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Tue 7 Nov, 2017 01:05 pm
Good evening, I was just dumped by my girlfriend and i'm currently really confused. I think the main reason why she broke up with me was cause i acted really clingy, super needy and annoyed her during the last week when she went to another city to meet her friends and have a good time. She was already acting quite cold the week before so i panicked a bit and kept messaging, calling her a lot during the days she was away. I could see that she was annoyed with that but i just wanted to understand what was wrong. I could clearly smell that something is not right and had a feeling that she is thinking about breaking up with me. I know it was a big mistake on my part not giving her space during that week. So when she came back, she told me that she needs couple days of space to decide whether she wants to be with me anymore. I've just called her today, and hung up on me, then we chatted a little bit and it turned out that she decided to break up. But my main concern is, what she wrote me was: "I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I hope i'm not making a mistake. I'm not quite sure what that means.. Do you think she still has some feelings for me? She's acting really cold though and doesn't seem to be interested in me anymore. However, he's still checking every single thing i put on instagram/facebook. We been together for 6 months and it seemed that we really loved each. She even cried in front of me at least 3 times, she used to be really comfortable next to me. It was a long distance relationship though. We used to meet twice a week. It's just hard to believe for me that like 10 days ago she said she really loved me and now she decided to break up with me after i was really clingy, needy the week she was away. What is your opinion? Mainly about that thing she said to me today: ""I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I hope i'm not making a mistake.". Do you think i still got a chance to get her back? Thank you.
The thing is i still love her a lot. I will be doing the no contact thing from now on. I've just thanked her for the good times, said i love her a lot and that i'm leaving the door open, she can call my anytime if she changes her mind. Do you think it was appropriate to say?
You may have a chance to get her back, but you will definitely destroy it by being clingy/needy. Do not message her. Do not call her. Part of the problem from her point of view it seems, is that you appear to be incapable of functioning without her assistance and constant reassurances. That is a big responsibility to put on someone and she understandably didn't want that. Proceed with your life independently of her, learn to stand on your own two feet, and the fact of this may make an impression on her. It may not, but that will be OK because you will have grown stronger and it won't matter so much. A thought... are you both aged about 14?
@shypshnius,
My advice is to move on.
What you said was appropriate... as long as you know that it isn't really true. If the reason she left you was that you were "clingy and needy" the obvious answer is for you to move on with your life. There is nothing more clingy or needy than for you to sit around doing nothing for her to come back. Do not do that.
Take a little time for yourself. Get with friends. Do something you love. Then after a little while,
go out and date other people.
If she contacts you, then you can consider whether it is worth it to you. There is a possibility that she will never decide to come back. There is a chance that she will want to come back after you have met someone new (that's her loss, not yours).
In either case you will be OK.
She needs to BREATHE!! For god's sake let her get away from you to see if she misses you.
This will take maturity on your part. Are you up to it?
Tell her you will give her a 2 week space to figure out how she feels. During that time read up all you can about suffocating relationships. If she doesn't see a change in your behavior, you are out for good.
By the way, i asked her to block me on facebook since i can't block her myself. But she didn't... That's kinda weird that she doesn't want to..
@shypshnius,
You are not getting it.
She just needs some space from your neediness.
That does not mean that she can't still look at you and what you are doing. YOU need to let HER need to see you.
So step back and let her come to you. The fact that she looks at your online life is encouraging. Just stop obsessing.
Got it?
@PUNKEY,
Yeah, i got it. By the way, she also still checking every single post/photo i put on facebook/instagram almost instantly.. I just have a feeling that she still cares
@shypshnius,
stop monitoring everything she reacts to online
get on with your life. go out for coffee/tea. talk to people in coffee shops. go to a concert. go do things.
do not watch her online activities.
if you don't have the discipline on your own, shut down your own online accounts temporarily.
@shypshnius,
shypshnius wrote:
Yeah, i got it. By the way, she also still checking every single post/photo i put on facebook/instagram almost instantly.. I just have a feeling that she still cares
I would block her, just to get space for myself. I am not sure if this would be helpful to you... but she has to realize that she can't have it both ways. If she broke up with you, she should leave you alone.
@shypshnius,
I think you're in that unreal period when you think all you need to do is change and she'll come running back. She won't, if she thought you could change she'd still be with you. It's over, accept it and move on. Just try not to be so clingy next time.
@shypshnius,
relax, man, and think.
Do you really need her?
If yes - DO beyond that you can.
If no - let her go. Its simple.
Quick update: She just messaged me 4 days after breakup. She basically messaged me a random joke on facebook and we had a short fun conversation for like 20 minutes before she responded with: "your given minutes for today ran out, good night". What is this all about lol? Is she just playing with me, trying to get her ego fed or do you think she actually still cares and started regreting her decision dumping me 4 days ago?
@shypshnius,
She sounds like she's truly tired of you, playing a bit if it amuses her.
Time for you to block her - and be serious about it.
@shypshnius,
She sounds like kind of a jerk. People here are giving you the blame... I don't buy it (if the genders were reversed, you would be getting a lot more support). It seems likely to me that she wasn't the right person for you and that you can do better.
I think you are being to hard on yourself. Your somewhat manipulative ex-girlfriend is not the best place to get an honest assessment. You really should get away... even if you end up together,
you need space to heal, and you deserve it.
Then find someone who appreciates you.
@shypshnius,
hi, I just want to say you definitely still have a chance. I am a girl myself and this happened to me it was heartbreaking as we had been together for 10months so I know how you feel right now. just try not to text her
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