How do I stop being sarcastic when it's completely natural to me?

realizing that it's a problem is an important first step.

no need to quit cold turkey.

maybe try reducing it by, say 50%, and see how it fits...

I totally agree with Region Philbis: The important first step is to recognize the problem. Now that you know about it, you can work to counteract it! As an example. I'd advise you to try and count to five or so before replying to anybody, putting yourself in their shoes, and then considering if what you are about to say would/could be considered hurtful to them.

If you have difficulty figuring out what sort of remarks you make that are construed as hurtful, you might consider asking your friends if they can give some input: the person(s) who made you realize you actually have this problem might be a good starting point. Regardless, good luck with it!

well the only problem is, the girl who I hurt or bothered blocked me on Facebook, I know her brother and sister...but I'm really terrified of contacting them now what with all the women empowerment and stuff...I'm terrified that if I try to contact her or her family she would consider it harassment or something. I am seeing a therapist, but they can't seem to figure anything out either even though I've explained what I could, but I'm just realizing the sarcasm part..so hopefully by next meeting that might give some advancement, plus I'm seeing a neurologist in March as well.

Changing your behavior doesn't have to start with this particular woman. It can start with your behavior everywhere.

Consider this. Do you respond sarcastically to grocery checkout clerks, to waitstaff at restaurants, to your boss? If you do, then what happens? If you don't, then why are you behaving one way with them and not the same with others?

Also, consider this. Are you looking to be more courteous to this woman because you want to date her, or because you think it's the right thing to do? Because if you see courtesy as only the means to an end, then you've got a lot more work to do on yourself.

Can you give an example of your sarcasm? (Dialogue?)

If might be that you just want attention; you can't stand to see others happy or productive; you are fearful people don't need you.

It's some kind of fear-based feeling that makes you respond like that.

Well I joke around constantly....I called her celebrity crush an obession...but I tend to joke around with almost everybody...but generally people don't really get offended as much as they don't seem to like me.

"you are fearful people don't need you. " Perhaps something along these lines makes more sense. I think it's more along the lines of I'm needy myself and it bothers people, and then it hurts me. I don't really know.

I hate to deliver blunt unvarnished news, but it seems you are a bit of an asshole. I think you know you are being an asshole and thats probably why you are worried about this girls brother and sister reaction to whatever you really said to this woman.

What you think is joking around apparently is not causing a lot of laughter in your social group. You said people don't get offended as much as don't seem to like you. People do like clever, usually they don't like mean, maybe you really need to take a hard look at yourself and try to figure out if your remarks are really sarcasm or are you just behaving like a jerk. My grandfather used to say "it's only a joke if both people laugh", I think he was right.

I'm sorry, I don't think this is true. I reckon that shyguygamer is, in fact, a shy guy gamer, and perhaps is lacking in social skills... The need to make jokes is something I have myself as well, and I will never claim I'm a (socially) astute person. It can be hard to draw the line between jokes that are funny and remarks that are offensive: just look at the material of some stand up comedians.

Furthermore, shyguygamer doesn't mention anything about the women or her brethren in the opening post: this information was only given in response to a suggestion.

I don't get the sense he is a jerk: if he was, why would he post here acknowledging he has a problem? I met a jerk or two in my life so far, and on the whole, they don't seem particularly interested to change the way they behave...

Is there someone in your group that you trust a great deal?

I say this because, I personally, was talking toward a manager who I really had a strong respect and friendship with, inappropriately and unprofessionally. They reason I was because of my trust towards him that I was too forward. The issue was I would speak to him this way in front of others and I did not even realize it. He mentioned it to me in a review. And I said what? I completely respect you - I would never speak to you in a disrespectful manner? So we agreed that he would point it out to me the next time I did it. And voila I saw it in action. I was horrified and apologized.

My point being - if you know someone you can trust in this way - one that will point out to you when you cross the line - it can be really enlightening. Often times in the moment you do not even realize it. Or if you don't want to be called out in a crowd - you can even devise a code that would let you know - a certain pat on the arm or another way to let you know --- ok you are going too far.

in all honesty, what I truly think is because I wrote the comment on facebook, perhaps the tone was lost and it became more offensive than it was meant to be...or just in general even though I was joking it was still offensive to her...I'm not really sure....like I said, my heart is wanting to get the bottom of this, and I want to change, but it's hard when I've lived my whole life acting this way and really feel like this is an almost impossible behavioral change...and yes, very true to the social skills factor...I'm terrible at it, probably hence why I'm posting on message boards and not interacting with a person, other than the therapist.

I might be able to help you Shyguygamer1. I don't know what kind of therapist you are seeing, but if he can use this technique it'll be as invaluable to you as it was to me.

It's called redecision therapy.

For most of my life it was difficult for me to give somebody a positive stroke or accept one for that matter, and it was disguised as sarcasm or joking around.

Redecision therapy is simply making a statement to counteract a poor decision you made somewhere in your early life. When you are a kid if you don't get very many positive strokes from your parents, then you start acting out and giving negative strokes, which are easy to give and easy to get. A kid needs a lot of strokes, and negative strokes are better than none.

I went through the process in therapy, and it's not difficult. But you have to have a therapist to work with you. You have to work with him to formulate a redecision, a statement to the effect that "I will give and receive only pure positive strokes."
Formulate a clear and somewhat terse statement until it sounds like what you want. Then when you're in your treatment and you become extremely emotional your therapist will have you state the redecision over and over again. Do this a couple of times and it will be set forever. You will become a positive person, and it will actually hurt you to give negative strokes. It works and it works very well. It worked for me.

This guy impulsively says provocative or offensive remarks to people, then can't stand that someone cuts him off.

We all know people like this: someone previously termed it as being "an asshole."

That's the common name to describe a personality disorder. I suspect the therapist knows this.

The new message or redecision must be implanted when the subject is in a deep emotional state, that is a suggestive or hypnotic state. Early childhood, before the age of five or so, is a period of suggestibility akin to the hypnotic state. This is when messages are implanted through inculcation very easily and original decisions are made, which are later interpreted as truth. But these decisions can be neutralized and reversed in a clinical setting through the process of redecision therapy. And it's not difficult nor time consuming.