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Fertility treatments & left alone on my anniversary... HELP!!

 
 
Clzw929
 
Reply Fri 29 Sep, 2017 09:27 pm
So my anniversary is today 9/29 and one of my husbands HS friends ( who has lived in NC for over 10 years now and they only talk/ see each other 2 times a year) is getting married tomorrow 9/30. I decided I didn't want to go to the wedding bc my husband gets obnoxious when he drinks. When drunk he screams at me and goes running/ leaves me wherever we are. ( I have been left more than 5 times- 3 times were at friends weddings) With that said I decided I wasn't going to the wedding since I will be humiliated. My husband knows how I feel and decided to go alone. FINE! I've said for months now I was not happy with him leaving on 9/29, and he knew I was annoyed be I wouldn't drive him to the airport. What I have a problem with is he flew out at 5am the day before( 9/29) the wedding bc he had to be at the rehearsal dinner and this upset me. He left me alone on our 5th wedding anniversary and to top it off I have been going through fertility treatments and I have taken medication all month so I can try again. today(9/29) was my ovulation day which would have given us another chance for an IUI. Since he wouldn't be home the IUI didn't happen. I spent all day crying and when he finally called me ( at 10pm) he starts giving me crap bc I should have been with him in NC bc they came to Our wedding.
I know I have a roller coaster of emotions but I don't think he needed to be there for the rehearsal dinner. To me 5 yrs is a Big deal nowadays and he could have flew later tonight/ tomorrow morning. I also don't think it's right I went through a months worth of medication not to complete the IUI. He keeps saying there is always next month which is true but not the point. It's a difficult process without a supportive partner.
I feel like he picked his HS buddies over me and I'm completely devastated! I also feel like I'm not important to him and disappointed he doesn't understand what I'm going through with the fertility treatments.
Do you think I'm over reacting? Is my marriage in trouble?
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 05:09 am
@Clzw929,
Your marriage is in trouble because your husband is a mean, abusive drunk who seems to think drinking to excess at social occasions is the norm (it doesn't have to be).

All the rest of the story is catering to that - his desire to get drunk on someone else's dime. He also does seem to want to get away - who the hell goes to a rehearsal dinner when they're not a close friend and not a relative and not in the wedding party? He could have left the day of or taken a redeye late on the 29th.

I suspect he's not as on board with having a kid as you are.

I realize you want to have a child, but he might not be the best person to have a child with.
Clzw929
 
  1  
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 08:18 am
@jespah,
Thanks for writing me back! He doesn't think he has a problem with alcohol and when he does "get crazy" it isn't a big deal. Most of the time he claims it's bc I nag him.
The groom made him an usher which ment that he needed a tux and be at the rehearsal dinner. But I don't see the reasoning for an usher to practice what they need to do the day before. And now that my husband is there I'm getting phone calls from him saying I ruined the wedding since I decided not to go and he's been miserable crying and not his normal self. I'm trying really hard not to let it get me down but I'm struggling!!! I don't want to ruine their wedding but this is his fault not mine- he is deflecting and hiding the fact he has a drinking problem and telling his friends I keep fighting with him it's my fault.
He was on board for kids but he doesn't understand this whole process... and I having my doubts now 😢
I have asked to go to marriage counseling but he doesn't feel he needs it. Is it even worth trying to bringing it up again?
PUNKEY
 
  4  
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 08:29 am
Please see a marriage counselor when he returns.

I really encourage you to not try to get pregnant at this time.

HE is not ready - YOUR MARRIAGE is not ready.

ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 10:25 am
@PUNKEY,
Listen to Punkey about this.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 10:26 am
@Clzw929,
Clzw929 wrote:
I have asked to go to marriage counseling but he doesn't feel he needs it. Is it even worth trying to bringing it up again?


do you want to have children with this man in the future (now is definitely not the time to be considering it)? if so, get to counselling. on your own at first if he refuses.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 11:19 am
@Clzw929,
I'm sure the bride and groom don't feel the wedding was 'ruined' by your absence -- and they're the only ones whose opinions count re whether the day is/was a success.

Counseling, oh God, counseling. Put the time and energy you've been putting into trying to get pregnant into trying to get your marriage on track. Talk to your doctor about bringing you off all the hormones and whatnot you're on. They're only making you feel worse and it will be a huge problem if you do get pregnant and his drinking still isn't under control.
0 Replies
 
Clzw929
 
  3  
Reply Sat 30 Sep, 2017 04:13 pm
You all confirmed my thoughts. 😔
I have looked into a therapist and I will be callin. For an appointment Monday. Time to focus on ME!!
Thanks for your support!
0 Replies
 
 

 
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