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Scared I'll regret it if I leave him

 
 
Jen88
 
Reply Mon 26 Feb, 2018 10:42 am
Hi,
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years. We are best friends, always laughing, love each other's families, have talked about marriage and children. We also live together.
6 months ago I found out he was secretly messaging and meeting up with another girl. He kissed her but is adamant nothing more happened. It was so unexpected and unlike him, and it really did break my heart but, after some time, I forgave him. I finally started to forget it, but now I have found out hes been deleting messages from a girl he works with and met up with her, and lied about it.
He says they're work friends only, and deleted the messages because of what's happened in the past- his words were he 'didn't want me to think there was something going when there wasn't'.
But what hurts me is how easily he lies to me. I really am in love with him, and before this he has always been such a good boyfriend. But can I be with someone that lies so easily to me? And am I being naive in believing nothing is going on with this girl from work? I'm also aware that had I not found out, it could have evolved into something more.
Im just so scared to leave him if he really is the only man I'll ever love. I can't bear the thought of never seeing him, his family or friends again. But I also know I can't continue letting him break my heart like this.
Thanks for reading!
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Feb, 2018 10:52 am
@Jen88,
Jen88 wrote:
, have talked about marriage and children


talk to him seriously about the future

if marriage is still on the agenda for him - ask him to participate in a pre-marriage prep program with you

it seems like you could both benefit from talking to a professional about where the relationship is going - and to help you get wherever that is - either a better adult relationship or a gentle break-up

please make sure you don't get pregnant while any of this is ongoing/in doubt
Jen88
 
  3  
Reply Mon 26 Feb, 2018 11:07 am
@ehBeth,
He has said he still wants these things for us, and has even proposed since. I did say no, telling him we're not in the best place at the moment to be making those decisions. So certainly no babies just yet! Maybe talking to someone will help though, this is the first time i have ever talked about it with someone other than him. Thanks Beth Smile
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Feb, 2018 08:18 pm
What are your ages?

Five years and now he starts to stray ....???

That tells me he has not gotten some things out of his system and is not mature enough to know what he's got. He is not ready to settle down.

Do NOT get pregnant! That will not improve things.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Mon 26 Feb, 2018 08:31 pm
@Jen88,
Do give individual and/or couples counselling a try if it's possible where you are.

Good luck with it. You sound pretty sensible about things.
0 Replies
 
Jen88
 
  1  
Reply Tue 27 Feb, 2018 04:06 am
@PUNKEY,
I'm 26 and he is 27. He's had relationships before me but was single a good while before we met. However for me this is my first relationship. I have mentioned to him that I think he's bored, if he wasn't he wouldn't feel the need to message other girls. He's adamant he isn't and has blamed a lot of it on my job (I work away and can be away for days at a time). I definitely won't! Thankyou for you response Smile
0 Replies
 
 

 
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