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Sun 25 Feb, 2018 01:57 am
I am the applicant XX. I am now studying in XX. I want to attend the pre-college program in Penn University. What’s more, I want to attend the microeconomic class in the Penn University.
My mom is the manager of a loans company. Sometimes I could hear her talking about the trade she was dealing with. Being influenced by my constantly sees and hears, I started to develop some interest about business and economy. So when I am in Grade 10, I attended the financial competition in Guangzhou No.2 middle school. I was the first debater and the problem solver. I form a team with other seven people. Facing the incoming problems, we discussed them together. At this situation, I enhance my knowledge about investment by searching information online. What’s more, I also encounter a fresh new area------debate. I slowly take in information and try to make a proficient output. However, due to the crudity we lost the debate. It is a pity but I still appreciate this experience. From then on, my interest on business grows fast.
After I have decided that I am going to put myself into business in the future, I saw the course of microeconomic in Summer Penn. I feel like I want to attend this course. Dealing with the business, I need to know the basic knowledge of supply and demand, which the course offers. In addition to that, if I want to run my own company I also need to know how to survive under competition. In my mind, these theories are abstract, but this course-----microeconomics provides me a chance to dig deep in to the core of this field. I might stay face to face with pricing of factors of production, income distribution, and theory of international trade.
I got good grades in my studies. During the 7-9 grade in Haizhu experimental middle school, Guangzhou, China, all the subjects achieved excellent grades including Mathematics, English physics and chemistry. In addition to that, I worked hard on my English study. I took classes on toefl and SAT. But the listening part and speaking part is really a challenge for me. The professor in the lecture spoke so fast that I can’t catch up their words. In order to deal with it, I listen to the American news everyday and tried to copy down the key information on a separate sheet of paper. I enrich my vocabulary during this process. Finally, I got 107 in my Toefl test. In the listening part, I got 30, which is full grade.
If I attend this pre-college program, I am sure that I would definitely learn more about business and also practice my English speaking by contacting with others who I have not met before. What’s more, I could experience the college life in advance.
@CherryYobo,
I'll offer a few suggestions:
Quote:My mom is the manager of a loan company. Sometimes I could hear her talking about her trading business. Being influenced by what I constantly saw and heard, I started to develop some interest in business and economy. So when I was in Grade 10, I attended the financial competition in Guangzhou No.2 middle school. I was a first rate debater and an excellent problem solver. I formed a team with other seven people. Facing the incoming problems, we discussed them together. [In] this situation, I enhanced my knowledge about investment by searching [for] information online. What’s more, I also discovered a new arena of debate. I methodically took in information and made my best effort. While we lost the debate I still gained much from this experience. From then on, my interest in business grew quickly.
Having decided on a future in business, I saw the course on microeconomics offered at Summer Penn. I feel strongly that I want to attend this class. Dealing with the business, I need to have the basic knowledge of supply and demand, which the course offers. In addition to that, if I want to run my own company I also need to know how to survive in a competitive situation. In my mind, these theories are abstract, but this course in microeconomics provides me the opportunity to dig deep into the core of this field. I could gain knowledge on the pricing of factors of production, income distribution, and theory of international trade.
I got good grades in my studies. During the 7-9 grade in Haizhu experimental middle school, Guangzhou, China, I achieved excellent grades in all subjects, including Mathematics, English physics and chemistry. In addition to that, I worked hard on my English study. I took classes in TOEFL and SAT. But the listening part and speaking part is really a challenge for me. The professor in the lecture spoke so fast that I had difficulty keeping up with the words. In order to deal with [this], I listen to the American news everyday and tried to copy down the key information on a separate sheet of paper. I enrich my vocabulary during this process. Finally, I got 107 in my Toefl test. In the listening part, I got 30, which is the maximum grade.
If I attend this pre-college program, I am sure that I would definitely learn more about business and also practice my English speaking by conversing with others who I have not met before. What’s more, I could experience aspects of college life in advance.
I think your English is quite good and I'm sure it will improve over time. I hope these suggested changes are helpful and that you are able to attend Penn.
@hightor,
The only thing I would add is to switch the third and second paragraphs so that talking about the past flows into talking about the hoped-for future (the course at Penn).
And best of luck! English is very different from many Asian languages so it's understandable if fluency is not perfect. But this writing is obviously coming from someone who is smart and certainly eager to learn.
Good luck!
@CherryYobo,
I agree with what the others said. I would change things slightly. This essay is about you, but you start off by talking about your mother. How about,
I started to develop some interest in business and economics when I was young. My mom is the manager of a loans company. Sometimes I could hear her talking about the trade she was dealing with.
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