DO MEN EVER CARE WHEN THEY BREAK A GIRL'S HEART?

Ok, so I know everyone is going to say, "Move on. You deserve better. That guy isn't worth it. He's too old for you." These are things I know, in my mind, to be true. My heart, on the other hand, tells me otherwise.

Here's the background: 47 year old man breaks up with his girlfriend of 3 years in December. Found me (25 year old) on Facebook through mutual friends in the goth scene, and starts messaging me two weeks later. Asks me to hang out, get food and meet each other. As friends. (Preface: He's a Gemini, known for moving on quickly...or pretending that he has). I'm an Aquarius; we are to be "very compatible."

Anyway, from that first encounter, we became INSEPARABLE. We both felt an immediate connection, like our souls met in a past life. A REAL universal connection. I feel like he's the guy version of me. We like ALL the same things: heels, drag, dressing up, thrifting, painting/drawing, same movies, music, similar senses of humor, personalities, both have dolls, and similar past experiences/traumas. We would finish each other's sentences and just "get" one another. It's almost surreal. He even tells me he "sees himself in me," and I return the comment. It's true. Our names are even similar (Christina and Christian). He even wanted to read my poetry and writings. I can't make up how unreal the connection between us felt. But, maybe I'm the only one who really felt it at the end of the day?

Always hanging out and messaging 24/7. We began a "friends with benefits" dynamic in that, from the beginning, he's in no mental state to be in a relationship with anyone. He told me that repeatedly. He tells me, a million times, how much he really likes me and is attracted to me in EVERY way possible. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. That I'm an amazing, empathic, wonderful, beautiful person and he's very glad he met me. This dynamic went on for close to 8 months.

We had a falling out 2 months ago when my feelings for him became too strong for him and it seemed I was pressuring him into being in a relationship. He started "hanging out" with someone new. We didn't talk for a month.

After a month, he emails me and says he wants to have a conversation and apologize for everything that happened. I agree to meet up. We made up and that night, he's holding me in his arms, like never before as we slept, holding hands. From then, the bond between us only grows stronger. Him telling me he loves EVERYTHING about me. My eyes, hair, boobs, hands, feet, legs, ankles, nose, mind, my weirdness, quirks, and most importantly, my heart. That I'm "the only good constant" in his life. He's going through a lot right now; ex is still in love with him, in rehab on heroin, dad just died, and another ex, the one he left me for, harassing him.

We are hanging out 4 days a week. His home is my second home. I leave my clothes at his house. He talks about moving me in, dating me officially, instead of just being "friends who like each other a lot" who are "seeing each other." He mentions things that bother him about me...how he always "reprimands" me for doing weird things, because I'm so weird according to him. But that, he "really likes me a lot" and that all of that "doesn't mean I'm not the one."

Then, he takes me to a fancy restaurant and flips out on me for not liking the olives (he's a VERY difficult person to be with, he's miserable and always complaining, except, when I hang out with him, I make him laugh, joke around, bringing out his inner child. I can tell he genuinely loves being around me. I make him happy. Make him feel safe. comforted. Loved. Things he never really had, except for one woman in his life, whom has many traits similar to me. It takes a VERY particular type of woman to put up with his bullshit. We accepted one another 100% for the people we are. We are both VERY eccentric, strange people. Not many women would accept ALL of him, like I did. He needs a "rock," mother figure pretty much. He's a mental disaster. Needs constant approval from others to evaluate his own self-worth.

We were best friends, that's how this all started, but we are way into each other to be just friends. We confided our lives in one another. I never trusted someone so much in my life and I know, he felt similarly. He said that my love, compassion, and comfort were things that he adored about me and found more important than his physical attraction to me (I was always the top search on his Instagram feed and he used pics of me and of my feet in stilettos to get off).

He has mentioned, several times, the age gap concern between us in that he was questioning if there could ever be a future between us due to my lack of "life experience" and how he already lived through the things I'm now living through.

After this moment, he says "he needs space," he's not getting enough work done, which was true. He's self-employed and us hanging out all the time meant he wasn't doing any work. Says he really likes me still but that he needs a break. Came out of nowhere. I was hurt, confused, and ultimately, fine with his decision. I agreed with him actually.

One day, he goes from "if I liked you any more, I'd be moving you in or asking you to marry me to "I never said I wanted to date you or be with you. You're upset you're not the one, like my ex. I never said I wasn't attracted to you or I didn't like you, but that doesn't mean we are an "item." We aren't dating. I don't want this. You deserve someone who can give you what you need. That's not me."

I see him Saturday night at goth night. Awkward considering we didn't talk that week. We make up and he says it was torture on him not talking to me. I forgive him. I find out through the grapevine, that he's hanging out with a new 25 year old, who I thought was my friend. She knew how much I loved him, how we were seeing each other. He stays by my side the whole night, confirming his love and care for me, how he wants to be my friend and hang out and watch movies still. But that his mind is so messed up that he can't be with me, or anyone. He tells me he feels a connection with me. And that there's "nothing" between him and the new skank. But, she was staying over the night.

When things get rocky, he moves onto something new, but it ALWAYS ends up blowing up in his face. Sad, self destructive behavior. I don't think he intentionally means to do these things. He's selfish and wants his freedom to do as he pleases. Never stopped to think how doing something like that would hurt me. He even told me HE would be heartbroken if I moved on, how he was always leery of ME hooking up with a guy. But, I realize we were never exclusive, or committed, though it FELT like we were.

That crushed me. It seemed like in a flash, he forgot all about me, about all the amazing times between us, about everything I did for him. Lending him money, which he paid me back that night, returning my pins I allowed him to borrow too. He said he felt terrible how things happened between us and that he wanted to have a formal talk with me about everything, that I needed and deserved, the truth.

I told him off, telling him how badly that hurt me and how he doesn't deserve to be in my life whatsoever at this point. That I was too good for him, he'll never find anything real and true. That he already got over his feelings for me and blocked him on Facebook. He returned the favor by blocking me on Instagram.

I need advice regarding MANY things:

1. Do you think he cares about what he did to me?
Misses me at all considering what we shared?

2. Do you think he still has feelings for me even though he has "moved on?"

3. Was I wrong for blocking him? Why did he block me on Instagram?

4. Do you think he'll return...again?

5. Based off of everything I said, do you feel that there is something here worth fighting for?

6. Do men really get over women that quickly?

7. Do you think HIS heart is hurting/broken?


I did lower my standards for this guy. Financially unstable. smokes. 47 yrs old. Mental mess. Moody (Jekyll and Hyde). Flaky. Selfish.

Please offer advice, support, guidance. I'm a mess. I feel I lost my soulmate. All the signs were there.