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Mon 18 Sep, 2017 08:38 am
I'm not sure how long ago it started, but I've been following a girl whom I've had a crush on. I've had a crush on her for 2-3 yrs, and have been following her for about 1. I know it sounds crazy, but just let me explain.. As I've said, I've been crushing hard for a while. I'm sure she was in the same boat because after we've been off work (we used to work together btw) for about 2 hrs, she's text asking to meet up.
We'd meet up after work 3-4 times a week and would hang out up to 3 hrs at a time. During work, we'd take a 15 min break together, and we'd take our hr lunch together. Between each break, she'd come see me in my dept, and I'd go to see her in hers. It's hard to feel that I've gotten any work done back then, but that beside the point. The point is that the feeling was mutual back then at least.
We were together so much that co-workers thought we were at least sleeping together, which we weren't btw... As time went on, I noticed that after she wasn't working there any longer, us hanging out became less and less frequent. Talk about a buzz kill... The crazy thing is, my feelings for her are as strong now as they were back then.
I don't think I could say the same for her... she text me every now and then and we also hang out a few times a month, but it's no 3-4 times a week. I'm just confused as to why would she still text and ask to meet up if she's not that into me? I feel like she is to some degree, but it's a pride thing that stands between her and her emotions. I've told her exactly how I felt about her a few times, but the most of gotten back from her was that she feels the same way and that's why she doesn't wanna hang out as much...
Like she doesn't want to allow her heart, mind, or her body to feel anything towards me because she's afraid of possibly getting hurt. I would never hurt her in any way. I would treat her the best that I have ever treated anyone because I so many feeling for her that my heart, mind, and body wouldn't allow me to slack in any way. I'd be so glad that she was in a relationship with me that like jermih said, "every day would be her birthday, and every night would be her Valentine". Now that I've explain just exactly how I feel about her, it's time for me to explain as to why I follow her.
I follow her because of the fact that we don't hang out anymore. I feel exactly the way that Charlie Puth does when he sings the song we don't talk anymore. I can't go by without seeing her like I used to.. So in order for me to feel that same sensation, on my off day, I follow her to work to watch her get out of a car and enter the building.
I sit there for a while, soak it all in, and I guess go home. It's sad and creepy, I know, but I can't seem to stop myself from feeling the need to see her. I drive by her house to see if she's there and that gives me a sense of relief when she is. I've randomly showed up at her apartment twice in the past year and she didn't have a problem with either time, so I don't think that she dislikes when I do that because we'd talk for a while. Id offer to leave for her to go back inside and continue doing what she was doing if I was interrupting, but she'd say no in want to continue talking.
I know I should move on in most likely stop pursuing her, but something in my brain won't. She makes my day…
@MAC80,
Mac thank you for that q and I wish I could help
Meanwhile intensely curious About you I am
[email protected]
[Out of some 100,000 a2k resp's I'm apparently the only one who always looks for the Prof
.....so 80 whadya think]
@MAC80,
Your behavior is that of a stalker. I strongly recommend counseling to get a handle on why you feel the way you do and to learn some skills to help redirect those feelings into something more productive (and less scary).
It is NOT okay (ever) to follow somebody or secretly check up on them. It doesn't matter what your intentions are, It. Is. Not. Okay.
@MAC80,
Don't follow women around. Full Stop.
She doesn't owe you dating or any other attention.
@tibbleinparadise,
At no point did I mention that I feel it's ok to go about things the way that I am. In fact, I admit that I know how it seem and that I should stop... I'm fully aware that no one should be followed, but you say that its scary as if I have intent on inflicting harm. Never would i do that to anyone. What wouldn't be ok is to send threats, vandalism, even anonymous contacting, but going for a harmless drive every now and then doesn't register as "scary. Scary would be if I gave you a reason to be afraid...
@jespah,
I never felt she owed me anything.
@MAC80,
No.
It is never okay to follow anyone around, unsolicited. It doesn't matter what your intentions are. Unless she is asking you to check up on her, it is not okay.
@tibbleinparadise,
That's your unprofessional opion, which isn't what I was asking for. As long as I have a driver's license that permits me to drive where I please, it's not illegal to go for a drive where she may happen to end up in front of me.
@MAC80,
That's all well and good, but your question was "What should I do?" Professional or otherwise, you've gotten good answers. Maybe you shouldn't ask if you don't want to know.
@MAC80,
You asked what you should do. You have received answers. If you are looking for affirmation on what you're doing, you probably won't find it here or anywhere else that understands basic behavioral psychology.
@MAC80,
I'll also add that your rationalizations are spot on for somebody that is exhibiting stalking behavior.
Of course she just happens to be at home....she lives there. You aren't driving by her home by happenstance. You are intentionally driving by her home to fulfill a psychological need that you aren't receiving from her because she does not want to give it to you.
In plain English, you are stalking her.
@tibbleinparadise,
Yep. If I saw a car with some guy in it, night in, night out, just hanging around my house, I would seriously consider calling the cops.
@MAC80,
MAC80 wrote:
I follow her
I can't go by without seeing her like I used to.
So in order for me to feel that same sensation, on my off day, I follow her to work to watch her get out of a car and enter the building.
I sit there for a while, soak it all in, and I guess go home.
It's sad and creepy, I know, but I can't seem to stop myself from feeling the need to see her.
I drive by her house to see if she's there and that gives me a sense of relief when she is.
that's not sad and creepy.
it is creepy.
it is stalker behaviour.
arrange to meet with a counsellor for help with this behaviour and way of thinking
@MAC80,
MAC80 wrote:to go for a drive where she may happen to end up in front of me.
yeah
she may happen to end up in front of you when you stalk her at work and home
_____
get professional help <------ this is the answer to your question "what should I do?"
Mac
Are you sure you read this relationship correctly?
It sounds like you two had an intense friendship but for some reason it fell flat. Why? Her statement that she doesn't want to be hurt doesn't sound right. Especially when you told her how you felt.
I'm going to suggest that maybe she was not capable of having a romantic relationship. Or you have mis-read this friendship and then created a fantasy for you to be in love with.
In any case, you must put this thing to the side and get on with your life. She is not showing any interest in you. It hurts to accept this, but you must.
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