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Tue 2 Jan, 2018 08:23 pm
Me and my boyfriend are together nearly 6 years, we have a 4 year old daughter together. Over a year ago he broke my trust but never done anything wrong on me up until this point, so having trouble letting it go.
So I open my computer one day and notice my brother left his Facebook opened and the messenger box opened happens to be my partner. They went out together 2 weeks before so they were talking about it, now i know as soon as I didn’t close the tab I’m in the wrong but it was right there the first 2 sentences of there conversation, my partner had tried drugs! My first taught wasn’t “omg he did drugs how could he” it was that he bare faced lied to me and had no problem doing so. So many feelings came all at once, I was thinking if he lied so easily about that what else has he lied about! So I texted him and straight away he denied it so I got even more angry because I knew the truth and he still lied I was telling him facts and he was still trying to get out of it. Fighting about this went on for about a week we hadn’t seen each other I just couldn’t get over it I was heartbroken, lying isn’t easy to deal with. We talked it out and eventually moved on well so I thought until the next time he went out and I found myself freaking out over it thinking he was do something and lie again and I would never know.
It’s been over a year and I’m not over it, it hurts to think about and he won’t talk about it anymore he says he can’t because he knows how much it hurt me and he doesn’t wanna drag it all back up.
What do I do , how should I feel ?
@Clueless94,
Clearly, sweeping it under the rug and not talking about it hasn't settled anything. You're not over anything.
So - you either talk together, or you, personally, talk to a counselor (possibly with him eventually).
If he doesn't want to talk about it, then that might give you some clues about how he deals with all of his problems.
What do you mean he "did drugs"?
What drugs? Pot? Coke? Heroin?
Does his behavior make you feel he is under the influence of drugs on a daily basis?
@PUNKEY,
In not sure some tablet , if you knew the conversations we had about drugs like he was anti drug hates how they destroy life’s and always said he would never try and never feel peer pressured into doing it just because some of friends were but that’s exactly what he done he didn’t come home to me that night he done them he didn’t answer the phone to me because he knew I’d know there was something wrong , he went to work the next day at 6pm rang me that night saying he had to come home he wasn’t well but when I look back it was because he couldn’t handle the come down and stayed with me that night knowing what was wrong with him letting me feel sorry for him and looking after him. After I found out and when I thought back on the time after he done it before I found out it all messed with my head, I’m still struggling to figure out how to just get over the lying and so easily pretending nothing happened
If this is a one time incident, then let it go.
Or are you suspecting something is going on?
If you suspect that he is using, then lower the boom and demand an explanation about his behavior (hyper, dreamy, sleepy, out if it, distracted, anxious-or other) Not because you found out by looking at his email, but because of his behavior TODAY.
@PUNKEY,
It was just that time but we had this whole argument because he kept saying he was sorry and I was saying your only sorry you got caught because he had no intentions of telling me. I know this isn’t a regular thing it looks like this one time but I’m worried about everytime he goes out drinking with his friends, I’m paranoid and I need to learn to trust his word that he won’t do it again he told me he didn’t enjoy and he has no intentions on doing anything again I need to learn to trust him again
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