Trapped by boyfriend

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Been with boyfriend for several years but never lived with him. He has had issues with financial honesty to me over the years which has led to a few breakups. He kept saying to me after our last breakup (last May) that he wants to marry me (soon), etc. The last straw was for me 10 days ago with another lie so I told him I'm sorry but can't take it anymore (especially if he is thinking marriage). It's too hard to be with someone you can't trust despite their best efforts to improve (and he has tried in some respects). After less than 24 hours, he texted me and told me we belonged together and should forget about the bad things we said to each other the day before when I told him I was breaking up with him. He is very dependent on me for his emotional needs (almost seems to be "addicted" to me). He tells me I am not ready for commitment in a relationship and I'm breaking up with him now b/c of the upcoming holiday and my sister's wedding in May(when he would meet the rest of my family). He also told me I'd never find another man, much less one that loves me as much as him and I had a pretty face but I should stop touching a blemish on my face. He said we break up but always reconcile (which has been true in the past) but I really can't take it anymore. How do I break free emotionally and physically?

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@trapped123,

Stop communicating with him.

Get on with your life without him.

Consider counselling to find out why you allow yourself to be with a liar who puts you down.

Start by uninviting him to your sister's wedding. Then block him so he can't text/phone you.

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Re-read your own post.

Pathetic situation!

Move on and find a more mature guy. He has wasted your valuable time.

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thanks for the replies but how do I tell him not to show up at my house for holiday dinner this Friday?

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@trapped123,

It's pretty simple...

We are done. Do not show up up at my house.

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I’m scared he will still show. Should I try to make the holiday dinner a different night?

1 Reply

@trapped123,

Call him and tell him he is not welcome to attend.

Tell family members who will be there that he is not an invited guest.

If he shows up, don't let him in.

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So I tried breaking up and he said that he suspects I'm seeing someone or interested in someone and conjuring up excuses to break up. He said his financial errors are "old news" and a "zebra can change their stripes".
He said I feel trapped because I don't know how to tell my family that I'm back with him since I broke up with him last year.
I think I just need to say "I don't love you anymore" even though I still have feelings for him; otherwise, he will never give up.
Thoughts?

2 Replies

@trapped123,

It's not up for debate.

You don't need to make any excuses or lie. And you do NOT need to launch into detailed explanations.

"We're through."

There ya go. Two words. NO MORE.

Then give back anything of his you may have borrowed and block him. Tell your family to keep him out and that's it.

He can whine about it in private. You don't have to hang around to listen.

1 Reply

@trapped123,

"He suspects you are seeing someone or interested in someone".

In your original post, he said " you will never find another man, let alone someone who loves you like I do".

He chooses his words to suit his own needs and that is, not wanting you in a proper emotional, soul reaching loving way, he wants you so that you can't leave and he continues to control you.

Yep. Control.

Right down to telling you, you are pretty but stop touching your blemish on your face.

It's your face isn't it?

You haven't left properly because he has made you feel worthless, no one else will love you, you are kinda pretty but no one else will look at you.

You are not a door mat.

You are pretty and yes, you definately will find someone else, guess what? Someone actually who will say I love you, be with you and show it and mean it.

Time to pull your britches up lady, it's time to stop being manipulated and get out there and enjoy your life.

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@jespah,

Seconding what Jespah says.

Breaking up is simple (not easy, but simple).

Once you say. "It is over, I am breaking up with you" nothing else matters. At this point you don't need to explain anything or apologize for anything. The relationships is over.

Tell him you don't want to talk any more. And then don't talk any more.

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@ehBeth,

Hi ! He sounds like a control freak ! Get away from him and stay away from him ! Do not talk to him and when he says that you can not get another boyfriend then just consider him to be a liar for you got him so there is no reason why you can not find another even better guy then this boy you had ! Good luck , thanks

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@trapped123,

Hi ! Sounds like this boyfriend is a control freak ! You need to get away from him and stay away from him ! Do not talk to him or contact him in anyway after you break up ! You deserve better then him ! You need to let him grow up and may be by doing this he will stop being dependent on you for everything ! Marrying him is not the answer either ! End it with him and move on with your life and on to your next Mature Boyfriend ! Good luck , thanks

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I want to thank everyone. I finally did it! At first he emailed me after getting my dear John letter (my letter I didn’t put any blame on either of us and I took the high road) but he blamed the whole thing on me and how I baby my son who needs my attention (my son is 30 but he has autism and I’m a single parent).

Several hours later he said that while what he said earlier was true he apologized and wished me the best.

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@trapped123,

Hold your head high and have an awesome life. Smile

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You did the right thing ! Now make sure and take care of you and your child ! Good luck and God bless you ! Thanks for letting us know how you are doing and please continue letting us know how you two are doing

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