem actually is very good but a loss of an important love one has occurred and just put life on another level. But I needed to hear this from someone that does not know me. Actually first person that could respond when no one knows.
I never thought of it as abusive, but yes mentally abusive yes. Is the old bf. True love is hard to find, I found it with my husband and maybe a little lost he is willing continuously to regain us back, and for us and our family it’s what I want. I’m finding it hard to tell this old bf that he needs to stay away, he can text it to me but never verbally when I ask, and I’ve tried and he always comes back and texts me
Confused

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@Wonder1,

Just block him and be done with it. If you feel you must give a reason (and you never have to, BTW), then tell him the truth, that contact with him hurts your husband and may threaten your marriage and you don't want either of those things to happen.

Then be done with it.

If the guy comes over when you've told him to leave you alone, well, that's what cops are for.

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It really sounds like a part if you doesn’t want to let this old bf go.

Is it the sex? Because he really appears to bring nothing else to the situation.

Why has your marriage been unfulfilling? You say he’s great but still, something vital is missing. Have you been to marriage counseling?

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@PUNKEY,

It was the communication that kept me there for so long, yet lately I’ve realized that is lacking. Especially when it ends up what are you buying me, as I say nothing. That’s the girls food and etc...

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