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I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 years, since we were both very young and were not sexually active with anyone but each other. I have still never touched another person. A few years ago he broke up with me and we were seperated for about a week. When he begged me to take him back he told me he got really drunk and hooked up with someone, which he told me was just kissing. About a year or so after that, I was diagnosed with trich, and did a lot of research and came to the conclusion that it was very likely that I came into contact with it through some other means rather then sexual transmission. Looking back, he still didn’t come clean about the genital skin to skin contact that had occurred that night. More recently, he had three small “skin tags” and a doctor could not confirm what they were. At this point I thought if it was warts, that it was transferred from the few he’s gotten on his fingers over the years. But now I know that’s not possible. A few days ago, I noticed something that I thought we’re not warts and when I had him look he though they were and told me what he had done. The doctor told me yesterday that I have HPV. I feel stupid that I was lied to for three years and was so gullible. He did get tested after it happened but apparently they don’t test for trich unless you specifically know to ask, which he didn’t know until he looked up trich after I was diagnosed with it, and he had no outbreaks that could have been related to hpv at the time. He’s extremely guilty and can’t stop crying from what he did to me. But he’s told me many lies before, that I eventually find out (upsetting ones but nothing this serious or life changing). I know he hasn’t cheated but I feel like once we were back into what should be a trusting relationship I should have been warned and maybe could have prevented this from happening even if I stayed with him. I guess I’m just asking for advice on whether I should trust him anymore and still stay with him. I have always loved him and he’s a good man but I don’t know if you can fix a compulsive liar. He says he’s going to change but I’ve heard that before. Anyone have any advice for this or for staying healthy if we stay together now that we can pretty much confirm that we both have HPV? Thank you in advance.

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[+4] - jespah - 11/22/2017So basically he didn't come clean about the extent of how he had gotten infected (or at least had endangered you) until you forced it out of him. And he's lied about other things. This does...

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@Ally517,

So basically he didn't come clean about the extent of how he had gotten infected (or at least had endangered you) until you forced it out of him.

And he's lied about other things.

This does not have the makings of a fantastic, lasting partnership already.

I have a friend who this nearly exactly happened to. As in, she was a virgin for her first marriage, thought her first husband was as well, and then ended up with genital warts that she couldn't have gotten any way other than him passing them to her. She's married to someone else and is very happy. But for her, she was angry as all get out that her first husband had done this to her. Partly, she was angry about being infected, and partly that he had lied about not sleeping with someone else.

Of course everyone's experience is different but you have the right to be angry about this. And you also have the right to throw in the towel on a relationship, even if it's not ending due to a big, screaming fight.

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@jespah,

Yes. Exactly. It’s the fact that his lying really did endanger me for the first time and he realizes that now. He’s not one to cry and he has been constantly sobbing since he told me two days ago, and he says it’s because he did this to me and because he’s upset that these things wouldn’t show up on the tests he took before we got back together. I also know some couples who went through similar situations in their past and got married afterwards and now have a happy marriage. Then again a similar situation contributed to ending my parents marriage. I feel the same way your friend did and I suppose I need more time to make my decision as it’s very new. Thank you for your help.

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@Ally517,

I don't usually disagree with Jespah. But here I do. I think you are overreacting.

Having HPV is not a big deal. More than two thirds of American adults, almost 70% of us have HPV. For you to break up with a relationship because you have HPV is like break up with someone because they have a cold, or arthritis. This is an extremely common virus, that most of us have with only occasional minor problems (yes, there is cancer... but that very rare and it is something that we all have to deal with and you are far more likely to die in a car crash.).

Trich is treatable and also very common. The reason that medical professional don't test for it is because it isn't a big issue. They don't care. They also don't test for HPV because it is more often then not positive, and rarely causes any serious problems.

You are a sexually active adult.... this is part of life in the 21st century.

Deal with your relationship, if it isn't working for you than end it. But HPV is not a big deal and shouldn't be a part of this decision.

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@maxdancona,

I understand how common it is and that it would be likely that I would have gotten it if I had been with other people or if he had been. The reason I am upset is because when we got together we were never sexually active with anyone else and were 15 and 16 years old. There should have been no reason for either of us to ever contract an std. I felt completely safe in the fact that it was impossible. Again, I understand he did something when we were briefly not together but he broke our trust by not only omitting what happened but by actively lying about what happened once we got back together. I still was told that he had still never had any sexual encounters with anyone but me. I am not overacting about the disease itself but my particular situation and the repeated lies. Especially when it came up again when I got trich and he still lied plus the fact that he knew that he possibly had genital warts and I didn’t think that was possible but he still had unprotected sex with me. I’m not going to break up with him over this because of hpv it’s because of how he continuously lied and how he handled it. If we had other sexual partners prior to dating then I would also understand because I know some people have it dormant and they never know and it shows up years later. But I know he had done a ton of research when he had an outbreak and he knew what he had done and still didn’t tell me.

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@Ally517,

I understand. The issue is more about trust in your relationship than about the virus.

I imagine that being in an exclusive relationship for 8 years with someone you met when you were both teenagers would be difficult. I don't see any problem with you just ending the relationship if it isn't working.

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