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What do I need to do in a situation like this one?

 
 
Reply Thu 2 Nov, 2017 04:50 pm
So one day, I was at a college fair, and my friend posted me on social media. A few hours later, one of his friends added me on that social media. I added her back, and we eventually started talking. We started getting really close, learning more about each other, to the point where we eventually liked one another. We are both seniors in high school, and we are also both 17 years old at the moment. Anyway, everything was seemingly perfect. Eventually, I got to know more and more about her and to me she was simply amazing. One day, she invited to her volleyball game, and so I went. Meeting her in person was truly incredible. I liked everything about her. Her personality, her looks, her attitude towards everything, her ability to make me smile so easily, etc. At the end of the volleyball game, we had to say goodbye to one another. When giving her a hug, I felt something. Something I hadn’t felt before. I felt all tingly inside, and I felt very... what’s the word... happy. Something felt right. From that night, I decided something: I want to put my all into this woman. And, well that’s exactly what I ended up doing. Later that night, things got difficult. I discovered something very scary. When giving her that hug, her father was in the car near us, and witnessed it. I found out that her father is entirely against any sort of interaction with guys when it comes to dating. Yes, she can have guy friends, but anything beyond that, is a huge N-O. That same night, her father talked to her about our relationship and he denied it. He made her block me on every social media and also made her block my number. This was obviously very difficult for both of us. She ended up adding my number back, and she told me the whole story about what had happened. From then, we’ve been doing a lot to keep our relationship hidden from her father. If her father were to find out, it would simply be all over. She would have her entire year ruined. He would take everything from her for going behind her fathers back. I could never allow this to happen, knowing that I’d be the cause of it. But at the same time I can’t simply just let her go, you know? Things have gotten too serious between us. We’ve exchanged the “I love you” and I can easily tell you that we both sincerely meant it. I don’t know what to do. She turns 18 in August of 2018, and that’s still a ways away. I really need some sort of advice or help from some wise and kind person out there. What do I do? Do I need to simply put our relationship on pause for the next 9 1/2 months and hope that no one comes between us, or do I keep fighting and find a way to fix this issue between her dad and our relationship? Do I get others to help me? My parents? Friends? Please, I need some sort of aid here. Thank you.
 
jespah
 
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Reply Thu 2 Nov, 2017 05:09 pm
@alexmomo00,
I think you've got the right idea, to try to hit 'pause' on this one.

I know it's hard but if you care (and you sound like you truly do), then getting her into trouble with her father is a very uncaring thing to do.

Her father sounds extremely strict and old-fashioned, but she is still a minor and she still lives under his roof. Until she becomes independent of him in some manner (moving out, getting emancipation, etc), then she's kinda stuck. Fortunately, she will turn 18 in less than a year.

If she wants to have any sort of a relationship with her father (and he might have control over her access to her mother, so keep that in mind), then your relationship with her father has got to be at least polite. Getting too pushy about things won't help in that area.

If she doesn't want to have any sort of future relationship with him, then again, she should consider than nixing a relationship with her father might bring her mother along with the ride.

It might pay for her to have you over, completely above board, to meet her family. Not as a boyfriend. As a friend. If this happens, dress well and be on your absolute best manners (as in, bring a hostess gift if you go to their house and everything. I am being utterly serious. Even if you think that's over the top, it won't be in this instance). Listen, don't interrupt, etc. You may not win her father over immediately or at all, but at least don't give them good reasons for not trusting you or her.

"Mom, Dad, this is my friend Alex."

You: "Hello, Mr. and Mrs. ___ thank you for inviting me over."
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Thu 2 Nov, 2017 07:48 pm
Are you saying that her father won't let her date?

All you did was give her a friend hug, right?

Really, you should have walked to the car and introduced yourself. And just said goodbye to her.

All he thinks now is that his daughter is hugging someone he does not know!

Meet the parents ASAP. Follow diections above. Just spend a little time there and leave.

Now .... if her dad will not let her have ANY male friends over or spend time with guys, you may have to keep this on the down-low for a while or move on to another young lady who can at least date.
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