Confused!

So - he is witholding sex because you've been a "bad girl"?

Can't you see what he is doing? Just when you two become close, he slips into the "punishing parent" role and stops the next step that requires him to be intimate.

Stop tolerating this! You deserve better!

Insist that he become a full partner again.

(My god, you didn't cheat, you were just nosey, right?)

I know! I also feel the frustration at the fact that I didn't actually cheat and I was looking up stuff not because I want to start anything up with my ex but I'm just curious.

He doesn't see it that way though because he would never do that to me and I think it's more the betrayal aspect of it because he's asked me in the past not to do that and I've promised not to but did it again anyways. It was a blatant lapse in judgement and I hurt his feelings over it, so he's thinking if I can go behind his back and not give any regard to his feelings then I can do something worse.

I don't think he's specifically withholding sex or emotion, I just think he's shut himself off from feeling that way because he's protecting himself. He believes that if he just dives right back into the way it was things will be good for a while and then I'll do something shady again and he'll be hurt all over again.

Then if he can't trust you, he should break up with you.

It's unfair to make him walk on eggshells, waiting for the next time you do "something. "

You should learn to un-love this man. If he has been so damaged and hurt by previous love affairs, tell him seek out professional help...as sympathetic as you are please understand he is clingy and trying to make you feel guilty for all the boo boos that he suffered before you. Remember your children don't have a say in any of this, don't let this man's neediness suck your kids into becoming emotional care takers for his sense of victimhood. From the little you have said (as I look over my much longer life and dreadful violent first marriage) I urge you to toughen up and demand more for yourself. You and your children deserve to feel loved, respected, trusted and enjoyed for who you are.....If your current boyfriend hasn't gotten there yet...you will be doing him a favor by pushing him out of the nest and making him responsible for his own happiness. Maybe he will sober up emotionally and come back a better partner,,,but if he doesn't you will have freed yourself and opened the door for a more satisfying and loving arrangement. Please trust yourself, and stop thinking 'that you love him' and have no option...you may very well love him, but right now it seems to me it will only get more controlling, more restrictive and make you very lonely. It is totally permissible to be a tad selfish when you live with someone who doormats you..... His happiness and security needs do not trump yours...and frankly, looking at social media and checking on old ex's does not mean you are untrustworthy...we all get curious. But if you allow this to go on, next he will want to know why you wear lipstick..are you a tramp? Why do you wear a dress, are you showing off your legs...there will always be something that makes him insecure (that's what he'll claim) Stop before you both become miserable. Good luck.

Wow, I feel like maybe I'm painting him in a really bad light. I have been in a proper controlling and abusive relationship, the first one I've ever had. It sort of shaped my idea of what relationships are supposed to look like and what they are not supposed to look like. Perhaps it makes me a bit of a doormat now in my relationships and that I will agree with.

I'm not delusional enough to believe that I will never love again, I've loved plenty and for that I'm very grateful. However, I do think there is still a lot of love there with this guy and no matter what he is going through right now I truly believe it can be worked through.

I'm never the type to just let something die, if this problem had been going on for months than perhaps I would have to look at things again but I just haven't given it enough time. I wouldn't say he's controlling me or being abusive in any sense. Nor do I think that he's walking on egg shells waiting for me to do "something" that was so nicely pointed out.

I love him and I know he loves me and we have a great life together so I just need to see where it goes from here. I do appreciate all the advice though.

Well, at least all the advice and posts have served a purpose. They have helped you form your opinion. Sometimes, that's all people can do.