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Older cousin giving inappropriate advice

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Linkat
 
Reply Thu 21 Sep, 2017 07:24 am
I have a young teenage daughter. She has become very close to some of her older female cousins after traveling across country in past few years. One is 21 and the other is in her early 30s. Although both young women are very sweet, they have not had the best successes in life (ie struggling with personal issues, holding a steady job, completing college).

So being a normal teen, my daughter has normal teen issues - trying to find where she fits in, school work, parents being on her case about appropriate dress, schoolwork, friends. Honestly nothing huge - but what most teens go through as they mature and grow.

So in venting and talking with her older cousins, they of course try to give advice. We found out her 21 year old cousin made the suggestion that if she is unhappy with her parents she can legally at 16 move out. I guess she was thinking she could move out and some how get across country and live with her cousin (who doesn't have a job herself) - now granted this is over a year out.

The next thing is - she has convinced my daughter that she might be having anxiety attacks. Now my daughter is emotional at times, but has never shown having any sort of anxiety.

My husband after sitting down and talking with her several hours has kind of straightened her out -it seems. And also suggested that these two cousins may not be in the best position to give solid advice - he did suggest if she wanted to seek other advice to speak with her aunt, uncle, grandparent(s) who are older and have had enough life experiences to give better sound advice if she feels the need to speak with someone besides her parents. He did say he loves that she has contact and is close to her cousins, just that they are not in a position to give good advice right now because of where they are in life.

Do you all have any other thoughts? My first thought of course being a protective parent was to ream at this girl saying what the F* suggesting a teenager move out and go across country? What the heck - are you an idiot?
Now - I think though we will just talk with our daughter rather than even involve the cousins.
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jespah
 
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Reply Thu 21 Sep, 2017 08:41 am
Maybe it's time to introduce your teen to skepticism/authority.

An appeal to authority isn't a fallacy if the authority really and truly does know what they're talking about. Giving more credence to an expert isn't a fallacy.

Plus your teen might also benefit from looking at her cousin with a critical eye. What's the cousin's agenda?
Linkat
 
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Reply Thu 21 Sep, 2017 11:12 am
@jespah,
Unfortunately I don't know this cousin so well. They have lived across the country from us. We only see each other once every so many years. She seems very sweet but what I know for sure is she suffers from anxiety, has some medical issues, has gone haphazardly to college, and has lost her most recent job.

So no real structure - that is really the only facts I can give (trying to be objective here).

I can surmise - and I realize this is totally surmising... she has difficulty with her parents - she is the youngest and - only one still at home it seems they have her do a lot for them. I know they are fairly strict so I think this could be influencing her on suggesting that my daughter can leave at 16. That is the only reason I would think she would say that.

I only found out about this after I got home from work last night - after my husband had spoken with my daughter for quite a while. It seems the talk in the end went well. He pointed out how this cousin although having anxiety is not an expert in the subject and not a doctor. He pointed out sort of like you are saying look at her cousin in a critical eye - what her cousin is going through and how she may not be the best person to go to for advice. As well as suggested who would be better to go to for advice and why.

I was really surprised (and initially PO'd) that she said something along the lines to her that she could move out legally at 16. It isn't like we are abusing our daughter and she is across country so how could she even know how things are? I just cannot even imagine suggesting a teen a move out from their parents.
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