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Will my ex who dumped me change his mind?

 
 
Reply Fri 2 Mar, 2018 11:41 pm
We had a whirlwind romance lasting 3 months. He told me he loved me more than any other girl he s been with and then a month later dumped me due to pressure from his family (saying his moods would prevent him from living with me), worries about him living with me child too (4yo) and him having a bout of depression. Will he change his mind? He is not happy now that I don t want to be friends and i want no contact. It s been a week since he dumped me :/ he's 40 and he's never had serious relationships or lived with a woman. He suggested moving in with me but then spent a week woreying about it and then dumped me Sad



 
roger
 
  5  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 01:00 am
@Jess1968,
Jess1968 wrote:

He is not happy now that I don t want to be friends and i want no contact.


I think you have made an excellent decision.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 03:35 am
@Jess1968,
I'm sure he will change his mind. In fact I'm sure he'll keep changing his mind, and you'll be knocked back and forth if you let him.

You don't need this, and more importantly neither does your child. Your child needs stability not someone still under his parents' thumb.
0 Replies
 
neptuneblue
 
  2  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 07:28 am
@Jess1968,
First off, I'm glad you cut contact with him. If he's this flaky in three months, I'd hate to see you spend another day with someone like that.

And that's probably where my niceness is going to end. As a woman and parent, I can't understand what or why you're acting like any dick will do. You put your safety, and the safety of your child in the hands of a stranger. Yes, a STRANGER. You have to be better than this.

Anybody who says they fell in love in three months time doesn't know what love is. You should have run for the hills the first time it came out of his mouth. What you experienced from him was lust and loneliness, not love. And you fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

As a parent, you have an obligation to your child to raise him/her in a stable environment. That means, you don't bounce men in and out of your bedroom and the child's life just because you are horny. I like sex, sex is good, but my child always comes FIRST. From your post, being a parent is a side note for you.

I'm not going to get into the reasons why he dumped you. What you should be doing is thanking your lucky stars that you dodged a bullet with him. You need to start thinking more seriously about your actions and how it affects your child.

I'm not saying don't date. I'm saying take some time to get to know who you are dating before moving him in to play pseudo husband and father. If after a minimum of one year (maybe more) and it's a good fit for everyone involved, then discuss cohabitation.

As a single parent, run a simple background check on somebody you're dating. A simple search in the county of record Clerk of Courts for drug related arrests, prior domestic issues, prior marriages, driving record and bankruptcies are all public record and a NECESSITY to ensure you know who this person is. You don't need his permission or social security number, just his full name. And if a man balks at you ensuring your own safety and your child's safety, then he's not a good candidate for you to bring home.

Start thinking with your head, not your vagina.
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 09:08 am
@neptuneblue,
To add to this, I'd say consider bringing a date home to meet a child to be in the same league as bringing a date home to meet parents when you're a teenager. It should be something you want to go right, that you sweat over, you don't do on a lark, and you don't do with just anyone.
0 Replies
 
Jess1968
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 11:10 am
@Jess1968,
Few of the following points have much to do with question and simply follow the the unrelated answers to my question: 1, Parenting is my priority 2, My question didn't focus on parenting / my child because my question isn't about that 3, I have done a dbs check 4, The average timespan statistically for people to say 'I love you' is 3 months 5, I did wait before introducing him to my child eventhough the dad has no involvement and I have no other family support so I only have some mornings to 'date' 6, when I did introduce them it was as a friend and not pressured 7, I haven't 'dated' or introduced anyone to my child since I split with her dad years ago so do not 'think with my vagina(not moving anyone in or out if the bedroom) and absolutely have focussed on parenting and still do despite at last meeting someone who I deemed to be a good potential boyfriend / husband and role model for my child 8, All answers except the 1st are unhelpful, judgemental and nothing to do with the question.
Jess1968
 
  0  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 11:30 am
Edit: all answers except the 1st and 2nd are unhelpful I meant!
neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 11:50 am
@Jess1968,
Of course I'm judgmental. You should be too.

No, parenting isn't your TOP priority, getting a man, any man, is. If a three month time span is what "average" people say "I love you" then you should raise your standards to above average. You have more at stake than the "average" person, you're a single mom. So quit the horse **** about anybody being judgmental and fix your picker. It's seriously time to to woman up.

Normal single parents do NOT race to fill a void in their lives with a forty year old man whose never lived with a woman let alone a ready made family. How can he be a "role model" when he has absolutely NO experience with this? And you want to trust your child with him, only knowing him for three, count them, one, two, three whole months? Wow. Ninety days is all it takes for you to know how he will react to a child? You're delusional if that can be the best you can do.

Instead of getting angry, keep your pants on and get a grip. If you actually deem a 40 yr old man, whose never had a relationship that involved cohabiting with a woman and child, who flakes out after 90 days, as a "good potential boyfriend/husband" then you really need help of a counselor.

ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 11:53 am
@Jess1968,
I hope you realize that responses 1 through 4 are saying the same thing to you.

Jess1968
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 12:15 pm
@neptuneblue,
Parenting is my top priority. The short time span doesn't mean it isn't or that I'm a single parent and have looked at the men I've known over the years, dismissed them as being unsuitable and then selected one I think is suitable (so not any man) so doesn't mean parenting isn't my top priority. The short time span and the fact he has 'flaked' is concerning for me (the offer to move in with us does not stand) and is the reason I'm seeking advice on here. I'm not angry and am commenting on judgement of my parenting and am giving information on the situation which has been judged, which is not what the question is about.
0 Replies
 
Jess1968
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 12:18 pm
@ehBeth,
Comments 1-2 answer the question and are helpful. Comments 3-4 are not answering the question and are not.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sat 3 Mar, 2018 01:46 pm
@Jess1968,
He has taken himself out of the running as a long-term partner due too his lack of stability. He can't have a relationship with anyone else as the one he has with himself is quite damaged. All of the rest is just noise.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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