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Wed 27 Sep, 2017 01:49 am
Bit of a background we have been together for 8 years, married for 5 years. We have a beautiful daughter who is 2.
Up until last week I thought everything was perfect, of course we have had a few arguments over the years.
Then 22/9/17, Friday just gone, I get the I need some space.
Total blindsided me, I broke down and I am still struggling to cope now.
The entire week she did act strange in the fact, she would take her phone everywhere. Even for a pee, that is weird.
At the moment five days later I am still in limbo, I love her so much and I am breaking down everyday.
I currently have my daughter and I am getting her three nights a week.
I had her back on Monday 25/9/17, I asked her what she had been up to, remember she is only 2 years old.
I went to the Zoo with Mummy and James!!!!!!!!!!!
As you can probably guess I went green, I rang her and had a go saying she was cheating etc, she denied it and said her and James or just friends. A group of them went, I asked my daughter she said only me, Mummy and James.
I am so cut up right now, the pain I feel, it is killing me. I thought we would be forever, she is my best friend, our family means the world to me.
Now below I will input our text messages since what happened after that call.
**** is daughters name
ME
I can't believe you cheated on me and our family
HER
If I was cheating on you, I wouldnt have been doing it with **** around!! We were with James yesterday, a few of us went to the zoo, I knew **** would talk about it because it was the zoo and she was excited. Don't be so bloody rediculus.
HER
That girl listens to everything and watches.
HER
Do not accuse me of things i am not doing. going
HER
Doing*
(I have no idea about last bit with the going, then correction back to doing, doing, doing??????)
ME
She said you kissed him
HER
As Fu**ing if!!!!!!!!
ME
Sorry if I am wrong, its just what she told me.
HER
Ask her if she brushed her teeth and she'd probably say yes
ME
OK Sorry
ME
I will leave you be
HER
I never fu**ing kissed anyone and i certainly would never do that in front of ****. She is nt a toy in this!!!!
ME
How would you have reacted if she said something like that about me?
HER
Shes 2
HER
Also, I can't imagining her saying mummy kissed someone, You must have asked.
HER
I told you the reason I am unhappy and that is the bottom line.
HER
Is she going to your parents tomorrow? I told them I would call last night but there was no answer on there house phone or mobile.
ME
Yes with rents
ME
Signs where there.
Making more effort of appearance for work.
Keep talking about him.
Being shady with phone all week.
Working on.
Least I know its over now so I can move on.
Just wish it ended in a better way.
We need to be civil for ****
I am her Dad and he will never replace me.
HER
I feel like you are classping at anything here because you are angry at me. No one will ever replace you. You are her dad and she loves you! We will defiantly be civil for her sake. We just need to find a time when we are calm to talk about things.
ME
I just need to know we are over
ME
Or not
HER
I need to clear my head and we need to sit down and talk to each other calmly about everything.
ME
OK
ME
So you and James in front of the car, **** in the back?
HER
Yes
HER
She has to sit in back when I travel far
ME
So it was just the 3 of you?
HER
No i told you. We met Sarah and joe there!!!! They are my friends from work.
(I have asked ****, she said no. Also no pictures on facebook etc)
ME
Makes me sick that someone wants to steal my family.
HER
You are having a laugh, you are making something out of nothing. Just enjoy your evening and night with ****
HER
Leave me alone please.
ME
Just look at it from my view.
Why did he go with you?
You could have at least waited a little bit until the dust settled with us.
Jumping straight in
You will never get me back for doing this
You will regret this for the rest of your life.
HER
You are looking for answers and making stuff up. Please just leave me alone to think and enjoy your time with ****
ME
I will enjoy my time, swear on **** life that nothing is going on?
HER
I swear
ME
I just don't understand why you would take him to the zoo with her.
Its dodgy and don't look good.
Its just really insensitive to me
It don't look good
Looks like 2 couples going to the zoo
ME
What sort of human being would be so desperate to split up a family. He is a rotten human being.
So that's the messages.
Apparently she left work upset, rang my parents and told them what we had just being saying, she swears to them nothing is going on.
I just don't know, all communication with her at the moment is through my parents. I am still no the wiser to if I still have a marriage.
I just want peoples views, very interested from a women's view also.
Stop interrogating your baby about her mother's actions. You are going to frighten her.
I agree that your wife should not be in the company of any male "friends" right now. That is confusing for your daughter, too. That goes for you, too. No strange women around your child right now.
You don't say what stage this relationship is: separation? Divorced?
Is the court involved? Child support in force? Or just living apart?
You two should be in counseling, if only how to learn how to separate with the interest of your child as the goal. Your parents should not be message carriers either.
Your wife needs to tell you what's going on. That can happen in counseling. Insist that she go with you. And you need to calm down so that everyone can speak their mind.
@PUNKEY,
My wife walked out with my girl on Friday. I got her back on Monday. i asked what she's been up to. Why would I not ask?
She said she went to the zoo with Mummy and James.
I have not done anything wrong.
I would never do anything like that.
@jonfun7,
Yes, you did something wrong.
You're using your daughter as a source of information about her mother.
Courts in the US normally don't give credence to children's testimony until they are at least six or seven, sometimes four or five under rather specific circumstances. They sure as hell don't take toddlers' words for anything. It's not just because children of that age are unreliable witnesses at best, often confusing fantasy with reality. It's also because it's traumatic to those kids.
So cut that out.
Got a problem with what your ex is doing? And BTW, she's your ex, yes? That means she can't possibly be cheating on you - an ex means the relationship is over and yes, that includes the kind of 'timeout' that comes with a separation. And if you are still together then I don't know WTF you are talking about in terms of having your daughter for a few days per week.
But back to my point. If you have problems with what your wife or ex-wife is doing, then talk to her directly. Don't drag your daughter into this. It is unfair and, frankly, borderline abuse to turn her into a spy on her own mother.
She is not my ex, we are still married. She as not told me its over.
I asked my daughter what she done on the weekend are my supposed to not ask her?
@jonfun7,
Of course you can talk to your kid.
But you cannot pump her for information.
Once it turns into something that is problematic, then you leave your child out of it.
Oh, and BTW, if I went to the zoo with another guy my husband wouldn't give a damn because he trusts me. Your mileage, obviously, varies.
@jonfun7,
Have you and your wife talked about what happens next in your relationship? are you willing to suggest going for counselling?
__
Given the tone of your texts, I'm not surprised your wife has asked for some space. Go for individual counselling.
___
Keep your parents out of the matter. Keep your daughter out of things.
This is strictly between you, your wife and whatever professionals will be trying to help you both sort things out.
I've got a feeling there's LOTS more to this story he's not telling.
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