Reply
Sun 17 Dec, 2017 04:44 am
I am engaged to my partner of 4 years and we have a mortgage in a lovely home, he says I am the best thing to ever happen to him, he proposed to me this year and wants to get married, have kids, the whole lot.
The issue is he seems to be trying his best to mess things up, he has mental health problems (Bi polar, drink addiction) but I have stood by him and help him in every way that I can. He uses social media and something I have been seeing more and more is when he has a normal conversation through messenger with female friends, initiated earlier on in the day about something innocent like they ask how he is, whether it be an old colleague, one night stand, he will switch the conversation to inappropriate and say things like ''I have you for sex though eh?'' or ''show us your t**s haha!'' or if I wasn't with my partner would you sleep with me, I am fishing''
Now I am deeply hurt by all of this, I only know this is happening because I know the pin in his phone, if the friend of his has anything about her (usually if that person has known him ages) they will shoot him down and remind him he has a fiancé. But if it is a young work colleague they don't seem to care and play along, then he usually falls asleep and deletes the message the next day. I have no idea why he is doing this, every person he knows have all said I am stunning and could be a model and he is a very lucky guy, his closest friends know how self destructive he is and with his bi polar he is up and down like a yo yo, he is on meds now but he drinks at the same time....a lot at that. A little background, he cheated on most of his ex girlfriends, even one he was madly in love with. He is on meds for his illness and it has made his sex drive none existent, he went from sex mad in the beginning of our relationship, to never initiating it at all.
Lately a one night stand of his messaged him thanking him for keeping in touch and staying friends, she went on to say how gorgeous I am and how lucky he is that he has the dream life. However he said ''Yeh its all good, now I remember very well our one night stand...we might need another go at it'' and she went on to remind him he is NOT single. He seems to be talking to her a lot lately and I am so terrified he is going to go ahead with it and cheat on me at some point and she is going to think there is something wrong with our relationship, when in fact I know it is HIM who turns me down for intimacy. He has no idea I read these messages. He tells me he loves me all the time and even told me he would never cheat on me.
Why is he doing this?? what do I do? I will only leave if it actually happens.
First if all, it's not intimacy he craves. It's the excitement and the challenge of the attempted "snare" and seeing the reaction of his provocative remarks. He doesn't even care about the "catch", either.
Liken this to a gambling addiction. It's not the win or lose. It's the thrill of the game. The next"big one" is just within reach.... he can't resist.
There's no intimacy there at all. And it has nothing to do with how you look.
Wow- he has a drinking addiction, maybe a sex addiction, he speaks inappropriately to women, and he's on meds for bi-polar ( which he probably does not take so he can drink) You don't mention his financial or career status - bet it's up and down, too.
You are going to have to decide if you can handle this relationship. It will exhaust you, for sure.
You must let him know that you know what he's doing. Like a child, he must learn that there are consequences for everything he does. He does't seem to have the abilty to "check" himself. So you will end up being in the "critical parent" role in the future.
Your decision.
@Lorna4891,
Lorna4891 wrote: have kids
whatever else you do, do NOT have children with this person
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace