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Sat 2 Sep, 2017 02:23 am
I have been in a relationship with this man for 5 years. I have been engaged for 3 of these years. I reason I have not married this man is because I feel he still holds the mother of his son in high regards and I feel I'm not his priority. She lives in his old house and she pays only half the rent. The house should be making about 1200.00 a month but she only pays 500.00 a month. It's not about the money because it's not like it would benefit me in any way but it's about him giving her this opportunity. He never looses his cool with her but with me he can straight up be irritable and plain cheap. I don't feel like I'm his number one. He has turn the tables on me though and says he does it for his son. Making me feel like an asshole because I love his son like he's mine. We both have a son from a different relationship but I don't give my ex money or extend that kind of generosity towards him. I pay for half of the expenses at the house we share. So my question is, am I wrong to demand he either charges her proper rent or sell the house or I'm out?
Only you can judge if the relationship is important enough to you to put it in terms such as those. You should consider, however, that family courts, and courts in all jurisdictions which settle divorces require both parties to pay for a domicile, not based on emotionally charged issues such as you are discussing, but because there is a child who needs a roof over his or her head. If you are sufficiently unhappy in your relationship, get out. If you feel that the relationship is rewarding to a significant extent, even if not your ideal of a relationship, then stay. Paying child support includes the cost of a domicile for the child; that's just the way it is, and it is completely reasonable.
@Ihaveaq,
It's not just sentiment (or, as you call it, "generosity") that makes him provide financial aid to provide a roof over his son's head. He has a legal obligation to provide for his son. If he started charging his ex $1200 a month instead of $500 as he does now, she might well (be forced to) go to court and he would then be back where he started plus out of pocket for legal bills. This may well be about more than just money, and as we can't see inside your head or heart, we can't say whether you should go. You presumably knew at the start that he had a son and was doing the right thing by him. I have to say that if my partner started getting habitually and persistently unreasonable like this about my 2 kids I might very well get "irritable and plain cheap".
Thanks for the replies guys. I guess sometimes you need someone else's perspective. The discounted rent is above and beyond child support. I think parents should have a divided responsibility to care for their children, as I do. My fiance's ex's girlfriend makes a very good salary. I'm just angry that he is still supporting her and uses his son as an excuse. I've always been very reasonable and I am a very caring person. I would not be with someone that didn't take care of his responsibilities. I don't want to go into a marriage feeling under valued and that is how I feel. Maybe this relationship isn't what I expected.
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