Relationships - the boy has a birthday, the girl is not invited

I'm just guessing that the "club" is what has come to be called a gentleman's club. You wouldn't fit in, and might inhibit the guys. As for the rest, I would not to attempt to predict the future.

I meant a night club. And he isn't going with boys only. Thank you for your reply.

5 months isn't so long. He may just want to hang with old friends without the sort of awkwardness that comes with new introductions. He may hope to score with one of his old female friends. He may be embarrassed by this particular group and is trying to be nice to everyone involved. He may feel no obligation to entertain you 24/7 and is taking a night off.

My solution would be to simply ask him what's up with not getting an invite to go with, or find your own thing to do with other people, or both.

A birthday is special; if I were not special too I would be out of that relationship. That's just me.

You've been dating for five months. That's a pretty new relationship.

He has friendships, groups, relationships that don't include you. That is as it should be for healthy relationships.

His friends may have arranged the get-together and it is not his place to invite you to something like that.

If you want to do something for his birthday- then you can invite him out - treat him to a nice dinner/movie/concert etc. Make your own plans.

Don't worry about him and his friends. Their relationship predates you.

Maybe someday you will be part of that group, maybe not.

If you have a long-term relationship, you will be part of other groups with him.

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Think of your own friends. If one (or more) of your friends invite you (and you alone) to something, do you think it would be right of you to add someone else to the invitation list? It's not.

Birthdays aren't such a big deal. Set and I have been together 20+ years. We've spent maybe 4 or 5 of my birthdays and a dozen of his together - usually inadvertently. We've gone out for less than a dozen of our combined 40 birthdays. It's not bad to spend birthdays together but sometimes I'd prefer to party with my dance / music friends.

That's because you are old. To the younger folk birthdays are a big deal.

They were never important to me.

You've being going out. Apparently that means just casual dating to him. He thinks it's no big deal to not include you.

That means you are not 'going together,' just dating'' Nothing serious.

His friends apparently don't know about you.

Is that how you see things?

I don't think that guessing the reasons he didn't invite you is productive. Only he knows... and you should ask him.

That being said, 5 months is a kind of new relationship... but it isn't that new. If I were dating someone for 5 months, I would be hurt if they didn't invite me to come along. The message this sends is that the relationship isn't that important to him.

I think you should talk to him, and listen with an open mind. And, you should tell him how you are feeling (I would use the words "I don't feel like an important part of your life"... but that's me).

And if he isn't as serious about the relationship as you are, then you might start thinking about finding someone else.

My first thought was that he was invited and was being treated by his friends. If that's the case, it's not up to him to invite you.

Did you recognize or do anything special for his birthday?

Hmm, your and eBeth's replies surprised me, on this particular point.

If I organized, or helped organize, something for a friend's birthday, and that friend has a girlfriend/boyfriend that I knew about...

1) It would go without saying that they're welcome as well;

2) If I was unthinking enough not to explicitly invite them myself, it'd seem totally natural/OK for my friend to say, "hey my boy/girlfriend's coming too, that OK?" Of course that's OK.

The only exceptions for not inviting their boy/girlfriend, or not being OK with my friend taking their boy/girlfriend along, that I can think of are:

a) If I knew the boy/girlfriend, and they've proven to be a real pain and we had some bad experiences hanging out together. (But in that case I would leave them together on my friend's birthday itself, and just invite my friend to celebrate on another day);

b) If my friend actually told me s/he was looking to do something without their boy/girlfriend;

c) If it's not a "let's go out together & have fun" kind of thing but more of a "let's hang out & talk about personal stuff" occasion. But that wouldn't likely be on their birthday..

Yeah. Relationship over.