Bdsm relationship

I don't have experience with this but I'll give you some advice all the same.

Once you've been outed, you cannot unring that bell. So think long and hard about that.

And then think again. Seriously.

And also consider your BDSM relationship. I realize that humiliation can often be a part of the package, but this has consequences that will likely last a lot longer than your relationship. So consider whether it'll be worth it to submit.

Personally, I would tell the guy to **** off, but that's me.

In any event, contact your family and come out to them yesterday. You're 36 years old. If you tell them, then this act will be a lot less harmful to you, and it will be far less shocking to them.