Boyfriend trouble I don’t know what to do anymore :(

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Can anyone help me with this I feel like I’m going insane Sad

I have been with my boyfriend on and off now for 2 years he’s very secretive about things such as his family and health. I still haven’t met his parents and I feel like it’s really getting to me. I know this isn’t a big deal as in social media but he won’t accept our relationship on there and I see him liking photos of girls he used to date but not mine. He works a lot and manages to take days off if his friends want to do something but won’t do it for me. I have taken a week off as and he’s now saying he’s working all that week Sad

I just feel like I don’t exist in his life when I’m with him he’s amazing but he never wants to stay with me or even sleep with me. I just feel like I’m one of the lads and I’m not his girlfriend I let him do so much I never have a problem with him working or seeing his friends I just feel really rubbish that he isn’t making any effort atm. I don’t have any friends so it’s even harder for me I hate being on my own and that’s all it seems to be . I also think he has bi-polar Of some sort but hasn’t told me. He said when we broke up before that he has some issues but won’t tell me what it is but maybe one day he will and still hasn’t. He never wants to stay at mine always wants to go home can anyone else give me their advise? Shall I just carry on and ignore whatever. When I have asked previously he’s either broken up with me or shut me out Sad

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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 407 • Replies: 18

@Katesev,

Somebody who you have been with (even if it's been on and off) for two years is somebody who should be comfortable at least giving you a basic rundown on health stuff. It doesn't have to be detailed TMI. But a generalized, "I go for therapy every week." or "I've got high blood pressure but it's under control and nothing to worry about." would go a long way toward reassuring you. Certainly any health conversations that end with him breaking up or pouting aren't any good. You're not ridiculing him or even prying (at least, I don't think you are); you're concerned.

You've known each other long enough that you're not just anyone.

Walking on eggshells when it comes to his health is not a good position for you to be in.

But I think all of that is symptomatic of the bigger picture here. He doesn't seem to be valuing his time with you enough to take time off work or spend the night.

That's a lot more troubling.

You sure this guy isn't married?

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@Katesev,

Katesev wrote:

I don’t have any friends

take some time away from focusing on what is/isn't going on with this super annoying guy and work on getting your own world sorted. develop friendships and a social life independent of the guy

on top of anything else going on, I would feel horribly pressured if I thought/knew that my bf/gf was depending on my for their social needs

he's got a life outside of you

you need a life outside of him

you may both end up happier as a result

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Not there for you emotionally AND physically?

There's no relationship here, at all!!

Why do you put up with such neglect?

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@jespah,

I know for sure that he’s not married. But then thinking about it kinda would make sense lol. I know it’s not a laughing matter but maybe I should actually confront him about how he’s being with me. He knows I’m really laid back when it comes to him doing things. He told me he’s going on holiday for 3 weeks next year with his best friend but I have suggested going on holiday with him and he’s ignored it and said he didn’t want to go. I feel like I don’t really have a future with him. But I really don’t want to end things Sad

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@ehBeth,

It’s really hard making friends for me as I have obviously had friends just been messed around and that’s why I don’t have any now. I have been very unlucky when it comes to friends my best friend for over 10 years always slept with my boyfriends or people I liked and the guy who was my 1st love who was my best friend in school physically and mentally abused me for 5 years I don’t have much confidence and I do feel really sad about it I’m 27 I have recently had to move home with my parents I just feel like I don’t have a life all the people I know who I went to school with are married or have kids. And then there’s just me.

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@PUNKEY,

I really don’t know. I don’t want to lose him as I said when he’s with me he’s amazing but when we aren’t together he’s just not bothered. I just feel like I can’t do anything right with him and my mum always says I think it’s cause he’s not well as in has bi-polar but I don’t know I’m so confused

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@Katesev,

You could use counseling (don't panic; lots of people could use counseling). You need tools for dealing with people, and help in finding companionship, both platonic and romantic, with people who are better for you. You need some help in getting to a point where you can make better decisions on who you're going to spend your time with (and you could also use therapy as a means of dealing with having been abused - don't think everything is hunky dory just because it happened a while ago. It sounds like it's not).

PS I didn't get married until I was almost 30 (I don't have any kids by choice). Don't compare your relationship status with others. There is no set timetable for any of that.

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@Katesev,

I read your post several times because I kept thinking that I must be missing something. I mean, there must be something good that you are getting out of this relationship to make you want to stay in it. But I sure don't see what that might be.

Granted, ending a relationship can be scary, but if you are not deriving any benefit from a relationship, then why stay in it? You can't be happy with the way things are, otherwise you would not be here seeking advice.

If your boyfriend of 2 years would rather run off with a bunch of friends on holiday instead of running off somewhere with you, then I think it time you ditched the guy. You deserve someone who will place you at the top of his to be with list.

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@CoastalRat,

Jeez, don't you listen CR?
She said he's "amazing" Rolling Eyes

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@jespah,

Thankyou that’s the thing even tho i haven’t been with that ex boyfriend for 4 years now I still feel really awful about how he treated me and he was my first ever proper boyfriend so I feel like that’s how I should have been treated. I don’t like to tell anyone what to do so that’s why I don’t tell him about how I’m feeling. Thankyou for the reply means a lot.

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@chai2,

I’d rather you not post a sarcastic comment. Clearly you have fun thriving on someone being unhappy. I didn’t want to post things about my life but I love this man. So I think you should not comment again.

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@CoastalRat,

I know If I was happy then I wouldn’t be posting this. I just wanted some advise see if I was doing the right thing. I do agree with you that he should be taking me somewhere. But he I’m not gonna tell him what he should already know he’s not stupid or at least I don’t think he is lol.

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@CoastalRat,

This post really made me think tho I think I will have a sit down with him and maybe talk about our future. My mum even offered to take us all abroad and he said he didn’t want to go but would happily go away for a month with his friend Sad

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Talk to him.

Talk to a counsellor as well. Really read jespah's advice carefully. It is very wise.

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@Katesev,

Those people don't sound like friends. They sound like nasty acquaintances.

Work with a counsellor on building up your self-esteem so that you will not accept people treating you badly.

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@Katesev,

Katesev wrote:

I don’t want to lose him as I said when he’s with me he’s amazing but when we aren’t together he’s just not bothered.

how long do you want to be 3rd/4th/5th on his list?

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Wow - you had no trouble putting someone in their place when a remark was made you didn’t like, so that shows you CAN speak up.

Why are you having difficulty with telling him this relationship is nit enough for YOU?

He’s “amazing” when he’s with you? But, dear, he doesn't want to be with you. You are getting the crumbs.

Did you say he is bi-polar? Has he been diagnosed by a Dr. ? That could explain why he’s so difficult to have a relationship with. You have to decide if it’s good enough for you, as it probably won’t get any better in the future.

Boyfriend trouble I don’t know what to do anymore :(

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